Au Cochonnet Marin

Yesterday I teamed up with my good friend Alain Marchand to compete in the LPM Select Doubles tournament.
So it was Alain and Alain against the world.

But before I go any further, let me give you a little background on the Alains.
According to Wikipedia, the Alains were nomadic horsemen probably native of the Caucasus (today’s Ossetia).

“Roman historian-soldier Ammien Marcellin describes their physical appearance as follows: they are tall, have moderately blonde hair, sport a martial look and are more civilized in the way they dress and feed than the Huns.

The Alains are bellicose and audacious: their ferociousness and the rapidity of their attacks have nothing to envy to the Huns. They ignore slavery and despise weak and older people. They despise the oldsters because for them it is an honor to die in battle, but a disgrace to die from old age.”

As you can see, this is a pretty accurate description of our team and the way we behaved on the field.

But back to the tournament.

In spite of initial fears, parking was not a major problem.
The weather was extremely nice, though a little muggy in late afternoon.
The field was impeccably groomed thanks to Christine Cragg, Claudie Chourré, Emily Etcheverry, Charlie Davantes and Dave Riffo.
Thank you all.

The tournament was run by Dave Riffo and Liv Kraft. Merci beaucoup to both of you.

Eighteen select teams  participated in this event and they were as follows:

1. Steve Jones & Christine Jones
2. Holly Sammons & Shannon Bowman
3. Dave Riffo & Bleys Rose
4. Charlie Davantes & Paul Kos
5. Jacques Sarafian & Rene Di Maio
6. Jocelyne Krauer & Eva Lofaro
7. Antoine Lofaro & Jean Krauer
8. Alain Marchand & Alain Efron
9. Wolfie & Hans Kurz
10. Carolina Jones & Jacques Lecouturier
11. Henry Wessel & Dan Velasco
12. Patrick Vaslet & Jean-Claude Bunand
13. Mark Greenberg & Teri Sirico
14. Carlos Couto & Etienne Rijkheer
15. Erin McTaggart & Barbara Hall
16. Bernard Passmar & Jesn-Michel Poulnot
17. Colette Van Der Meulen & Antonia
18. Alain Gusella & Mireille Di Maio

Three games were played before lunch, which might have been a little too many.
We had lunch around 1:00 p.m. due to the fact that some people took forever to complete their games.
In pétanque as in many things, less is more. Less talking and more playing that is.

By the way, I don’t claim to be impartial. I am an opinionated columnist first (with my own biases) and a journalist second. So I call them as I feel them and as I see them.

Since I opted to compete in this tournament, it was rather difficult for me to take pictures and play at the same time, hence the paucity of action pictures.
I will try harder next time, or maybe not play.
It was also difficult for me to keep track of the tournament as a whole since I was involved in so many games.

The only thing that I can report accurately is the performance of my own team, which was as follows:

In the morning we played 3 qualifying games:

1st game against Colette and Antonia
We won 13-11
To be noted, the excellent performance of Colette. She surprised me by shooting (with Antonia’s blessing) and hitting her target quite a few times. Bravo Colette!

2^nd game against Barbara and Erin
We lost 8-13
Both excellent players.

3^rd game against Carolina and Jacques Lecouturier
We won 13-1
By the way Carolina, you are a true petanque fan and I love the plates on your car.

We then qualified for the Concours.

In the afternoon, Concours and elimination games:

4^th game against Holly and Shannon
Both excellent players, but unlucky this time.
We won 13-2

5^th game against Patrick Vaslet and Jean-Claude Bunand
We won 13-3

6^th game against Alain Gusella and Mireille Di Maio
We lost 5-13
Accurate shooting from Alain G. and good performance from Mireille.
But I think that there were too many Alains in this game, and our team might have lost due to an Alain unbalance.
In a game, one Alain is good, two Alains is excellent, but three Alains (like too much oil) spoil the mayonnaise.

In our 7^th game (competing for 3^rd place in the Concours) we faced Barbara Hall and Erin McTaggart again.
Lost again 8-13 (same score as in our first game).
My partner (Alain Marchand) did an excellent shooting job and surprised many (me included) by long and accurate “au fer” shots.

Useless to say that after seven games I felt rather pooped (was it just me?) and aspired to go home and put my feet up. Which I did as quickly as I could.

The final results were as follows:

Consolante:

1^st place: Mark Greenberg and Teri Sirico, $15.00 ea
2^nd place: Etienne Rijkheer and Carlos Couto, $11.00 ea
3^rd place: David Riffo and Bleys Rose, $7.00 ea

Concours:

1^st place: Alain Gusella and Mireille Di Maio, $35.00 ea
2^nd place: Antoine Lofaro and Jean Krauer, $25.00 ea
3^rd place: Erin McTaggart and Barbara Hall, $15.00 ea

Congratulations to all!

Alain

PS: To look at pictures of this event, turn the sound on, click on the “Home” link at the top of the page, and click again on “My photos” located on the right side of the page.

 

Since time immemorial, one of the great problems facing menfolk has always been the delicate task of wife schooling.
Because like puppies, wives need to be trained.
Many have warned me that it is not an easy undertaking, but experts say that it can be done.

At the beginning of a formalized relationship, wives are close to perfection (or so it seems), but as time goes by, they adopt a more relaxed attitude and their behavior can become erratic, bordering sometimes on the lunatic.

For a man, there is no question that cupboards should remain shut, kitchen counters clean, daily used utensils settled in permanent niches, and bras and panties not lollygagging around the bathroom.
When this fails to happen, it is obvious that corrective action needs to be taken.

Two methods are available: discipline training or rewards training.
I tried to discipline my wife, but it didn’t work.
I spanked her a few times, but she seemed to enjoy it. No good.

A few days ago, I was watching a documentary about Border collie training and I noticed that the handler had a little pouch hooked to his belt.
Each time the puppy did something right, the trainer dug into his pouch and offered him a treat.
The puppy wagged his tail approvingly.

So here is the god-sent solution.

First of all, you need to determine what kind of treat your wife likes.
It could be French pastry, caviar or smoked oysters, but for practical purposes you should pick something solid.
Mine likes chocolate. So chocolate it will be.

Here is the Modus Operandi:
I will fill up the little pouch with chocolate tidbits, and each time she does something right I will feed her a morsel.
I might have to spend a fortune on chocolate, but it is an experiment worth trying.

Animal trainers have been raving about this system for a long time.
I don’t see why this would not work with housewives.

To be continued…

Alain