Lately, a little voice in my head has been inciting me to start a cult.

Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin

I don’t know where it comes from, but it sounds like an interesting idea. Convince people that you know something that they don’t, and mold them into obedient, zombie-like disciples.
Who would not want to do this?

Thinking of it, I would not mind being venerated and have people blindly follow my directives… Some folks even worship POTUS, so it must fairly easy to accomplish.

It is not important by the way, to know anything about what you will preach. You just need to improvise and come up with a few catchy slogans. “Let all that you do be done in Love” is a good one. “Love is My Religion” is another winner.

One of the important problems facing my undertaking is that I don’t know where to start… but this never stopped any determined entrepreneur. So as usual, I checked the internet for advice.

I came across a bunch of cult leaders, and to my surprise, they were not all men. There were plenty of women among them. Live and learn.

According to the web, you have to start small and reel in one follower at a time. Once the subject has been properly conditioned, you send him/her out to proselytize in your favor. “Z is an amazing person. He is a spiritual leader who changed my life completely… you have to meet him.”

There is nothing like word of mouth recommendation. It is much better than advertising. You might not necessarily believe an ad but you will pay more attention to a friend who is vouching for a certain product.
So, let your disciples spread the good word and soon you will have an interested audience.

Nabbing a celebrity would be a plus but you can do without it. You have to subtly mold your followers into complete submission. Once it is done you can ask them anything: money, sexual favors, murder, suicide attacks.
Who would not be tempted by such an experiment? Power is intoxicating… and rewarding.

So don’t be surprised if one of these day somebody contacts you and ask you to join my group. For a few dollars I promise to show you the True Path and enlighten you.

Just one thing though. You will have to address me as Maharishi Alain and defer to me for all matters of importance.

That’s all. I cannot wait to meet you and take advantage of you enlighten you.


PS: “If a spiritual teacher says something that doesn’t make sense to you, you should always listen to yourself and not the teacher. A little common sense would end all cults.” Frederick Lenz


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