God

“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.” Woody Allen

Like Woody Allen, I am a doubting Thomas who refuses to believe anything without proof. This conviction definitely puts me at odds with the existence of God.

But no matter what you believe, it seems that you cannot avoid the influence of the Big Guy. His presence is felt everywhere under one form or another and he is venerated the world over.

Lord Ganesha

For many denominations though, God looks different, but they all claim that their God is the true one while all the others are imposters. And if you don’t believe what they are saying, they will kill you. God demands it.

The God business is a messy affair. All Abrahamic religions agree on monotheism but on practically nothing else. They all have their own version of their spiritual saga and they all claim that their beliefs are the only true beliefs. They are even ready to spill blood to prove it.

But despite their cruel deeds, they all maintain that their creed is a religion of peace. Good old Torquemada tortured and killed thousands of Muslims and Jews in the name of the Lord, and the Muslims in turn cheerfully slaughtered “Infidels” by the thousands.
Jews did not seem to have persecuted other faiths, maybe because just like Native Americans, it would have been difficult for a minority to victimize a majority.

If God exists though, despite his superpowers, he must be overwhelmed. We are close to eight billion (7,620,263 089) people on our planet and the Big Guy is supposed to keep an eye on all us, individually.
A tiny glitch in his worldwide network could have disastrous consequences.

On top of this, millions implore him every day for one reason or the other… No wonder he gets cranky and does not respond to all these calls. They must sound like robocalls to him. After 3 or 4 of these pesky jingles, you don’t bother to respond anymore.

If you need help with something, be on the safe side and start doing the job by yourself before asking God’s help because “God helps those who help themselves.” If God is in a good mood, he might give you a hand; if not, the job will get done anyway.

In short

Personally, I never ask God for any favor. It is useless.
First of all, I am pretty sure that he is a figment of somebody’s feverish imagination, and secondly, even if he did exist, he should know by now that I am a hopeless heathen and that he would not bother to acknowledge me, even by e-mail.

Alain

“It is better to be an outspoken atheist than a hypocrite.” George Harrison

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