Au Cochonnet Marin

Help, au secours… It seems that I don’t understand French Computerese… Is it an unknown symptom of Covid-19? Like losing your sense of taste? I feel very uneasy about this…

As you probably know, a language has many different facets. The spoken form, for instance, can be quite different from the written form… and in my case, even though I speak French, I struggle to understand French Computerese…

Computerese is a fairly recent language that was born (I believe) in America. Being an early fan of the computer brotherhood, I embraced Computerese at its dawn. But speaking English Computerese does not necessarily mean understanding French Computerese.

French is far more verbose than English, and it often takes twice the amount of words to express the same idea. So, a simple Anglo word can morph in a quaint French expression that is understood only by French insiders… and I am not one of those.

A few days ago, a  friend asked me to replace her Facebook password. It seems that Facebook does not like you to mess with this area and it does not make the process easy. And this routine becomes even more challenging under unusual conditions.

My friend is using a PC running on MS Windows… in French…  these two combined factors added to my perplexity.

Originally, when I started working in the US, everybody used computers running on the Microsoft architecture and so did I. After a while, I became fairly knowledgeable about PC Computerese.

But later on, tired of the increasingly frequent Microsoft updates, I switched to an Apple computer and started losing touch with the Windows world.

When you are not familiar with it, navigating Windows 10, in French, can be intimidating. It is a little bit like speaking French with a Haitian.

To make a long story short, I finally got the job done, but I am not sure that I can still speak French. To reassure myself, I will try to sing the first bars of La Marseillaise…

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé…

 So far, so good… I might live after all…

Regardless how bored you are, listen to Uncle Alain, and remain socially distant for a while longer!

Alain

The phone virus (or Phovid-20) is way more potent and vicious than Covid-19. And very few people are aware of this!

Long after the coronavirus is defeated, Phovid-20 will continue to thrive and spread havoc. I daresay that it will outlast the effects of Covid-19 by decades.

So far, young children seem to be partially immune to this dreadful disease; but in First Grade, after mingling with their peers, they are very likely to become infected… and parents will do anything to soothe their sufferings.

Phovid-20 is more dangerous than Covid-19 because it has sex-appeal, and it is highly addictive. It is like cocaine. The victims know that the stuff is bad for them, but they still crave it.

“We get one of these little pings on our smartphones, and we get a little hit of dopamine as well. We get excited. We feel anticipation. As we feel this, we want it more and more. So we spend more and more time looking at our phones.” ~ Kim Stolz

 I have been documenting this phenomenon for the last 6 months and I have the photos to prove my assertions. Spending time in cafés is one of my “péchés mignons” (guilty pleasures) and while seemingly slurping some Java, I have been snapping pictures of the addicts. And none of them by the way, are observing “social distancing.”

My photos will prove irrefutably, that at least 80 % of the population is already infected, and I am afraid that my wife is part of that group. Authorities (who are aware of this disease) have been slow to react. They don’t want to panic the public at large and hurt the Dow Jones Industrial Average, but they are clearly worried.

Some pro-business politicos have been talking about using Lysol to prevent the spread of Phovid-20, but scientists remain doubtful. A vaccine will have to be created and tested before the public is allowed to use it.

“The challenge for a human now is to be more interesting to another than his or her smartphone.” ~ Alain de Botton

 This is a tough one! How can you possibly compete with a know-it-all smart aleck? And to make it worse, the carrier of Phovid-20 is warm and cuddly. People like to touch it, to fondle it, to kiss it… They even sleep with it…

Recommendation

As I told you before, it is going to be a tough struggle. Detox centers will flourish but with no real guarantee of success.

If you are interested (and probably worried) about this development, click on “my photos” to look at the evidence.

Alain

Pictures are like the keepers of times passed. Each of them has the power to instantly revive fading but not forgotten memories.

This is why I am posting this album today. Because images are far better than words to express moods and emotions.

“The whole point of taking pictures is so that you don’t have to explain things with words.”  Elliott Erwitt

The coronavirus ordeal has kept people cloistered and cut off from relatives and friends. Phone calls provide a little relief, but after a few minutes of conversation, you realize that you have very little to share.

So this exercise is to revive your flagging spirit with pictures and some attempts at humor.

The pictures shown today cover about a ten-year span. I tried to include as many people as I met during this period, but some probably slipped through the net. You might also notice that many of these pictures tried to capture the soul rather than the body of the people photographed.

Except for our Twitter-in-chief utterings, there is very little to laugh about. So, here are a few “bons mots” picked on the Internet:

What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!

I find this one very “à propos.”

The birthdays in March April and May are suspended. The persons concerned will keep the same age until 2021.

 This bit of good news will take the chill off some dejected souls.

If schools remain closed too long, parents will find a vaccine before scientists.

The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.

 OK, I feel that I have done my bit to lift off your spirit. The rest is up to you. Look at the pictures and share them with your friends and loved ones.

Positive comments are always appreciated. Yes, right now you have plenty of time to do that.

Alain

PS: I howled with my neighbors last night, and I probably will do it again tonight. It felt good.