Boob tube withdrawal

My beloved TV set had a stroke. The sudden attack left it half paralyzed: the sound is still there but the image is gone.
I immediately called emergency and a TV clinician showed up equipped with a black bag, a defibrillator and a thick foreign accent.

After charging me $135.00 for a house call, he told me that my telly needed an organ transplant. A transplant?
Is this operation necessary doctor?
Yes it is.
Will the patient recover all its faculties?
Hum… How long will it take?
Just a few days.
All right, let’s do it.

The good doctor then grab my set and absconded.

DepressedTwo weeks later, my boob tube is still waiting for its transplant.
I am starting to experience BTWS (Boob Tube Withdrawal Symptoms.)
As you probably have heard, any kind of addiction is difficult to shake.
Right now, I am experiencing difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss, anxiety, irritability, disturbed sleep, muscle pain, stiffness and Irregular heart rate.
Not a pleasant state of affairs.

In desperation I started looking for a replacement set. Not an easy task. I counted at least a dozen of different brands (practically none American) and an equal number of different sizes on the market.

All merchants claim that their contraptions are the greatest.
But you know this is not so.
Again what differences the men from the boys is the price of their toys.
If you want a decent machine you will need to shell out the big bucks.

It is also increasingly difficult to find medium size (40-43”) sets. All the merchants are advertising jumbo sets. It is easy to understand why. A large set (starting at 60”) costs about three times the price of a smaller set.
But a big set requires a large area and my bedroom (although grandiose) is not Albert Hall.

I finally located what I thought was a decent 43” set. I summoned Amazon and two days later the contraption arrived.
I set it up and pushed the power switch.
Big disappointment. Instead of he vivid tones that I expected, I was presented with sickly, washed out colors. Obviously, I did not dish out enough coins for my toy.

I sent it immediately back to Amazon (at a personal cost of $65.00).

Called the TV witch doctor again. He is still waiting for a part. Jeez… aren’t there enough donors out there?

I cannot live 2 weeks without watching the news. It is election time for chrissake!
I need to know on a daily hourly basis what the Republican Mundunugu is concocting and what can be done to save the Republic.

I reordered another set. Bigger, more expensive.
It arrived a few days later. Setting it up was a cinch. The resolution and the colors are splendid.

I don’t have any reasons to beat my wife anymore. Life is good.


“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.”

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