Tooth and nail

You probably seldom think about it, but when a tooth acts up you will be quickly reminded that every single part of your anatomy matters. And when that glitch happens, you will pray for a quick fix.

It says “painless”

A few days ago, while munching on a bagel, I cracked a tooth. I very distinctly felt it. A fairly common occurrence I have been told… but it hurts. Not a big hurt, but a constant throbbing reminder that it needs to be fixed.

After consultation, my dentist decreed that the tooth had to go… and should be replaced by an implant,  fitted with a crown.
I don’t look forward to that procedure. My mouth is an extremely personal area and very few people are privy to it.

My periodontist in turn assured me that the tooth extraction would be painless. I cannot help but being dubious. Isn’t it what the executioner told Robespierre on the scaffold? “Don’t worry citoyen Robespierre, you won’t feel a thing.”
Oh yeah?

Actually that’s what I want. A painless procedure. Whenever somebody has to violate the sanctity of my body, I don’t want to know about every gory detail of the modus operandi. I am fully aware that you can now request local anesthesia and watch the surgeon tinker with your organs on a  monitor. But I am not a masochist.

My last surgery lasted over 5 hours. I have no idea what the dozen surgeons and nurses in charge did and I definitely don’t want to know.
My admonition to my doctors is always: “Do your job my good man. Knock me out and wake me up when you are done.” If the whole thing does not work as planned, I will be in no position to enquire about what went wrong.

Finally, when it comes to surgery, the most frightening thing is not the deed itself. It is the Godzilla tab looming over the horizon, ready to pounce on you. What can I do with my puny insurance shield?

I will dispose of my damaged tooth next week. The surgeon looks like a capable young man… I trust him implicitly.

Hasta la vista compañeros!

Alain ?

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.Johnny Carson

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