Au Cochonnet Marin

“Whenever a taboo is broken, something good happens, something vitalizing. Taboos after all are only hangovers, the product of diseased minds, you might say, of fearsome people who hadn’t the courage to live and who under the guise of morality and religion have imposed these things upon us.” ~ Henry Miller

The older I get, the more I deplore the fact that I was born a century too early. When I was growing up, taboos were a fact of life and few people bothered to question their validity. “Decent people” couldn’t and would not talk about certain subjects. They were things that must be accepted without questioning they said. That was also the standard answer of the religious establishment to any inquiry.

Taboos were sustained by ignorance, and the powers that be tried to keep the masses uneducated as long as possible… especially the women. But through education came salvation and today taboos are being debunked one by one… for everybody’s benefit.

This mighty movement has been spearheaded by women. Today they are educated, vocal and fearless. They are a far cry from yesterday’s generation. They are not the timid, innocent little things that had to be shielded and protected at any cost. Men have half-heartedly followed the movement, but the heavy lifting is still done by women… bless their little determined souls.

Today no subject is taboo. If you go to YouTube, you can see and hear women talking at length about the greatest taboo of them all: SEX. And they spare no detail.
If you are a newbie in the game of love, they will set you straight. Forget the sexual education that you received in high school. The practical details about all common sexual practices are there for all to hear and see. Today a teenager knows more about sex than his parents.

There are still a few enduring taboos like personal finances, political and religious opinions, but most of the others are dead or dying. The old stigma about living together and having a baby outside of marriage has long been buried. Today everybody (especially celebrities) does it and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Being gay or being anything other than heterosexual is now old shoe. Closets are emptying faster than toilet bowls and most of us are yawning at this occurrence.

Guys used to make the first move… they don’t have to, anymore. Girls now don’t hesitate to put the make on anybody they set their eyes on. And why not?

Tattoos were for a long time the exclusive domain of men and it did not help a girl’s reputation to get inked. Forget about that ancient notion. Women are now covered with tattoos from head to toes (including the parts not usually seen). It is OK by me, but a girl tattooed like a French Foreign legionnaire is not my cup of tea.

And so it goes… tattoos are now biting the dust faster than old campaign slogans and they won’t be missed. Unfortunately, some taboos are like vampires…when one dies a  new one takes his place… like the new anti-vaccination charade.

Keep a wooden stake handy and if you come across a new taboo, don’t hesitate… plant the stake through its heart.

Taboos are bad for you. Get rid of all of them and let the sunshine in!

Alain

“To become really good at anything, you have to practice and repeat, practice and repeat, until the technique becomes intuitive.” Paulo Coelho

For most people pétanque is a pastime, for a few others, it is a consuming passion. A holy grail pursuit inspired and brought on the wings of angels. Like priesthood, it requires a faith and discipline that few people possess.

Yesterday I had the pleasure to play with against Mark Shirkey and I could not help but notice his growing dexterity. He has become a solid “shooter” (and pointer) and least but not last, he is blessed with an excellent form. He has a fluid style, smooth and graceful, and it is always a pleasure to photograph him. His team also gave us a good drubbing.

In any discipline, people like to compete against better players. For as the French dramatist Pierre Corneille wrote, “There is no glory in winning an easy battle.” And that’s why people like to tussle with Mark. He is a tough dude and winning (sometimes) against him is such an accomplishment.

Mark (and Sandra) eat and sleep (and probably dream) pétanque. They practice almost daily, and this perseverance has paid off big dividends. They have started to make a name for themselves in the Bay Area, and who knows… someday in the world.

They have the equipment, they know all the rules and the pétanque jargon, but to my mind they are still missing something. To be real bona fide players, they must learn to curse… In French naturally! They don’t need a huge vocabulary, just a few energetic, colorful words like “merde”, “bordel” and “putain” (preferably pronounced “putaing”).

Pétanque aficionados are usually passionate people, prone to curse or yell over a missed shot, and when they fall short of the mark thry need to let off some steam.

But I don’t think that it is Mark’s style. He is a cool dude and (unlike little unholy me) I never heard him curse, or even voice disappointment over a missed shot. He is as stoic as Seneca the Younger.

 When I think of steadfast practice, the name of Ann Krilanovich also comes to mind. She took up the sport fairly recently, and in a few short months, she has become the incarnation of Miss Pétanque. She plays almost daily, has probably visited all the Bay Area clubs and knows anybody worth knowing.

Just like for Mark, daily practice has helped her a great deal. She is now a reliable pointer and a budding shooter, but above all she is very friendly and has a great sense of humor. Does she have any other relatives that we could entice to play with us?

All the above to say that there is no shortcut to glory. To win, you must practice, practice and practice again. Maybe, just maybe, it could metamorphose you into a great competitor like Mark.

Alain

Relationships are what life is all about. To make it worthwhile, you want a satisfying emotional and sexual association with somebody. If you don’t have it, you won’t feel complete until you do.

But relationships are eminently tricky. You want to be part of a couple, but you don’t want to be smothered by your partner. Both individuals want to be together, but not 24 hours a day. When both partners work, they leave the nest in the morning, mingle with different people during the daytime, and are happy to meet again in the evening. In other words, you need to take regular breaks from the relationship to make it sustainable.

An individual in a couple is like an apnea diver. After the exhilaration of a deep dive, he must periodically come back for air to continue his activity. Problems will occur if you work together or when you retire. Being on top of each other every minute of the day is mentally exhausting and corrosive. You might like strawberry pie, but not every day of the week.

To test a budding relationship (and I talk from experience), I would recommend a three weeks’ vacation far away from your regular, comfortable environment. If after this time together you are still talking to each other, your relationship has a chance to survive. If not, you are not made for each other and you better call it quit, no matter how painful it can be.

This long preamble brings me to the now infamous Petito/Laundrie affair. Four months together in a small van was a recipe for disaster. A thousand things could go wrong, (it did) and the couple didn’t have any “boudoir” to decompress. A boudoir by the way is a small room usually adjacent to the bedroom. This word has its roots in “bouder” which in French means to sulk. After a quarrel, the woman would escape to her “boudoir” to regain her composure. Since a small van does have this luxury, you will have to sulk next to your partner and this will make the situation even more uncomfortable.

If you survive a long vacation together, plan to marry, and build a dream house, don’t forget to include a “boudoir” in your project. It is as valuable as a bathroom and can save your marriage. It is as necessary as an internet connection.

Togetherness is one thing, suffocation is another. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and there is quite a bit of truth in that. Give your partner regular breaks and let him/her blow off some steam away from you. Reunions will be sweeter and will consolidate your relationship.

“Parting is such a sweet sorrow…” because it will make you long for your next time together.

Alain