Au Cochonnet Marin

We are facing another heatwave and people are shedding their garments like Florida strippers. Shorts and bare legs are appearing everywhere, but often with mixed results alas.

It is definitely not my intention to body shame anybody, but rather to caution people about the pitfalls of fashion. Let’s face it, few people look good stark naked or even lightly dressed; and before stepping out in your short shorts, spend a few minutes in front of a full view mirror. And turn around and look critically at your tush, because if you don’t, other people will… often negatively.

Most people are not equal opportunity mannequins, and many would fare much better fully clothed than partially undressed.

“I have a body like a mannequin. I must, because instead of women trying to get me naked, they only want to see me with clothes on.” –Jarod Kintz

It is of course everybody’s prerogative to be comfortable and to dress as they please, but a first glance is all it takes to pronounce a “guilty” judgment.
You should not dress according to fashion magazines, but in the function of the body that you inherited. If you have fat thighs, I beg you, don’t wear short shorts. It hurts people’s eyesight, especially mine after very recent cataract surgery.

Some lucky people (I hate them) can wear anything and look great. But most of us peons, have got to think twice before trying to emulate the showbiz crowd. We, common mortals, have to remain modest… so have ordained Gods.

“Clothes are not Botox. Wearing a miniskirt does not take 10 years off your face.” – Stacy London

But if the deities smiled on you, and if they blessed you with great legs or a superb “derrière », flaunt it. I was about to say “You will make everybody happy” but on second thought, you might spoil the day of hundreds of women who are not that blessed.
Of course, I am speaking as a member of the brotherhood of men, but keep in mind that women can be much more scathing than men. And hell has no fury like a woman scorned…

Out of sheer charity, I have been thinking of opening a street booth, (just like Lucy van Pelt of Peanuts’ fame), to advise women of what not to wear. But on second thought I will recommend a much better-qualified individual. Her name is Abi and she is running a fashion blog called “Update your style”. Sneak a peek, I guarantee that she will provide you with good advice.

Alain
Freelance Fashion Advisor

 

“I like children… If they’re properly cooked” … well, personally, unlike WC Fields, I prefer them alive and kicking.

Grandparents are suckers… every youngster realizes this very quickly and stores this precious bit of information in a corner of his brain. Older folks are also somewhat ignorant, and most of them have never heard words such as “discipline” or “rules”. And kids are not about to enlighten them about such trivial matters.

A mini-vacation at Grandma is always welcome because grandparents are way cooler than parents… and they will always try to satisfy any of your whims. For a kid, a few days at grandma is like a stay at a Mexican resort. A non-stop Doritos chips and guacamole fiesta.

Kids learn from their grandparents, but grandparents also pick up a few things from the ankle biters… like how much punishment can you take before crying, uncle?

“An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.” ~ Gene Perret

The French came up with an amusing word describing how grandparents feel when grandchildren visit… and when they leave. They call the process “chicouf!”.

 Chic, is a French expression reflecting pleasure, satisfaction; its American equivalent is “swell”. Ouf is an interjection expressing relief, like the American “phew.”

The combination of these two words produces “chicouf”; hence, glad to see you come, happy to see you go.

Good fairies have also endowed grandchildren with superpowers. Like Captain America, kids carry an invisible magic shield that protects them from harm. If you attempt to hurt them, the evil deed will bounce off their shield and hit you back. Can you win a fight with Captain America? In your dreams baby… in your dreams.

A grandkid is somewhat akin to a girlfriend… capricious, but captivating at the same time. And spoiling him/her is often easier than pleasing your inamorata. Ice cream by the way also carries a good deal of magic. It can stop a tantrum and pacify a tense situation instantly. It is roughly the equivalent of the pair of earrings that you buy for your girlfriend to be forgiven for something that you are not even aware of.

“Elephants and grandchildren never forget.” – Andy Rooney

Grandkids, even though they sometimes cannot read, have an elephant’s memory. A promise made in the fog of a busy day has to be kept no matter what. If you forget about it, a kid won’t and will remind you of it every single day. For your own good, you absolutely cannot welch on a promise made to a child. Otherwise, they will text you every day and Instagram will hear about it.

But grandkids (especially when they are napping) are captivating, and you cannot help loving them. They are stimulating… but like stimulants, they should be consumed carefully, in small doses at a time.

Alain

Last Sunday I attended my first post-pandemic tournament of the season, the Select Triples in Sonoma. Not as a competitor mind you, but as an interested blogger. Armed with an array of recording devices I showed up on the pétanque field around 10:00 am and stayed there until past 7:00 pm.

Sixty-three players (21 triplettes) had signed up to play and were already battling on the field. The weather was exceptionally cooperative, and the thermometer never rose above 85 degrees Fahrenheit. Ideal weather for a tournament; we even got a little breeze as a bonus.

Again, it felt strange seeing everybody without a mask, and greetings were sometimes awkward. To hug, to kiss, to make fist contact? that was the uncomfortable question, but we managed…

The Big Boys were already in the process of wiping out the weaker teams, and around lunchtime, 16 teams qualified to play in the Concours and 5 teams were to fight it out in the Consolante.

I happened to follow the fate of some friends (Francois, Jean-Claude, and Gerard) who had stumbled in the Concours and faced the powerful team of John Harris/Tom Lee/Chan Xiong in the afternoon. The execution took place in the pebble-strewn area, in the farthest corner of the field. Within minutes, the score was 12/2 in favor of Harris’s team. I left before watching the mercy killing.

I also followed Jean-Michel and his merry men; despite being a relatively strong team they had a disastrous morning. They lost 3 games in a row and were unceremoniously shown the door to the Consolante. But every cloud has a silver lining… Jean-Michel, Damien, and Bernard eventually ended up winning that part of the tournament.

The Concours finals pitted two of the strongest teams in the field against each other. Peter Mathis, Mickey Coughlin, against Patrick Vaslet took on John Harris, Tom Lee, Chan Xiong. Both teams won all 3 games in the morning and continued destroying every competitor in the afternoon.

Finally, they faced each other. It was a clash of giants. Harris’ team had 3 excellent shooters while Mathis’s formation fielded only 2. But they had an ace up their sleeves, and his name was Patrick Vaslet.

Patrick who played as a pointer did a fabulous job. On a pebble-strewn, difficult terrain, he managed to position just about every boule not farther than 3 inches away from the cochonnet. I sincerely believe that it was his fantastic pointing ability that secured the game in favor of his team. I am not saying that Peter and Mickey did not help; they did as usual an outstanding job, but a great part of the victory was undeniably due to Patrick’s uncanny ability. The crowd in attendance cheered him numerous times.

Despite Fresno’s solid defense, the game ended up with the surprising final score of 13/2 in favor of Sonoma. Despite the great point margin, both teams played extremely well and it was a great tournament.

Final results:

Concours (16 teams)

1^st place:        Peter Mathis/Patrick Vaslet/Mickey Coughlin
2^nd place:       John Harris/Tom Lee/Chan Xiong
3^rd place:        Scott Jordan/Dave Lanter/Dan Marioni

Consolante (5 teams)

1^st place:        Damien Monnet/Bernard Passmar/Jean-Michel Poulnot
2^nd place:       Don McPherson/Linda McPherson/Bob Stephens

Alain

PS: Click on My photos, and you will find your way to hundreds of pictures. Let me know how you like them.