The country is closed. Come back later.

Just like the coffee shop around the corner, the country is closed. Signs everywhere are confirming it. Apart from a few runners and dog walkers, the streets are devoid of traffic and eerily empty.

Unexpectedly faced with an invisible enemy, frightened villagers have been told to pause any activity and stay home. After hoarding food (and condoms I heard) they retreated to their strongholds and raised their drawbridges. Atop of their ramparts, they are anxiously scrutinizing the horizon waiting for help or signs of the invading army.

But unlike previous invaders, this new enemy is stealthy and unusually deadly. It will kill indiscriminately any person standing in its way. Venturing out without protective gear has become extremely dangerous, and unfortunately, chainmail suits are scarce.

Just like Good Old Uncle Joe in 1940, our commander in chief has been caught flatfooted and struggling for answers. And like Joseph Stalin then, he is desperately seeking help from anybody willing to help.

The only effective way to fight this new foe is to find its Achilles heel and aim for it. This is the Holy Grail and white-coated scientists around the world are feverishly working on this project.

In the meantime, families are sequestering themselves and this could quickly become problematic. Humans and animals alike don’t like to be confined, and the longer this crisis lasts, the more volatile this situation will become.

Husbands, wives, and kids are nice, but like sweets, they are to be enjoyed in small doses. Overexposure to them might result in regrettable incidents. The boob tube will be helpful but won’t be completely effective against this dire situation.

Parents will have to be extremely creative to weather this storm and come out of it alive… or in speaking terms. I suspect that shrinks and lawyers will be extremely busy after all of this is over.

Ménages a trois, on the other hand, might fare much better. It is widely known that two is company, but three is a party.

To sum it up

Ultimately this saga is going to be astronomically costly and our next president will have a lot on his plate. Hopefully, we will inherit a responsible adult who will put country first instead of his personal interest.

The country is closed. Come back later.


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