Good help is hard to find

Some of you might have noticed that lately, I have not been as productive as I was in the past.
My literary output (I like the sound of this) has decreased and some of my readers are wondering why.
In my defense, may it please the court, I will submit arguments pointing to highly extenuating circumstances.

My blogging output is conditioned by my access to my computer, or more precisely access to the computer’s keyboard.
My primary problem stems from the fact that my collaborator is lazy (yes) and prone to lengthy snooze sessions on my work area.
This prevents me from accessing the keyboard, thus greatly restricting my creative output.

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The second problem has something to do with her brazen attempts to take control of my writing.
She will frequently try to correct my so-called “mistakes” by blocking the cursor on the screen with her right paw.
But (and I am not bragging) I am a much better speller than she is and she knows it.
I won’t be intimidated by her brazen insolence.

And leaning on the screen with both front paws to obstruct my field of vision is a little childish, don’t you think? I don’t mind creative suggestions, but I won’t be bullied into submission by catty tactics.

Besides this, I also have other grievances.

In order to create, you need to have a clear mind and you cannot have a clear mind if you don’t get enough sleep.
I will submit to you ladies and gentlemen, that my slumber has been highly perturbed by my collaborator’s nightly incursions in my bed.
That hussy has no qualms about sleeping with me and taking advantage of my weak moral compass.
Licking my face with a raspy tongue is also highly prejudicial to the quality of my sleep.

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To sum it up, ladies and gentlemen, my collaborator whose main activities are sleeping, playing, and eating (not necessarily in that order) lacks the inner drive and the qualities to be a successful blogger.
Did I mention the time spent on grooming?

I must confess that I hired her based on her good looks and her playful ways, but I am afraid that she not responsible enough to hold a trustworthy position.

It is for many of theses reasons that I am relegating her to a strictly honorific function.
I will keep her as a trophy cat to be exhibited at cocktail parties but that’s all.
No byline in my blog!

If you hear any rumors to the contrary, don’t believe it. I am still the sole writer and editor of this blog.

Thank you for your attention.

Alain

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