Welcome to St Helena

Have you ever heard of St Helena? Maybe not, but it is somewhat famous.

Napoleon at Fontainebleau, 31 Mars 1814, by Hippolyte Paul Delaroche

This the place where in 1815 the British government sent Napoleon Bonaparte following his escape from Elba.

“Napoleon arrived in St Helena on 15th October 1815, after ten weeks at sea on board the HMS Northumberland.  He died there after six years in exile on the island.” 

It is a tiny island (10 by 5 miles) located in the South Atlantic 1,210 miles west of the coast of southwestern Africa, and 2,500 miles east of Rio de Janeiro. Saying that it is remote would be an understatement.

Why bringing up this forgotten episode now? The British didn’t know what to do with their inconvenient “ogre” after his downfall… Especially after his escape from Elba, and his subsequent march on Paris to reclaim his tarnished crown. They then shipped the troublemaker to St Helena, and it worked. Napoleon was unable to escape and was never heard of again until his death in 1821.

We are now in a similar situation. What should we do with a disgraced, unrepentant former president bent on revenge? The answer seems obvious to many people. A one-way ticket to St Helena.

Like Napoleon, he would be allowed to keep a small retinue of his followers… and his hairdresser. His wife (like Marie-Louise of Austria) would not have to share his fate and would probably become Queen of Slovenia at a latter date.

While in St Helena, the ex-president could indulge in his real estate passion. He could build have a few towers built, preeminently displaying his name, and a grand golf course. He would then have plenty of time to entertain his cronies, while forcefully reiterating his grievances about “the Radical Left” that stole the 2020 elections.

A small contingent of soldiers might also be garrisoned on the island to prevent a Mussolini-like escape from the Hotel Campo Imperatore in the Gran Sasso d’Italia massif.

A second option (less likely) might be the monastery. He and his progeny could relocate to a Trappist monastery to atone for their sins.

“The 48th chapter of the Rule of St. Benedict states “for then are they monks in truth, if they live by the work of their hands”. Following this rule, most Trappist monasteries produce goods that are sold to provide income for the monastery.”

The family led by his enterprising daughter could launch a fashionable brew called Trump Trapp or Trapp Trump. Whatever the name, it is bound to attract some followers and distract the ex-pres from attempting another storming of the Capitol.

See you at the Inauguration!


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