I take my kids everywhere, but they always find their way back home. Robert Orben
I am aware that due to the “Shelter in place” policy, some people are getting bored out of their minds. Fortunately, there is a sure-fire antidote to remedy this problem. And best of all, it is readily available to all.
If you are wallowing in such a miserable state, the cure is staring you in the face. To eradicate this mind-numbing boredom, just propose to friends or family to shelter their 5-year-old kid for a week. Half a dozen kids will be dropped at your front door thirty seconds after you have made this offer.
A kid this age needs constant entertainment and I guarantee that for the duration of his/her stay you won’t be bored a single minute. And as a bonus, you will also sleep like a log. At the end of the day, you will be so exhausted that you will collapse on your bed and fall asleep instantly. Absolutely no medication needed.
To keep the kid in fighting shape, you will also need to exercise him. You might discover that you are not as fit as you thought you were. The kid will still be darting right and left while you will be panting on a bench…
You might have dealt professionally with a full-grown diva before, but this experience won’t prepare you for dealing with a miniature prima donna. You will need to be extremely flexible and creative to accommodate his wishes.
Divas throw occasional tantrums, but kids having more energy, are likely to regale you with at least one tantrum a day. And the only way to deal with such “garnements” is to bribe them into submission.
Kids are also known in French as “touche-à-tout” (touch everything) and you will have to secure every valuable item (including your stash of weed) in your house before their scheduled blitz.
Since their minds are not yet cluttered with a lot of conservative junk, kids have elephants’ memory. They remember everything they hear (even what they are not supposed to catch). So, when you are tempted to let go with a salvo of colorful expletives, exercise great caution over what comes out of your mouth.
I hate to say it…
But kids are also lovable… especially at bedtime.
As a friend of mine once said: “the only reason you don’t strangle them all is that are so damn lovable.”
And they are cuddlers! When you are ready to throw them in a dungeon, they cuddle! The nerves of those rascals!
Who in hell can resist a cuddle? Not me. I am too much of a soft touch.