A sport with benefits

You have all heard of pétanque… at least I hope so, but some of you might have an erroneous idea of the game.

The most common misconception (especially in America) is that pétanque is a game geared almost exclusively toward have-been fuddy-duddies.
I beg to differ.

Image 3Pétanque (a unisex game for all ages) is not the exclusive domain of retired postal workers.
All can play but interestingly enough it is not a discipline favoring speed and strength. This is a game where grownups can teach presumptuous whippersnappers a thing or two.
Sorry kids, but skills and experience definitely trump muscle and braggadocio.

Pétanque is also loaded with health benefits. Surprised? You should not be.

First of all, the game (to the great relief of your mate) gets you off the couch and out of the house.
It keeps you fit by forcing you to walk (on the average between 2 and 3 miles per day) and to bend repeatedly to pick up your “boules”.
You might also shed some unwanted pounds.
As far as exercise is concerned, it beats sex (maybe not) but definitely Tai Chi, by a mile.

Pétanque reduces stress and allows for better sleep. After a 4-5 hours tournament, I guarantee that you won’t have any problem falling asleep. The minute you hit the pillow you will be in La La land.IMG_1218

Instead of going almost exclusively to their funeral, pétanque allows you to keep in touch with old friends and also meet new people.
New people if you didn’t know, are the indispensable ingredients to spice up your routine.

And last but not least, it teaches you some indispensable French vocabulary (like merde, “putaing”, bordel, cocu). Those colorful words could be useful if you travel to a French speaking country, but please, due to their volatility, use them with extreme caution!

IIMG_8256f you don’t already belong to a club, I urge you (as a very doable New Year resolution) to walk to a field and join the legions of pétanque devotees.
You won’t be sorry. I guarantee it.

Alain

PS: if you welsh on your resolution, you won’t get  your money back.

Bad manners

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”
Emily Post

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Good manners are the foundations of a civil society and the stepping-stones to success.

buddhistA lack of good manners betrays selfishness and a lack of consideration for others. And there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that bad manners are a contributing factor to the endemic gun violence afflicting America.

It would behoove you to remember that a life devoid of polite social behavior will likely be full of potholes and detrimental to your social life and career development.
So, mind your manners!

Here are some of my personal pet-peeves:

Cell phone conversations in public
A phone conversation is private. Nobody else needs (or wants) to hear the tiresome details of your boring life. If you absolutely must make or answer a call, isolate yourself. Preferably in Death Valley.

Talking too loudly
A sign of insecurity. People trying to prove by noisy drivel that they are not as insignificant as the image they project.

Letting kids run wild.
Parents probably brought up by gypsies or flower children. Offspring likely to be affected by “affluenza”. Parents should be tarred and feathered.

Blocking the supermarket aisle with your cart
Extremely selfish. Reflects the true uncaring personality of the cart’s owner. Probably cuckolded, divorced or Scientologist.

Speeding through parking lots
Macho couch potato. Probably in a hurry to get back to “The Young and the Restless”. IQ below average. Should be barred from parking lots.

Ignoring or not using a vehicle’s turn signal on the freeway
Immature egomaniacal scofflaw. It is my freeway and I’ll speed if I want to. Me, me, me. Hell with the others. Never heard of the Golden Rule but given a chance would have joined the Golden Horde.

Litterbug
Thoughtless oaf. Second rate education. Morals of a horned toad.
“Cigarette butts are the most littered item in the world, with 4.5 trillion discarded annually. Estimates on the required time for cigarette butts to break down vary. They range from five years to 400 years for complete degradation.”

Loud music
Uncaring. Begging for attention. Small penis.

Hogging the conversation
Self-centered. A conversation is like a Ping-Pong game. You need to close your mouth after you have (briefly) spoken, and wait for the ball to come back to your court before speaking again.

Not listening to other people
Self-absorbed. Not interested in anybody’s problems. Potential Jihadist.

Spitting in public
Inconsiderate. Should be sentenced in Singapore. (see caning in Singapore).

In conclusion, “Hurt no others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful” or “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch and may your arms be too short to scratch.”

Alain

A cockatoo with bad manners:

Watch some new pictures. Go to “My Photos”.

Malheur aux barbus

“Orthodoxy means not thinking–not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.” 
George Orwell, 1984

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Je n’ai jamais eu aucun doute que certaines femmes (et certains bonhommes évidemment) peuvent être des emmerdeuses de première classe. Mais comparées aux barbouzards ultra-orthodoxes de toutes engeances, ce ne sont réellement que des « pussycats ».

hirsuteOn repère facilement les ultras par leurs barbouzes démesurées.
Ne vous méprenez pas, je ne suis pas vraiment anti-barbe. Je respecte une barbe bien taillée, mais je suis allergique à la barbouze en friche, symbole d’une intransigeance absolue.

Quand j’étais un galopin portant culottes courtes, j’écoutais avec délice une émission de radio qui s’appelait « Malheur aux Barbus ».
C’était un feuilleton quotidien qui racontait l’enlèvement de tous les barbus de la planète par Edmond Furax, un (soi-disant) vilain.
Vilain ? Je dirais plutôt héro, avec une idée avant son temps.
Je ne souviens plus ou Furax envoyaient ses captifs, mais hier comme aujourd’hui le désert de Gobi aurait été un endroit idéal pour ces rétrogrades.

Je vous parle de cela parce que je lisais récemment que sur un vol de New-York à Tel-Aviv certains juifs ultra-orthodoxes (Haredim) ont refusé de s’asseoir près d’une femme.
Le vol El-Al a été retardé de 30 minutes a cause de l’intransigeance des barbus.
Un scandale !

Personnellement, je regarde tous les visages hirsutes avec soupçon et je préfèrerai éviter de m’asseoir a coté d’un barbouzard où que ce soit. Il pourrait avoir des poux explosifs dans sa barbouze…
Pourquoi pas ? Il y en a bien quelques uns qui en ont dans leurs slips.

Les barbouzards, quelle que soit leur affiliation religieuse sont tous (et je ne mâche pas mes mots) des emmerdeurs.
Ils sont contre tout ceux qui n’épousent pas leurs croyances. Ils ont généralement un siècle de retard avec leurs contemporains et vivent dans un passé obscurantiste refusant d’accepter les réalités séculaires.
Ils sont de plus extrêmement misogynes and traitent leurs femmes non pas comme des esclaves, mais certainement comme des plébéiennes.
Paradoxalement, ils ont aussi un très haut taux de natalité.

Chacun a le droit à ses opinions, mais imposer ses vues à d’autres n’est pas une solution.
Pour moi, l’orthodoxie est la sclérose de l’esprit et n’a aucune place dans un monde que j’aimerais civilisé.

Alain

Il fait froid en Californie. Quel temps fait-il au Mexique?