Au Cochonnet Marin

A few years ago, a rather ancient pétanque player declared “je ne joue pas avec les vieux » (I don’t play with old people). Considering the advanced age of that particular fellow, bystanders laughed, but there was probably some heartfelt truth in that statement.

Many old people have a reputation for being boring, and this often deters some younger players from associating with them. But being boring is not exclusive to advancing age. Anybody, regardless of age or sex, can be dull and lifeless, and since nobody wants to be bored, this unflattering reputation often acts as a repellent.

“A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.” Groucho Marx

Why, by the way, is somebody labeled boring? This probably happens when a person has nothing to say. He/she doesn’t utter a word perhaps because they don’t go anywhere or do anything worth talking about. But being long in the tooth should not prevent you from being active and jolly.

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” Zig Ziglar

 It is indeed your behavior that determines your likeability index. Becoming old and creaky (and we are all equal in this respect) does not mean that one should stop living and laughing. Geezerhood is not particularly kind to the body, but it should not affect the spirit. Many people are old, but still feel young at heart.

George Burns bless his soul, kept people in stitches until he passed away, at the ripe age of 100. Not bad for an old geezer!

“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day…”

 That’s right. Do not fade away without battling Father Time tooth and nail. Keep and nurture your ability to laugh at anything and anybody.

Futurologists, flexologists, and sexologists have been working with old folks to nurture their “joie de vivre”, but the secret of happiness lies in socializing (with young and old) and not being afraid to show emotion. Olé!

One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends — they can’t remember them either!

Keep moving, geezers and youngsters so the bugaboo won’t catch you.

Alain

A few days ago, Vladimir Putin declared a partial mobilization of reservists, and this new development didn’t seem to fare very well with those concerned. Braving the police, thousands of citizens rioted in many parts of the country, especially in Moscow and St Petersburg… and this does not augur well for the ruler of the Russian Federation.

It could also mark the beginning of the end for Russia’s strongman. Ukraine’s “special military operation” is turning into a disastrous quagmire and is reflecting poorly on the Russian leadership. There is no enthusiasm for this war among the young people, especially when news of important casualties and material losses is starting to seep through the administration’s censorship.

There is a new rush to leave Russia before the administration clamps down on this exodus, and this dash seems eerily reminiscent of panicky Afghans trying to flee Kabul before the Taliban’s takeover.

Russia is rotting from the inside and it looks like it won’t be long before it implodes. What happens next is everybody’s guess, but just like Nelson Mandela, Alexei Navalny could be plucked out from the gulag and become head of state. It is a far-fetched conjecture, but in today’s fast-changing world everything is possible.

Unlike a few decades ago, the Russians are not very different from us. When you watch  videos from Moscow or St Petersburg, you could easily believe that they were filmed in any western city. The people dress like us and act like us. Many speak surprisingly good English and wear American T-Shirts.  You sense a desire for rapprochement and cooperation with the West.

And that’s the way it should be. Despite a few differences, Russia is a western nation, and many of its citizens are eager to rejoin this fraternity. What is missing from this equation is Glasnost and Perestroika first initiated by Mikhail Gorbachev in 1985.

If once bellicose Germany finally managed to be at peace with the world, so can Russia. It just needs to get rid of a few barrels of bad apples and abandon forever any idea of expansion or conquest. Russia is already big enough to think otherwise.

So, to quote Winston Churchill, is it the beginning of the end, or perhaps the end of the beginning? Time will tell, but the signs of decay (and perhaps regeneration) are there. They might lead to better times… unless a desperate autocrat is foolish enough to start a mutually destructive nuclear conflict.

Let’s be hopeful that some people in Putin’s bunker oppose this mad alternative and neutralize him before he commits the irreparable. Our poor planet is already hobbled as it is.

Alain

“When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.” ― Dawn of the Dead

Well, Hell seems to be packed to the brim because I see zombies walking our streets daily. If you are not observant, you might not have noticed… but I am, and I know that zombies have infiltrated our society. They try to blend with us, but they don’t fool me. Next time you leave your house, pay attention… it might save your life.

For the time being, they look harmless, but you should not trust them. They are like a fifth column, and someday they will rise and feed on your flesh.

But what is a zombie, might you ask? Well, before putting anything on paper, I check my facts with the Internet, and this is what it says about them:

“A zombie is a person or reanimated corpse that has been turned into a creature capable of movement but not of rational thought, and which feeds on human flesh.” 

All right, now you know. The next question is how do you recognize a zombie? First, you should know that zombies never look directly at you. They usually walk with their eyes cast down, averting your stare. They pretend that you don’t exist, because someday they will drink your blood, and you usually don’t befriend a person you intend to drain of its vital juices.

The second thing that you should be aware of, is that zombies continually talk (or mumble) to themselves. They never stop. They almost sound like have-been politicians.

The third thing (a dead giveaway) is that they usually use a special little box to communicate with the devil. It is not always apparent, but trust me, I have carefully observed them and have taken notes… even photographs. I know what I am talking about.

The frightening thing about this though, is that some of your friends or even family members already are, or slowly becoming zombies. It becomes difficult to communicate with them and they now barely acknowledge your existence.

Especially susceptible to this curse, are teenagers. But don’t despair. They can be cured… or detoxed. If you want to save them, here is what you need to do.

First, you should get a good mirror that you are going to use to avert their gaze. The second utensil that you need,  is a solid wooden stake, preferably made of seasoned oak.

Then, one night, when the apprentice zombie is asleep, you seize his/her little devil box and vigorously hammer the rigid oak stick in its heart.

To the best of my knowledge, this is the best-proven way to “de-zombize” a friend or a person dear to you.

Don’t thank me. This is a public service announcement.

Alain

“This is the way the world ends; not with a bang or a whimper, but with zombies breaking down the back door.” ― Amanda Hocking