Au Cochonnet Marin

The problem with political jokes is that they get elected. —Henry Cate, VII

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Fifty-three days until the elections. Can the so-called “undecided” finally decide and can some voters forsake traditional party allegiance?
Can some Trumpists vote for Clinton? Or vice-versa?

Fat obese chance.

“Trying to change someone only makes them cling to their existing behavior with brutish, primal force.” Brian D’Ambrosio

It is visceral. People only believe what they want to believe and nothing short of a major miracle could sway them.

An open-minded person could possibly change his mind, but it would be a very slow process that would require a lot of research.
You would need to have the willingness to seek details and sift through the mountains of baloney spewed by the candidates.
Television sound bites cannot possibly give you all the data you need. If you are serious about the electoral process you absolutely need to do some research and verify the various outlandish claims (e.g. Obama founded ISIS) made by the candidates.

“Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a very dangerous enemy indeed.” 
Anne Rice, The Witching Hour

I could not put it any better.

Then there is the much ballyhooed “honesty” factor.
Is “clean” Donald more honest than “crooked” Hillary?
After considering his checkered past and his various shady enterprises, I very much doubt it.

Trump is a crude carny barker. He will say anything to get voters into his tent without anything to show.
So far I have not read or heard any of his concrete solutions (I will build a great, great wall?) about the various problems besetting America.

Trump is also a crafty dodger. When are we going to see his fabulous Health report and his Tax return? Why aren’t they forthcoming?

At election time you need to be pragmatic. You need to deal with things sensibly and realistically.
Before trudging to the polls and committing to a candidate, you need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Who is more qualified to become Commander in Chief?
• Whose decisions would you trust in a situation like the Cuban Missile Crisis?
• Who would be cooler under pressure?
• Who has more experience dealing with world leaders?
• As an average American, would you get a better shake from Trump or Clinton?
• Who has more skeletons in his closet, the Donald or Hillary?
• And finally, and be honest about it, would you buy a used car from Donald Trump?

I rest my case.

An erratic and unpredictable leader (like Korea’s Kim Jong-un) can make quick irresponsible decisions without weighing the consequences.

In November you are not only voting for yourself, but for your children, the future of America and probably the fate of the free world.

Vote carefully and thoughtfully.
Mind 1933. Don’t repeat German history.

Alain

You learn more from losing than winning. You learn how to keep going. Morgan Wootten

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In any discipline winning is gratifying… but not particularly educative.
Winning will boost your ego but might also give you an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
It is always good to remember that no matter how good you think you are, there is always a gunslinger out there ready to take you on… and outgun you.

Losing on the other hand might be initially unpleasant, but helpful in the long run.
Losing is often more important than winning. It will in the long run forge your spirit and temper your resolve.
Learning how to lose will teach you how to win.

Personally, I don’t care to be known as a great player; I would rather be recognized as a friendly, good-humored and fair competitor.

It is true that the world likes winners, but up to a point. It is not unusual for many top performers to be stinkers who alienate their fans by their unsporting attitude.
In some case cases, supporters have been known to boo a top player and cheer an underdog.

Modesty is the most endearing attribute of any sports figure. Skills are important but character is a close second.
As the saying goes, a well-rounded player is “humble in victory and gracious in defeat.”

Points to remember about this little Sunday sermon:

Never overvalue yourself. Never brag.
“Do not talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.” Wilson Mizner.

Never become complacent. Always treat your opponents respectfully.
“Be Nice to People on Your Way Up. You’ll Meet Them On Your Way Down.”

 Never take a win for granted. If you do, Lady Luck will take a wicked pleasure in deflating your ego and taking you down a notch.

“When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less.” Paul Brown 

Pax vobis!

Alain

We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm. Winston Churchill

I started driving a car when I was 18 (that’s a long, long time ago) and I have more miles under my belt than I care to remember, but operating a modern vehicle today is a quantum leap forward for many middle-aged drivers.

Modern hybrid vehicles are totally computerized and handling one of them is almost like flying a UFO. You cannot simply lodge yourself in the driver seat and turn on the ignition key.
First of all, modern cars don’t have ignition keys. It is too “passé”. They have a power button and when you push it the dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree.
And your heart goes pitapat, pitapat.

It is like an electronic version of Jeeves awaiting your commands.

Modern cars are loaded with Star Wars’ features and it could take you more than a month to become thoroughly familiar with all of them.
It is also a dangerous period, because (like a teenager) you might be tempted to experiment with any of those features while driving and lose control of the chariot.

Fortunately most of these cars are equipped with Forward collision warning with auto-braking (a life-saving feature) and with a little luck, it will stop by itself before hitting anything.

Most of the modern cars sport the following features:

• Navigation system
• Forward collision warning with auto-braking
• Lane departure warning
• Blind spot warning
• Adaptive headlights
• Automatic high beams
• Adaptive cruise control
• Voice controls
• Back-up sensors
• Back-up cameras
• Tire pressure monitoring system
• Electronic stability control

You are sadly deluding yourself if you think that you can go to a dealer to just “kick the tires” of a new vehicle.
The minute you put your derrière in the driver seat, and especially when the dealer says nonchalantly “take it out for a spin, I have some paperwork to do” you are hooked! Regardless of what you promised your wife, your priest or your parole officer.
Holy mackerel! This chick magnet is too much! All these buttons…
Where is the missile launcher button?

P.G. Wodehouse wrote (I penned the first sentence):

After driving a new car and going back to your clunker, “You experience the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy’s Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day’s work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city’s reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.”

Before you know it, forswearing anything you ever said, you are signing a bunch of papers, shaking hands with your new BFF and transferring all your belongings from your old car to your new Star Wars ship.

No matter how hard you tried, you were a goner you the minute you stepped into the showroom.
Don’t feel bad. The seductiveness of a modern car is more powerful than the sex appeal of Alexandra Daddario and Marilyn Monroe combined, and I promise you that you will remain on Cloud 9 for at least 3 months.

Ignition, get set, Shazam!

Alain

S for the Wisdom of Solomon
H for the Strength of Hercules
A for the Stamina of Atlas
Z for the Power of Zeus
A for the Courage of Achilles
M for the Speed of Mercury