Just for laughs

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him: “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies: “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City.”
St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary Church for the last forty-three years.”
St. Peter consults his list and says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was just a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

**********

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”
He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track?  “Betty Sue” was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.” She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he’s reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, “What was that for?”
She answers, “Your horse called.”

 

Restaurants redux

For Valentine’s Day I took my жена to a restaurant.

Alas, three times alas, I was not pleased. And I am pretty sure that I am not the only one in that predicament.

So why do people go to restaurants?
To me, the primary reason is to get out of the house and give the home chef a break.
The secondary reason might be the desire to dine in different surroundings.
And third, the odd chance of making a palate pleasing discovery.

Unfortunately, when you go to a neighborhood restaurant few things compare favorably with what you cook at home.
Most of the dishes lack flavor or are drowning in some “secret sauce”.

To avoid offending anyone’s taste buds, the kitchen deliberately underseasons every dish. Or that’s what I think they do.
The food is bland, bland, desperately bland!

I realize that taste is subjective, but within limits.
What tastes bad to me couldn’t possibly taste good to anybody else.

Last night, I chose “tuna ceviche” as appetizer.
Anybody worth his shot of Tequila knows that ceviche is basically raw fish marinated (cooked) in lime juice.
Well, in this so-called ceviche I couldn’t detect the faintest trace of lime.
The kitchen just slapped together a few pieces of raw tuna with a few herbs.
Tasted insipid.
Ceviche without citrus juice? Who are you kidding?

My second dish was called “Baja seafood salad”.
A bed of greens decorated with a few pieces of grilled salmon, scallops and prawns.
Not too much to say about the seafood, but the salad was totally bland.
Just grass! Would have made my neighboring cows happy.
Not much Baja in this Ensalada!

I understand that a restaurant, like any other business, wants to attract as many people as possible, but when trying to please everybody you please nobody.
A restaurant should specialize in a certain type of food and focus on people attracted by this kind of food.
And if the dishes demand garlic and spices, by golly, give them garlic and spices.
Nothing is worse than tasteless grub.

As usual, after this experience, I will refrain from eating in a restaurant for a while.
And as usual, in a near future I will fall off the wagon and return to one of these pseudo “restaurants”.

C’est la vie!

But no worries!
I am still hot.
It just comes in hot flashes.

Hasta luego!

Alain

Prisonnier

Doit-on être prisonnier de ses origines?

L’autre soir je regardais sur TV5 « On n’est pas couché » l’émission de Laurent Ruquier, et l’invitée politique du moment était Jeannette Bougrab.
Je n’avais jamais entendu parler de cette femme auparavant, mais elle m’a immédiatement séduit.
Elle est belle, féminine, moderne, intelligente et éloquente.

Bien que née de parents musulmans (père harki), elle se proclame athée et rejette tous les tabous de la société musulmane.
Madame Bougrab revendique sans complexes sa qualité de femme indépendante et émancipée.
Quel bonheur de regarder une telle femme, enfin libérée du carcan des croyances ancestrales !

De là ma question.
Doit on être prisonnier de ses origines?
Non, mille fois non !

Quelles que soient ses origines, il incombe à chaque individu de librement choisir ses idées et son mode de vie.

Je suis né moi-même (je dirais accidentellement) de parents juifs mais j’ai refusé dès un très jeune âge de m’enfermer dans un ghetto communautaire et claustrophobique.

J’aime la charcuterie et les fruits de mer (tabous dans la religion juive) et je n’ai jamais eu l’intention de me priver de ce que j’aime parce que quelques barbus l’ont ainsi décrété il y a quelques milliers d’années.
J’aurais pu naitre huguenot ou mormon mais le sort en avait décidé autrement.
Etais-je donc obligé de me plier par tradition à des préceptes astreignants jetés sur moi par un sort capricieux ?

Non, absolument pas !

Quand j’avais environ 12 ans, mon meilleur copain était le fils d’un cheminot, ancien Résistant et Communiste convaincu.
Je me souviens d’être venu un jour à l’improviste chez mon camarade et d’avoir vu une scène assez étonnante pour l’époque.
Son père était tranquillement en train de nettoyer un pistolet mitrailleur allemand sur la table la cuisine. Un vestige sans doute de la Deuxième Guerre Mondiale.

Je me souviens avoir été très impressionné, et pendant quelques années j’ai été imbibé des convictions politiques de cet homme la.
Puis peu a peu, en grandissant, j’ai formé mes propres opinions et me suis éloigné de mon copain d’enfance et des idées déjà rétrogrades de son père.

Ne vous laissez jamais piéger par des « traditions » ou des croyances révolues.
Tout change, tout évolue et il n’y a que les idiots qui refusent de s’adapter à un monde sans cesse changeant.

Quels que soient vos ancêtres, si vous doutez ou n’êtes pas d’accord avec une croyance quelconque, rejetez la, sans hésitation.

Alain

PS : Apres avoir occupé différentes fonctions au sein du gouvernement, madame Bougrab est aujourd’hui avocat associé au sein du cabinet américain Mayer Brown.