Au Cochonnet Marin

Everybody longs for friends, but when you collect too many of them, their individual value decreases dramatically. It is like having too many toys…

Lately, I have been besieged on Facebook by people from the four corners of the world who want to be my friends. Particularly single women… The latest one being a very attractive single lady from South Korea.

It is flattering but also perplexing. Why do all these strangers want to buddy up with little ole me? I am not rich, handsome, famous or even single… And you cannot smell my particularly potent pheromones on the internet… So, what gives?

True, I am a world-famous “influencer”… (actually not that famous) but is this enough to make me so appealing? Or do I smell a rat under this avalanche of requests?

I have always valued quality over quantity, and having too much of anything has always made me uneasy. A little  is good, a little more is pleasant, but too much is embarrassing. I far prefer to have 2 or 3 besties rather than 20 or 30 casual hangers-on.

“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.” Irish proverb

And then, some people seek my benevolent friendship without giving me a single detail about their own lives. It is not kosher. It does not work that way. My life philosophy has always been “show me yours and I will show you mine.” Before I give you my virtually blessing, I want to know if you are clean, if you don’t have ulterior motives or if you have not been infected by some dangerous political disorder.

It is difficult (but not impossible) to be friend with somebody who does not share your political convictions. Soon or later we are going to clash. And I don’t care for extremists, conspiracy nuts or cult followers of any shape or color.

So, how do I decide who is going to be a “friend”? I first want to see a picture and a little background of the candidate. Then, what kind of affinity does this person have with me? If he/she speak French, I understand… it is a plus. If this person plays pétanque, that’s another plus. If he/she does not care for an incompetent, self-centered, petty so-called leader, this is another big bonus point.

On the other hand, if somebody admires my writing skills or any other craft that I may possess (?), this might also sway me. Because yes, like Achilles, I have a chink in my armor… Under my imperial demeanor, I am vain. Stroke me and I will lick your hand and wag my tail.

To sum it up, if you want the pleasure of my company, show me reasonable reasons why I should accept your proposition and welcome you in my select inner circle.

Alain

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer

Last night I was walking by a school’s soccer field and I stopped to watch a game. After a while, somebody asked me if I wanted to play and I eagerly agreed. In my school days, even though I was of small stature, I was nimble and often able to infiltrate our opponents’ defenses.

So, I walked on the field and after a few minutes, I went on the offensive. I was fantastically efficient. I managed to pierce the enemy’s defenses, and for a few brief seconds, I came within a few yards from the opponents’ goalkeeper. From my position, I could clearly see where I should drive the ball… to the left corner… I gave a mighty kick… and fell out of bed!
After my wife picked me up, it took me a few seconds to realize what had happened.

Last night was a strange one indeed. It was hot, humid, oppressive… but after midnight I managed to go to sleep. But my slumber was not a peaceful one. All kinds of strange things happened, but it took it all in stride. No matter what, you cannot steer a dream. It will take you where it wishes. What goes on in your brain while you are sleeping is still a mystery that scientists are still trying to elucidate.

Suddenly the sky lit up and the gods (who must be darned tired of us) let us know of their displeasure. They repeatedly threw their lightning bolts at us while loudly sounding their drums. You humans, better behave… or else!
My cat who likes to wander during the night was nowhere to be seen.

This strange turn of events reminded me of a French song called “Les loups sont entrés dans Paris.” (“The wolves have entered Paris.”)

“What if it was a night
As we have not known since,
For a hundred thousand nights.
A night of iron, a night of blood,
One night, a dog howls.”

 For now, it seems that packs of wolves are roaming the countryside, ready to invade and pillage our cities. They come out at night, like the marauding brigands of yesteryear.

 “Attracted by the smell of blood
There came a thousand and a hundred
Carousing, jubilation and bombance
In this damn country of France
Until the men found
Love and brotherhood …”

 Love and brotherhood are sorely missing right now. Increasing street confrontations remind me of pre-World War II Germany. They wanted a strong man to reestablish law and order, and they got him.

It just cost the modest sum of 85 million casualties.

Alain

“Most lives are spent putting on and taking off masks.” ~ Gore Vidal

Lately, wearing a mask has been both applauded and reviled. For a long time, this garment was a symbol of deceit and dishonesty. But forget the evil once associated with it; it is now seen as a sign of civility and thoughtfulness. Today everybody is encouraged to wear one.

This life-saving measure has supporters and opponents… as well as some shortcomings. In this strange country of ours, despite the evident danger presented by a deadly virus, there is no unanimity. Many opponents strangely advance their “rights” to disagree… with science and common wisdom. It is like refusing to believe that our planet is a rotating sphere, or that the Holocaust ever happened.
But their stubborn “alternative facts” also clash with the “rights” of millions of others.

On the downside though, a face reflects a person’s inner emotions… It lets people know how you feel. With a face half-hidden, it becomes impossible to read these feelings… and it is disconcerting, especially upon meeting a stranger.

But the clear benefits of wearing a mask far outweigh this inconvenience. The “individualists” bent on going mask-free not only endanger their own lives (and we don’t give a hoot about that) but the lives of many people in their surroundings.

If everybody abided by some basic rules, this pandemic could be reasonably controlled. But one single bad apple can quickly spoil the rest of the barrel.

Masks have always been controversial. The main question is“why would a person trying to hide his/her identity?” I found a good answer to this concern:

“There are surgeons who probably wear a mask so as not to be recognized by their victims.”

 In that case, many politicians (like public executioners from the past) ought to wear a mask to conceal their dark deeds.

It has just been announced that Russia is the first country to register a coronavirus vaccine. That is good news, but like every bit of information coming from China or Russia, it should be viewed with reservations.
The results of Phase 3 trials have not been completely tabulated and there is no proof that this vaccine is safe and effective.

In the meantime, wearing a mask is a cheap and convincing way to combat this plague. Please cover up your face!

Alain