Au Cochonnet Marin

Relationships are what life is all about. To make it worthwhile, you want a satisfying emotional and sexual association with somebody. If you don’t have it, you won’t feel complete until you do.

But relationships are eminently tricky. You want to be part of a couple, but you don’t want to be smothered by your partner. Both individuals want to be together, but not 24 hours a day. When both partners work, they leave the nest in the morning, mingle with different people during the daytime, and are happy to meet again in the evening. In other words, you need to take regular breaks from the relationship to make it sustainable.

An individual in a couple is like an apnea diver. After the exhilaration of a deep dive, he must periodically come back for air to continue his activity. Problems will occur if you work together or when you retire. Being on top of each other every minute of the day is mentally exhausting and corrosive. You might like strawberry pie, but not every day of the week.

To test a budding relationship (and I talk from experience), I would recommend a three weeks’ vacation far away from your regular, comfortable environment. If after this time together you are still talking to each other, your relationship has a chance to survive. If not, you are not made for each other and you better call it quit, no matter how painful it can be.

This long preamble brings me to the now infamous Petito/Laundrie affair. Four months together in a small van was a recipe for disaster. A thousand things could go wrong, (it did) and the couple didn’t have any “boudoir” to decompress. A boudoir by the way is a small room usually adjacent to the bedroom. This word has its roots in “bouder” which in French means to sulk. After a quarrel, the woman would escape to her “boudoir” to regain her composure. Since a small van does have this luxury, you will have to sulk next to your partner and this will make the situation even more uncomfortable.

If you survive a long vacation together, plan to marry, and build a dream house, don’t forget to include a “boudoir” in your project. It is as valuable as a bathroom and can save your marriage. It is as necessary as an internet connection.

Togetherness is one thing, suffocation is another. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and there is quite a bit of truth in that. Give your partner regular breaks and let him/her blow off some steam away from you. Reunions will be sweeter and will consolidate your relationship.

“Parting is such a sweet sorrow…” because it will make you long for your next time together.

Alain

This was the title of a little story featuring Cynthia Heinrichs and posted in the SF Chronicle about a decade ago.

At the time, this titillating headline surely drew some attention since everybody (secretly) loves dirt… especially when it is French. But there was not really anything indecent about Cynthia and her activity.

The writer (Sam Whiting) was talking about pétanque which is indeed played in the dirt, stuff enjoyed by kids and adults alike.

Cynthia said that she became aware of the game during her honeymoon in the South of France and subsequently became a convert. She was 74 when the article was published, and today, even though she is not as quick on her feet as 10 years ago, she still can be seen frolicking in the dirt on the San Rafael court.

The beauty of this game is that it can be played anywhere, by anybody, regardless of age or physical condition, and octogenarians (and even nonagenarians) can commonly be seen on our local fields.

This discipline, which is fairly easy to master, nevertheless requires some stamina. Some people are amazed to discover that during a single session (which can last from 2 to 4 hours) you can cover a surprising amount of ground and burn a significant amount of calories.

I guarantee that, even if you have some trouble sleeping, if you play in a tournament (lasting between 5 to 6 hours) you definitely won’t have any problem falling in the arms of Morpheus.

Warning! the game is highly addictive and will take a fair amount of time. Yes, it will deprive you of many hours of TV watching and induce some initial discomfort. But it will pass very quickly. Soon you will eat and sleep pétanque and bore everybody with your fantastic boules stories.

America is currently highly divided by many political and medical issues and would greatly benefit by adopting this “dirty” game on a national level.

Like Robert De Niro, Mick Jagger, Johnny Depp, Yves Montand, Morley Safer, Peter Gabriel, Diane Kruger, etc. the President could help to reunite the nation by adopting and promoting this unique common people’s pastime. If he ever did, reelection would be a cinch.

You can also read an excellent article about pétanque (How boules got cool) in the Guardian.

Thank you, Cynthia, for sharing your story with us.

Alain

“I am remarkably likable. Few people have ever been as likable as I am. There is, frankly, no end to my likeability. People gather together in public assemblies to discuss how much they like me. I have several awards and a small medal from a small country in South America which pays tribute both to how much I am liked and my general all-around wonderfulness. I don’t have it on me, of course. I keep my medals in my sock drawer.” ~ Neil Gaiman

Just like Neil, I am also remarkably likable. Like him, I just ooze likeability… I am dripping with that stuff…
But enough talking about myself. People might think that I am vain… Let’s discuss your case instead, it is probably more interesting.

So, how likable are you? Are you generally friendly… distant? Are you a serial kisser or a reserved observer? Are you liked by your peers? let’s examine your personality…

First, do you smile often, and most important (to me), do you have a good sense of humor? Do you laugh easily at shaggy-dog stories, and can you laugh at yourself? If you can, it is a big plus for it is difficult to dislike a laughing person. I wish that politicians could do that… Can you imagine for a minute sourpuss Mitch McConnell smiling broadly?

Second, are you friendly? Are you approachable and can you sustain a light conversation without talking uniquely about yourself? Or are you usually rather distant and dispassionate?

Do you possess empathy? Can you recognize and commiserate with your friends’ difficulties? Even if you cannot help, empathy is a precious balm that is known to greatly relieve pain. A bunch of bonus points if you can empathize with your amigos.

What about promises? Do you usually honor your word? A promise (like a wager) is sacred. Your honor and integrity are in the balance. If you welch on any promise, you are definitely not likable. A five-year-old kid can tell you that.

And most important, can you keep a secret? Remember, a secret is not something you tell everybody to tell nobody. Secrets like vampires are afraid of broad daylight; they feel more comfortable in the darkness of their caves. And that is where they should remain.

Are you cool under pressure? Or do you start ranting and raving when things get difficult? If you do, you lose a bunch of points. A likable guy is a James Bond in disguise. No matter the situation, he remains cool and composed.

Lastly, do you like animals? If you do, you are my kind of person… We are of the same holy faith. If you ask politely, we could easily become BFFs.

“If I wasn’t an actor? Hmm, I’d probably be a serial killer. I’m just so damn likable, no one would ever suspect me.” ~ Zach Braff

Alain