Au Cochonnet Marin

Hello Pétanque friends and welcome to my world.

My topic today is “cauchemar” (nightmare), a terrifying, traumatic dream that will leave you shaken and scarred for a long time.

Imagine for a minute that you are playing in a pétanque tournament; you are part of a Triplette team, and you are the designated shooter. You are good and your teammates (and fans) rely on you for bringing home the bacon.

You have reached the finals and you are a point away from victory. You just need to remove a pesky boule, standing about 9 meters away from you. An easy shot for an experienced player.

The dozens of spectators present are ready to celebrate. You walk slowly to the starting circle, wipe your boule carefully, take aim and let it go. The boule flies in slow motion toward the target… and misses. Merde, merde et trois fois merde!

You feel like you want to disappear and spend the rest of the month in a dark closet. You cannot look at your teammates in the eyes, and they don’t want to look at you.

Well, my friends, if you think that is a bad, traumatic cauchemar, you probably didn’t watch the soccer quarter-finals in Qatar, opposing the French national team to the English national team.

We are in the second half and the “Bleus” are leading 2-1. The English try desperately to score again, but the French defense is tough. They play rough and suddenly the English is awarded a penalty kick after one of their players was thrown to the ground by a French player.

“A penalty kick (commonly known as a penalty or a spot kick) is a method of restarting play in association football, in which a player is allowed to take a single shot at the goal while it is defended only by the opposing team’s goalkeeper. It is awarded when an offense punishable by a direct free kick is committed by a player in their own penalty area. The shot is taken from the penalty mark, which is 11 m (12 yards) from the goal line and centered between the touch lines.”

 A penalty kick is the worse thing that can happen to a team. It is almost a death warrant. It is extremely difficult to stop and most of the time, it is successful.

Harry Kane is a top goal scorer. This shot is only routine for him and here is a chance for the English team to equalize, and maybe win the game. The crowd estimated to be close to 90 000 in the stadium (and 10 billion around the world) holds its breath. Harry (as he should) takes his time, rearranges his socks, and delivers a mighty kick… that flies above the goalkeeper’s cage. The crowd (especially) the raucous English supporters are stunned. Harry Kane falls to his knees and sobs.

This is the ultimate cauchemar and I am pretty sure that it will haunt Harry for a long time. He is a great player, but he will probably be remembered in England as the guy who lost the Soccer World Cup in Qatar in 2022.

I am glad that the French won, but I feel absolutely terrible for Harry. A horrible cauchemar!

Alain

Last night I watched a “romantic” Russian movie, and this flick cemented once and for all my opinion of Russian men as lovers. They have as much sex appeal as dozing turtles. They seldom smile and don’t seem to be particularly witty. They are great as villains, but a total flop as romantic leads.

I suspect that laughter was outlawed as seditious during the Stalin era and it was never allowed to come back. Definitely not in the Putin era. Vlad’s own smile looks as sincere as Hannibal Lecter’s.

It is almost painful to watch a guy trying to win over a woman without ever smiling or uttering anything funny. The first step to enticing a woman is to make her laugh.

“Qui fait rire l’esprit, se rend maître du cœur. » (Who makes the mind laugh makes himself master of the heart)

Marylin Monroe puts it a little differently:

‘If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”

Wit and humor are often the keys to someone’s heart. Trying to seduce without these implements, is like attacking a bunker with bows and arrows. According to David M. Buss, humor is an indicator of good genes, and a fitness indicator to display excellent cognitive function.

Laughter is indispensable to all facets of life. If you cannot laugh (especially at yourself), you are condemned to a life of sorrow and loneliness. Nobody likes a sourpuss or a party pooper, hence the bad rap of poor Cassandra. Even though she was not fibbing, nobody believed her.

If you take yourself too seriously, you will lose your ability to laugh, and therefore return to a lower animal state. That’s probably why you never saw Hitler smile. The Gods seeing his perpetual sullen demeanor just demoted him to the state of animalhood.

This is not to say that animals cannot laugh, they can, but in their own way. And when you are not looking, if you are a bad human being, they will even ape and mock you.

If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know the man, don’t bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, or seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you’ll get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he’s a good man… All I claim to know is that laughter is the most reliable gauge of human nature.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Laughter is an indispensable ingredient in your daily diet.  Without it, you will wither and die. People will even pay to listen to somebody who can make them laugh. This is how important it is.

If you feel depressed and sick, it is undoubtedly because you don’t laugh enough.

Alain

Today, any sane person would unquestionably say “no” to starting a war… but this is what Russia did in Ukraine almost a year ago.

It happened against the will of many Russian citizens, but their early protests were met with harsh retribution by the police and lengthy prison terms.

Since then, protests have been few, but it does not mean that every Russian citizen agrees with Vladimir Putin’s imperialist ambitions. Many don’t, especially the younger generation. Most speak English and want good relations with their neighbors, but now, due to NATO sanctions, it is almost impossible.

As previously mentioned, I follow a few independent Russian YouTubers to form an opinion (notably Daniil Orain) and I trust his candid, slightly mocking street interviews to take the pulse of his nation.

Based on his quick questions and answer sessions, I gather that most of the Soviet Era generation wholeheartedly support Putin. They never traveled outside Russia, don’t speak English and firmly believe the official nonsense about de-nazifying Ukraine… this is especially true in rural areas. Unbeknownst to many, could Volodymyr Zelenskyy be a secret Nazi? A little far-fetched…

The younger set is much more skeptical; many of them speak English but they are visibly afraid to answer pointed questions. Many declare that they are apolitical and not at all interested in what’s going on in Ukraine. This is exactly what Putin wants. Just behave, he tells them, and I will let you have a little piece of the pie… but don’t ever interfere with my politics… or else!

Some citizens though dare to express some heartfelt feelings about Putin and his belligerent policies. But this is more the exception than the norm. Fear is omnipresent and palpable. Most young women (not all) are against the war. Some mothers and wives, braving the police, are starting to question the authorities about what happened to their missing kinfolk. Troubles brewing…

Many Russian citizens are totally brainwashed into thinking that Putin knows best and will prevail in all his enterprises. He is a cunning fox; he knows what he is doing they say. Eerily reminiscent of “Il Duce ha sempre ragione” (Mussolini is always right).

What’s in the cards for Russia’s czar and his “special operation”? Difficult to predict, but many so-called strongmen were ultimately proven to have “feet of clay” (the Book of Daniel).

Alain

“Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country. He walks up to the customs agent who asks
-Name?
Vladimir Putin
-Country of Origin?
Russia
-Occupation?
“No, no. Just visiting.”