Social media

“Social media are computer-mediated technologies that facilitate the creation and sharing of information, ideas, career interests (love life) and other forms of expression via virtual communities and networks.”

You are not on social media? What’s wrong with you? How the hell are you keeping track of your exes? Boyfriends, girlfriends, and all significant others? Aren’t you curious to see how they fare without your beneficent patronage?
Are they as miserable as you or did they already “hook up” with some insignificant nobody? And did they change their status? Already? Bitches… assholes!

Because that’s what social media are for… To keep track of friends… or that miserable jackass/bitch you were so fond of…

With Facebook, for instance, you don’t have to keep calling your ex and humiliate yourself anymore. Any social medium will tell you the story; with color pictures to emphasize how well these losers are doing without you. And if you don’t see what you are looking for in Facebook, turn to another medium. They are now a dime a dozen.

But everything about social media is not negative. They allow you to keep in touch with friends or relatives living or traveling abroad. I recently discovered that some of my friends were vacationing in Japan, Sweden, Peru, Israel, Argentina…

Now that postcards and letters are “passé”, how would you know that your dentist is gallivanting in Patagonia?

Besides love matters, you can also give free rein to your political views… But don’t do it immediately after breaking up with a wanton woman or an insensitive jackass.

You could go overboard… And political analysts (or worse) will duly record it. Just be glad that you are not living in a totalitarian state where speaking up could be hazardous to your health.

“Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t want plastered on a billboard with your face on it.”
Erin Bury, Sprouter community manager

You can also use social media to advance your career. Well-crafted resumes could do wonders for you.

So social media are not really that bad. You just need to learn how to navigate them. And use paddles and safety jackets. Do not provide too many details about your private life or your habits; you could be stalked.

Social media are here to stay. For a while. Until a bright whippersnapper comes up with a new brilliant idea. Then social media will disappear as quickly as flip phones or answering machines did.

In the meantime, enjoy it and stop stalking your good-for-nothing, two-timing, miserable, slutty EX-girlfriend.

Alain

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