Grandchildren’s tales

 

“I like children… If they’re properly cooked” … well, personally, unlike WC Fields, I prefer them alive and kicking.

Grandparents are suckers… every youngster realizes this very quickly and stores this precious bit of information in a corner of his brain. Older folks are also somewhat ignorant, and most of them have never heard words such as “discipline” or “rules”. And kids are not about to enlighten them about such trivial matters.

A mini-vacation at Grandma is always welcome because grandparents are way cooler than parents… and they will always try to satisfy any of your whims. For a kid, a few days at grandma is like a stay at a Mexican resort. A non-stop Doritos chips and guacamole fiesta.

Kids learn from their grandparents, but grandparents also pick up a few things from the ankle biters… like how much punishment can you take before crying, uncle?

“An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.” ~ Gene Perret

The French came up with an amusing word describing how grandparents feel when grandchildren visit… and when they leave. They call the process “chicouf!”.

 Chic, is a French expression reflecting pleasure, satisfaction; its American equivalent is “swell”. Ouf is an interjection expressing relief, like the American “phew.”

The combination of these two words produces “chicouf”; hence, glad to see you come, happy to see you go.

Good fairies have also endowed grandchildren with superpowers. Like Captain America, kids carry an invisible magic shield that protects them from harm. If you attempt to hurt them, the evil deed will bounce off their shield and hit you back. Can you win a fight with Captain America? In your dreams baby… in your dreams.

A grandkid is somewhat akin to a girlfriend… capricious, but captivating at the same time. And spoiling him/her is often easier than pleasing your inamorata. Ice cream by the way also carries a good deal of magic. It can stop a tantrum and pacify a tense situation instantly. It is roughly the equivalent of the pair of earrings that you buy for your girlfriend to be forgiven for something that you are not even aware of.

“Elephants and grandchildren never forget.”Andy Rooney

Grandkids, even though they sometimes cannot read, have an elephant’s memory. A promise made in the fog of a busy day has to be kept no matter what. If you forget about it, a kid won’t and will remind you of it every single day. For your own good, you absolutely cannot welch on a promise made to a child. Otherwise, they will text you every day and Instagram will hear about it.

But grandkids (especially when they are napping) are captivating, and you cannot help loving them. They are stimulating… but like stimulants, they should be consumed carefully, in small doses at a time.

Alain

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