Laughing is the best medicine

“The chief excitement in a woman’s life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.” Helen Rowland

“I have never abused alcohol; it was always a consensual relationship.”

“Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”

“Archimedes was the first to prove that when a body is immersed in a bathtub, the telephone rings.”

“Life is a deadly sexually transmitted disease.” Woody Allen

“I am not afraid of terrorism: I was married for two years!” – Sam Kinison

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” Mark Twain

 “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” Henry A. Kissinger

 “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” Isaac Asimov

 “Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.” Sam Levenson

 “Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”

“A small sketch says more than a big speech, but much less than a big check.”

“If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” Jay Leno

“When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President, I’m beginning to believe it.” Clarence Darrow

“A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.” Lisa Kleypas

 Coffee is like women; at first it excites, after that it makes you nervous.”

 

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