Au Cochonnet Marin

I love gadgets… as a matter of fact, you probably don’t know it, but my middle name is Gadget. You might also ignore that this word is (probably) a derivation from the French word “gâchette” (trigger).

I just remembered that “gachette” rhymes with “braguette” (a trouser fly) and one of my (shady) friends liked the word so much that he called his pooch “braguette”. The dog nevertheless wore his name with pride. But I am digressing…

Gadgets are the new toys of the modern era. They are very intelligent; you can talk to them and ask them to perform a task. You will never hear any recriminations… they will obey you like a faithful mutt, and if they could (I know that it is coming) they would wag their tails. You don’t even have to raise your voice. The only prerequisite is to speak distinctly.

And even if you speak with a pronounced foreign accent, they still will understand you and execute your command. Humans, by the way, are not as smart as these gizmos… For instance, my wife has to repeat a command about 3 times before I can grab its meaning. A gadget gets it on the first try. This clearly demonstrates how much smarter than us these things are.

But gadgets, like some beloved pets, have a brief life span. Within a few short years, they become obsolete and fall out of favor. When you buy a gadget, you tend to forget that there are things called “upgrades” lurking in the shadow. These party-poopers usually show up a few days or a few weeks after you have taken your new toy home. This also means that after 2 years max you won’t be able to resist the lure of a new model and will jilt the old one for a new one. In other words, a gadget has the lifespan of a Hollywood romance… maybe a little more.

Talking about gadgets…

“My wife has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So, I bought her an electric chair.” — Red Skelton

 Even the electric chair (or the guillotine) is now obsolete even though they had a nice run as gadgets. But despite their usefulness, the public abandoned them. Like you fell out of love with the transistor radio, the pager, the Walkman, the iPod, the DVD, the BlackBerry, and the early bulky mobile telephone (with an antenna) that I used for work.

But I still love gadgets, no matter how short our love stories have been or will be.

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Alain

Grocery shopping, or shopping in general, is a chore for me… and for most true-blue American males I suspect. A necessary task, but a tedious one, and when I am coerced into doing it, I want this drudgery to be over fast… Like swallowing a spoonful of cod liver oil. Women on the other hand are born with a distinctive shopping gene and love to do what they are programmed to do. I by far, prefer to do my shopping online, with a drink in my hand and my cat on my laps. It is called “efficiency through comfort.”

Now, I just saw on TV5 (the French television channel), a short video praising a new fad. Supermarkets management in France is now encouraging their checkers to blah blah blah with their customers. Don’t rush, engage your patrons… they say.

“For two years, some employees of this Loire-Atlantique hypermarket have also had the mission of making conversation with their customers, while scanning their purchases.” 

 “We talk a lot about health, misfortunes, but also about family and small pleasures, explains the hostess, in office for 12 years. It’s the client who decides, I don’t oblige. Yesterday, a little grandmother stayed with me for 20 minutes. No worries, there was no one behind! »

What kind of nonsense is this? A new kind of Chinese torture? When I shop outside my bunker, I want it done fast. Like pulling off a tooth. Do it quickly and let me go.

You need to know that contrarily to American supermarkets where the checker packs your goods, in France, the customer has to bag his own merchandise… while the checker sits, watches, and (probably) used to sigh when it took too long.

In America, when the person in front of me engages in small talk with the checker, I feel like screaming. Hey mister, you are infringing on my civil rights… you are wasting my precious time and I resent it. You don’t want to vax? Fine. I don’t want blah blah blahs.

I am not heartless, and I empathize with lonely people who want to gab, but a crowded shopping establishment is not the place to do that. If you are lonely and need to talk, there are shrinks and escort services for that. These people will leisurely listen to you, and I understand that they do a commendable job.

So, no blah blah blah for me in supermarkets, please. I am all for progress, but there is a time and place for that. I reserve my blah blah blah time for my animal friends (especially dogs) who understand me well and vice versa. We always have unhurried conversations that leave all of us happy… without wasting anybody’s time.

« Le bla bla c’est bien, le concret c’est mieux. ».

Alain

 

As it is well-known, the game of pétanque originated in the South of France where nights are usually mild, and the natives expansive and chatty. Just ask my friend Louis Toulon, a typical Provençal.
To him and all his associates, a game is a mix of skills and entertainment. A bantering occasion, full of teasing, curses, and fake indignation.

Those unfamiliar with the game should know that pétanque is not just a physical activity but also a way to decompress; to release emotional strain and latent anxiety. In a spirited game, yells and curses abound, and that’s the way it should be.

To paraphrase a famous sporting quote, “All pétanque players are bilingual. They know French and profanity.”

Profanity, when properly delivered can be highly therapeutic. When playing, contestants should not be afraid to let go of their inner emotions. If they don’t, a match can quickly become very dull. And there is nothing worse than a lifeless game.

A sudden thought: in the spirit of pétanque, prospective candidates might take a few classes of the art of cursing before taking up the game. This way they would easily blend in with more seasoned players.

“Sure, there have been injuries and even some deaths in pétanque – but none of them really that serious.” – Alan Minter

In pétanque, there are two categories of games, casual and competitive. A casual game is a lively occasion, while competition is far more serious and subdued. Some players take the game very seriously, especially when big money is involved. The higher the prizes, the more serious and quieter the players.

“I’d run over my own mother to win a pétanque tournament.”
Yes, that’s how serious a tournament can be!

Look up, laugh loud, talk big, keep the color in your cheek and the fire in your eye, adorn your person, maintain your health, your beauty, and your animal spirits. William Hazlitt

 This is the true spirit of pétanque!

Alain