Crime and punishment

I am no Sherlock Holmes but I can always tell if a crime has been committed or if somebody broke into my office. My MO has always beena place for everything and everything in its place.” So if anything looks even slightly out of place, I know that my safety perimeter has been breached.

The two most likely perpetrators are my cat and our grandson.

The cat prefers to operate under the cover of darkness. She possesses night vision goggles and her Native American name is “She who walks in the dark.” While everybody is snoozing, she gets up and goes on patrol. She examines/sniffs every single object in her path. If something catches her fancy she will bat it for a while. If she deems that thing amusing, she will play with it briefly and then abandon it.
How do I know that she was there? There might be footprints or hair (most likely) left on the scene of the crime. I even found a whisker once.

Our grandson is more like a bungling bandito. He does not dwell in the dark but operates under the blanket of innocence. He casually strolls into a room and investigates (flips, opens, uncorks, disassembles, deconstructs) whatever is in his reach.

The problem is that you cannot stay mad at these two scoundrels. The cat, no matter what you tell her, remains as cool as a cucumber. Even when obviously guilty, she never blinks. Under duress, she might give you her name, rank and microchip number. But that’s all. She is a tough bird.

Our grandson cunningly plays the educational card. “I was just trying to figure out how that thing works.” Yes, I was unable to put it back to his original state, but I did this because I am eager to learn. Learning is not a crime, or is it?
Well no… technically it is not a crime…

How do you deal with these two rascals?
Kill them with kindness, that’s how! After a little research, I came to the conclusion that to prevent crime, you need to wear out the offenders. Play with them until exhaustion… Until they (or you) fall flat on their backs begging for mercy.

A cat by the way, is easier to fatigue than a kid. Play 20 minutes with her and she is ready for a nap. A kid on the other hand, has inexhaustible energy. He will wear you out before you can tame him.

Treats are my Kryptonite. When the kid is overwhelming you, buy him off with a goody of any kind. Destroy his supernatural buoyancy through his stomach.

the way to a scoundrel’s heart is through his stomach.

That’s what wives have done for centuries to tame their wayward husbands.


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