Safari

Tamara & Alain

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”  W. C. Fields 

My domestic partner and I are about to embark on an exciting safari, and ten days before departure time we I am pathetically unprepared.
Make no mistake, a safari is no ordinary vacation. One needs to carefully plan for it and any oversight could be costly.

We need porters, camera bearers, trackers, cooks and translators to communicate with the various tribes that we will encounter. We also have to dress properly. I have set aside a pair of safari trousers, a hat, a bandana and a sarong, an elegantly casual outfit for dinner and of course my special undergarments.
My partner keeps her traveling wardrobe under wraps.

We also have to pack some “meds” such as insect repellent and anti-malaria tablets for some unforeseen circumstances.

No trophy hunting for us by the way. Unlike pathetic small-penis hunters, we are not going there to slaughter any living creature. I will be shooting exclusively natives in their natural habitat. I have plenty of digital ammunition and I will be merciless.
I will give you a chance to watch my “tableau de chasse” upon my return.

So where are we going? you may ask. This is a closely guarded secret known only to a few hundred of our closest friends. The only thing that I can tell you, is that our expedition is going to involve air travel and fluvial navigation.
The Amazon? The Yangtze? We are not talking…

Of course, like Stanley, I will try to keep a journal. Later on, if I am well disposed, I might tell you about our drunken parties or any other debauchery.

Some old friends will meet us in a secret location. They might carry damaging information about some of our presidential candidates, and if they do, they will pass it to me. I will use this as I see fit.

In the meantime, I am still pondering what kind of zapatos to bring along. We are going to an area known for sudden changes in weather and we don’t want to be caught with our pants down.

We hope that the country won’t go to pieces while we are away. Nowadays sexual revelations can explode like IED’s and blow to smithereens the most powerful political machines. If you are planning to run, clean up your radioactive closets my friends.

Adios, arrivederci, ciao, auf wiedersehen, paka, see ya, a la revoyure

Captain Alain

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