Cleaning frenzy

Forced confinement has driven many people to extremes. They eat too much, drink too much, think too much, sleep too much… They do everything in excess.
My wife is no exception, she cleans like there is no tomorrow. She cannot stay still. The minute she runs out of things to do, she cleans or vacuums something. Furniture, floors, walls, toilets, sinks, clothes…
It is a bizarre, slightly scary obsession… probably born from stress.

“My theory on housework is, if the item does not multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.” Erma Bombeck

I am not big on cleaning. Like most men, I adhere mostly to Erma Bombeck’s philosophy. If it does not multiply or smell, leave it alone. I have been told many times to never wake up a sleeping dog and I think that this is very good advice.
Don’t wake up sleeping dust either, it might jump at you.

And besides I have a cat (or what resembles a cat); it is her job to catch anything moving or crawling. She has nothing else to do and taking bugs captive is the least I ask her to do. But contrarily to my hyperactive wife, the beast does very little else. Under the pretense of meditating, she skirts her duties and mostly snoozes.

In my book, doing anything in excess is bad. I think that it says so somewhere in the Bible. Thou shall not overdo it… and if it is not there, it ought to be.

Since she stopped working a few months ago, my wife has been like a lion in a cage… Pacing and cleaning…cleaning and pacing.
She might be overcompensating for my lack of enthusiasm for swabbing or polishing. After all, I am retired. My new job formally proscribes me to do anything that might upset me.

But don’t think for a minute that I am not doing any cleaning at all… At least twice a week, I shave and empty the trash. I also occasionally do the dishes and polish my shoes.

When you think of it, “clean” is a five-letter word, which is much more consequential than a four-letter word. You have to handle those with care… like nitroglycerine. Any false move and it might blow in your face.

Fortunately, the cleaner-in-chief has re-enlisted for another tour of duty in her former outfit. This morning she suited up in her field uniform and went back to her barracks.
God speed my dear.

So, I am glad to report that everything is now (temporarily) quiet on the Western front.


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