Meet Moronavirus’ partners in crime

Like a menacing cobra, the Moronavirus is rearing its ugly head!
Just when you thought that the pandemic was abating, it might get worse. A second wave of the dreaded Coronavirus is sweeping the country and it might be deadlier than the first one.

The culprit is the Moronavirus and it is as cunning and deadly as its cousin. It is a light and nimble traveler that likes to hitch rides on easy marks, and there seem to be plenty of them around. The Morona is like a flea; it has prodigiously strong hindlimbs, and it takes just a short jump to find a new place to live and multiply.

Unlike the Coronavirus that was originally thought to only threaten older folks , the Moronavirus seems to be fonder of younger crowds. The kind of young adults (?) who like to party while guzzling loads of suds.

These airheads don’t seem to believe that the enemy is still among us. Out of sight, out mind, right? After 2 months of confinement, and especially when the sun is shining, they are itching to get out and live it up. Some think that social distancing is just a “socialist” plot to keep them from having fun. Masks be damned as well!

We are young and healthy and there are few chances that the Moronavirus will attack us. Vulnerable? we are too active to be… Live for the present… who knows what tomorrow will bring…

What about spreading this disease to other people?  If they don’t like it, let them stay away from us.
But you will eventually come in contact with friends, relatives, colleagues…  and Moronavirus loves to schmooze…
We will take a chance! After all, life is a gamble. We want to have fun while we can.

All right…
By the way, do you know why this virus is called Moronavirus? You don’t? It was named in honor of its friends… it still does not ring a bell?

What if I said:

Airhead, birdbrain, blockhead, bonehead, cretin, dimwit, dodo, donkey, doofus dope, dork, dullard, dumdum, dummkopf, dummy, dunce, dunderhead, fathead, half-wit, idiot, ignoramus, knucklehead, moron, nitwit…

Or, egocentric, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-regarding, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself, thoughtless, unthinking uncaring, heedless…

Still don’t get it?

Lawd, forgive them blockheads!


Pétanque is an essential activity

“The Board members have discussed the serious situation with the contagious nature of this virus and the unknown spike that might come when the County starts to lighten some of the restrictions.

After much consideration, we have decided to cancel the remainder of the tournaments on our 2020 Calendar.” Christine Cragg (LPM President)

Wolfie Kurz

Holy guacamole! Do I understand that there will be no pétanque until 2021?
It is getting from bad to worse my fellow pétanquistes! The world needs to launch a coordinated effort to eradicate this damn virus that is messing up our lives… otherwise it might be the end of civilization as we know it.

When I was a child, the old folks used an ancestral remedy to fight just about any kind of illness. This magic potion was called “gnôle” and it was way more potent than the “wonder drug” touted by the President. It would put you in a temporary coma, and you would wake up (or not) later rejuvenated. We ought to give it a try… before injecting ourselves with Lysol.
By the way, I just forgot to tell you that gnôle translates as « booze » in English.

 But let’s come back to our sheep!

Pétanque is not a high energy activity, but it still gets you out of the house and compels you to run the old human machine. When you play pétanque, you do it for at least 3 or 4 hours at a time, and close to 6 hours, when you compete in a tournament.

Some people not familiar with this discipline don’t realize what huge mental and health benefits it provides. This important social activity relieves stress and provides healthy cardio to all the participants.

Believe it or not, but you are burning a significant number of calories. I could not get the exact figures, but by comparison bowling burns between 219 and 273 calories/hour. I will let you do the math.

So, both our minds and bodies badly need this activity, and both will significantly suffer if deprived of it for a long period of time. In my eyes this pastime (much more than religious practices) is “essential” and should be allowed to restart within the shortest delay.

Now (please don’t laugh) I long to hear Le Facteur’s legendary battle cry Jean-Michel”.

I understand that a vaccine (our only saving grace) is going through some accelerated trials in different parts of the world. If it succeeds, it will be the penicillin of our century and will prove one more time that science is far better medicine than politics.

Remember this in November!


Am I too likable?

Could I possibly be too likable? My modesty urges me to protest, but according to my grandson I am very endearing… so who am I going to believe? My enemies or a trusted relative? My grandson is extremely perceptive and over a few short years I have come to trust his keen judgment.

I am for the most part just an ordinary guy, so what could make me so irresistible to a 5-year boy?
In my early years I used to be a rather naughty youngster… not especially likable… My propensity to gossip with my friends during school hours earned me more than my fair share of punishment. My teacher, a stern Corsican who would slap me silly, never thought that I was likable.
And yet… It seems that in the eyes of my grandson I have grown to be extremely popular.

So, what then is the secret of my success with the kindergarten set?
My first overwhelming quality (in their eyes), is the fact that I am a softy. I find it almost impossible to say no to their demands. This is a big plus in my favor.

Then, even when I only understand half of his babble, I agree with my grandson. Another big plus. I don’t argue with him. Why start a pointless argument?
The kid is also dazzled by my technical expertise: I can juggle three remote control devices at once… A technique he still yearns to master.

Another one of my likability components is the fact that I can read. I can read various stories and embellish them with my comments at will. I also accept his own remarks without questioning.

The fact that I can count higher than ten, has also contributed to my likability. Anytime I spend more than the colossal amount of $10.00 makes a big impression on him.

The kid also thinks that I am greatly amusing; once in a while, I forget myself and say something in French; a thing that convulses him with laughter. What kind of gibberish is this ?

In short, my grandson almost takes me for a celestial being… and I am not yet ready to contradict him. It feels good to be likable… even temporarily.

My charisma is similar to wine… it has improved with age. My grandson likes me and I like him in return. A little later, when he will become aware of my flaws, I hope that he will still find me likable despite my many shortcomings.
That’s what love is all about.