Category: Fourre-tout

I have always wondered why some people wear garments emblazoned with logos or brand names…

Don’t they realize that they are acting as unremunerated sandwich boards? And for companies that probably overcharged them for this very garment in the first place…
The same irony by the way often occurs in politics. Some people will support a candidate who will ultimately exact a steep price for championing his cause.

In order to advertise their products, large outfits will shell out big bucks to have their brands splashed on billboards. So, if I ever became a walking advertising board I would naturally demand to be compensated for wearing anything on my back.
Apple, do you want me to promote your products? All right then, give me a free iPad. Fair is fair.

By the way, have you ever noticed that tennis stars sport itty-bitty logos?Everybody should know that the income generated by logo wearers is inversely proportional to the size of the logo. The smaller the logo, the bigger the income.
Remember the tiny Nike logo worn by Roger Federer? This insignificant looking little symbol is worth millions my friends! Smaller is always better.

Ironically, it is always the people who can least afford it that shell big bucks on such products. Do they think that the glory of a quarterback will reflect on them if they wear one of his jerseys? Will they attract more girls or get better seats in a restaurant? I don’t like to be the bearer of bad news, but I can definitely state that it is not so.

If I were looking for relationship material, I would surely avoid loud logos and set my sights instead on subtle trademarks. Good taste is always discreet and doesn’t have to shout to be noticed.

Personally, I don’t wear any kind of emblazoned garment. If I did, some people might confuse me with some celebrity and bother me to no end for autographs. I don’t do autographs! Period! I cherish my anonymity too much to fall prey to such cheap gimmicks.

In conclusion, if I ever choose to display anything on any of my garments, it will only be to promote myself.

Something like: Vote for me, Dummkopf!

Alain

As everybody knows (or ought to know) midterms elections are around the corner. The stakes are high and calumnies of all kinds are blanketing the news media.

“There is nothing that wings its flight so swiftly as calumny, nothing is uttered with more ease; nothing is listened to with more readiness, nothing disbursed more widely.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

 Elected officials are supposed to work harmoniously with each other, but this is definitely not the case. Daggers are drawn everywhere. Exaggerations and lies of all sorts are flourishing all over like poppies in the spring. They are often colorful, but they mostly reek of biased partisanship.

In politics, no lie is too enormous. Extremists on both sides of the political fence are ready to believe anything that will buttress their long-held prejudices, and calumnies are the best vehicles for that task.

A calumny is like a skunk: once sprayed by it, it is difficult to remove the stench. No matter how hard your denials, some stink will remain.

“Hurl your calumnies boldly; something is sure to stick.” Francis Bacon

In a political campaign, you need scapegoats and there are always plenty of those. The bad “hombres” are always the Blacks, the Asians, the Jews, the Muslims, the Catholic Church, the Hispanics, the gays, the women, the lesbians, the polygamists, the meter maids, the vegans, the pétanque players… all these groups are minorities, therefore they are to be blamed for what’s wrong in this country of ours.

In the few remaining days before the elections, rumors are flying..

If the Democrats retake the House, you better run to Canada… or buy more weapons. They will open our borders and let everybody in… Our way of life is going to change for the worse…

Poppycock!

When you go to the polls, try to set your prejudices aside and vote for the person who seems to care more about people than his ideology.

Avoid extremists… because soon or later, regardless of your views, these storm troopers will bring you in for questioning.

Vote as if your life depended on it… because it does.

Alain

“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.” Malcolm Forbes

 This is smart Malcom; much smarter than investing in lottery tickets with ridiculous odds.

In case that you did not notice, the country was recently in the throes of a Mega Millions ($1.6 billion prize) epidemic. And it was highly contagious… many people caught the bug and had to be treated in the emergency ward.
Unfortunately chances of hitting the Powerball jackpot were roughly 1 in 300 millions. Not very comforting.

But this little detail did not deter true believers. They squandered some hard earned cash to partake in this new Gold Rush. Somebody has got to win, right? It may as well be me… And somebody won. But this was a poisoned gift, a Pandora box.

When you come into (big) money, it becomes difficult to recognize your true friends. Numerous people and organizations trying to get a piece of the pie will besiege you. You will be surrounded by a crowd of smiling sycophants who won’t hesitate to drop you at the first sign of difficulty.

The number of your “friends” will be proportional to your holdings. The richer you are, the more playmates you will have, but quantity seldom equals quality. Personally, I would rather have three true friends than a posse of hundreds.

If you want to be at the receiving end of some relatively easy money, now is the time to locate a rich relative and start pampering him/her. Or maybe consider becoming a toy boy or a trophy wife. There is no shame in it… everybody does it. By doing so, your odds of collecting some moola will be far superior than winning the Mega jackpot.

 For my part I don’t want billions. I would be very happy with two or three little millions. I don’t want to come in contact with too much money because this product is highly toxic. It is radioactive and prolonged exposure to it will (among many other things) give your hair a weird orange glow.

Just like weed killer, prolonged proximity to big bucks will affect your health and sanity. Known side effects of money exposure are delusion and paranoia.

But cheer up. Everything associated with big bucks is not totally negative.

“Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” Helen Gurley Brown

“Champagne wishes and caviar dreams” to everybody and if you need some help spending your loot, I will be more than happy to help.

Alain