Au Cochonnet Marin

Lately, a little voice in my head has been inciting me to start a cult.

I don’t know where it comes from, but it sounds like an interesting idea. Convince people that you know something that they don’t, and mold them into obedient, zombie-like disciples.
Who would not want to do this?

Thinking of it, I would not mind being venerated and have people blindly follow my directives… Some folks even worship POTUS, so it must fairly easy to accomplish.

It is not important by the way, to know anything about what you will preach. You just need to improvise and come up with a few catchy slogans. “Let all that you do be done in Love” is a good one. “Love is My Religion” is another winner.

One of the important problems facing my undertaking is that I don’t know where to start… but this never stopped any determined entrepreneur. So as usual, I checked the internet for advice.

I came across a bunch of cult leaders, and to my surprise, they were not all men. There were plenty of women among them. Live and learn.

According to the web, you have to start small and reel in one follower at a time. Once the subject has been properly conditioned, you send him/her out to proselytize in your favor. “Z is an amazing person. He is a spiritual leader who changed my life completely… you have to meet him.”

There is nothing like word of mouth recommendation. It is much better than advertising. You might not necessarily believe an ad but you will pay more attention to a friend who is vouching for a certain product.
So, let your disciples spread the good word and soon you will have an interested audience.

Nabbing a celebrity would be a plus but you can do without it. You have to subtly mold your followers into complete submission. Once it is done you can ask them anything: money, sexual favors, murder, suicide attacks.
Who would not be tempted by such an experiment? Power is intoxicating… and rewarding.

So don’t be surprised if one of these day somebody contacts you and ask you to join my group. For a few dollars I promise to show you the True Path and enlighten you.

Just one thing though. You will have to address me as Maharishi Alain and defer to me for all matters of importance.

That’s all. I cannot wait to meet you and take advantage of you enlighten you.

Alain

PS: “If a spiritual teacher says something that doesn’t make sense to you, you should always listen to yourself and not the teacher. A little common sense would end all cults.” Frederick Lenz

 

“Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.” Noel Fielding

Absolument ! I want to live in a fantasy world too. A world mirroring TV commercials. I want to inhabit a planet where everybody is rich well-off, good looking, continually smiling, have a great sense of humor, a happy love life and where the word “no” does not exist.
Is this unrealistic? I don’t think so.

I have been looking for that dangling carrot (the American dream) for years but without too much success. It must exist though, because I see some tantalizing excerpts of this lifestyle every day on television… and telly does not lie… or does it?

These fantasy people must be living in a gated community, accessible only to Free-Masons, Republicans, Born Again Christians, Preachers or Polygamists…
Flaming Nora, I am none of those… I must try to burrow my way in one of those blessed groups…

Real life is dull, boring… and that’s why Average Joe watches so much television. To escape reality and relocate to a fantasy landscape where everything is honky-dory and beer is plentiful.

In that world you can borrow money without any collateral, you fly First-Class, you are never stopped by the Highway Patrol, you meet a bombshell who whispers “I want you”, you always get a swag bag at a party, you find a parking spot anywhere…

I am not the only person dreaming of a fantasy world. Utopists do too. They are waiting for the Rapture that will take them away and bring them to the Promised Land.

But the Promised Land is full. It does not accept any application anymore. This is the latest rumor and it comes from the highest authority.

So, what is one to do? Maybe stop watching the tube and get a job? What a dreadful alternative. A socialist government might help… it probably would have one of these countless programs that assists people unwilling to face reality.

So maybe we should elect a socialist shepherd who would show us the way to that secretive Fantasy World…

In the coming months I am going to watch all the presidential candidates very carefully. If one of those people guaranties in writing to take us to this dreamy world, I will definitely endorse his candidature.

Alain

I used to live about a 20-minute walk from Notre-Dame de Paris….
A red-headed girl was then the object of my affection and since the Left Bank was my favorite haunt, we often met Place St Michel in front of the fountain.

To get there, I would often walk past the cathedral, and like all Parisians paying scant attention to the old structure. It was just a familiar place that I liked without realizing it.
Especially as a kid, I always delighted stepping on the magical “Kilometre Zero”, the marker located on the parvis facing the cathedral. This is the starting point for all the distances measured in France.

Iconic Notre-Dame (Our Lady) is a catholic church, but it is much more than that. It is a national treasure, and regardless of one’s faith, it is a place to visit and to reflect on. Unlike the Eiffel Tower, it is located on the “Ile de la Cité » which is truly the center, the beating heart of Paris.

Momentous events took place in this ancient structure. In 1572, Henri de Navarre (a Huguenot) marries Marguerite de Valois, the catholic daughter of Henry II, King of France. But Henri being a protestant is forbidden to enter the church. He will have to convert to Catholicism to do this. This conversion of convenience will allow him to become king of France; but it won’t prevent him from being stabbed to death a few years later by a Catholic fanatic.

In 1804, in a 5-hour ceremony officiated by pope Pie VII, Napoleon used this majestic 800 years old venue to crown himself “Empereur des Français ». There were no cell phones there, but the world took notice.

On November 11, 1918, World War One finally came to an end. The killing stopped and an armistice was proclaimed. On November 17, a solemn Te Deum is organized at Notre Dame to celebrate the end of the war.

Almost 25 years later, on August 26, 1944, Paris is liberated and General de Gaulle goes to the cathedral to attend a mass celebrating that glorious event.

The catastrophic fire that erupted a few day ago, could be a blessing in disguise though. The common grief felt by all the Frenchmen, could be the panacea to end the violent street demonstrations that have plagued France since last November.

The Paris of Esmeralda and Quasimodo does not belong exclusively to the French. It belongs to the world. And when Paris suffers, the world feels the pain and wants to help.

There is no doubt in anybody’s mind that Notre-Dame de Paris will be restored. It will cost an enormous amount of money, but like a phoenix, the burned spire will rise from its ashes and tower again over the Seine and the City of Lights.

Alain