Au Cochonnet Marin

OK, so now you can play pétanque fairly decently… you can point and you can almost shoot, but does that make you a genuine pétanque player?
Could you go to France and feel comfortable playing with the natives?
I don’t think so!
Regardless of your newly acquired skills, you cannot pretend to be a real pétanque player without speaking the lingo.
It would be like eating sushi with a fork!

To help you fully integrate the pétanque fraternity, I have gathered a few words and expressions that you could (carefully) use to ingratiate yourself with the Snail Eaters.

Biberon: (un) a baby bottle. A boule hugging the cochonnet.

Bien joué! Well played!

Boule Devant: Boule in front. The French say “Boule devant, boule d’argent” (a boule in front is worth its weight of silver).

Bras d’or (un): Golden arm. A player with a golden arm is an individual who plays extremely well.

Casquette (une) A cap. A shot when a boule bounces off the top of the target boule without moving it.

Casser le bras (break the arm): To distract a player when he is shooting. Tu me casses le bras! (You are breaking my arm).

Baiser Fanny: To kiss Fanny.
According to tradition, when players lose 13-0, they must kiss the buttocks of a woman called Fanny (usually a cardboard cut-out).
Caution: use the word “baiser” very carefully. It could mean either kiss or fuck.

Les pieds dans le rond! Feet in the circle!

Plomber: consists of throwing a boule relatively high in the air (like a mortar shot) to land it and make it stop it near the cochonnet.

Poussette (une): a little push. To slightly push one of your team’s boule toward the cochonnet.

Têtard (un). “Téter » means “to suck”. Therefore a “têtard” is a boule that literally sucks (hugs) the cochonnet.

Tirer au fer: shoot the iron. To hit an opponent’s boule without touching the ground.

Merde: Shit. Indispensable French word when playing pétanque (or doing practically anything else).

Putain: Whore. Exclamation of wonder, or disappointment. To be used carefully.

Hope that this will help.
See you on the field.

Alain La Foudre

 

 

Once in a while I feel the need for a cultural bath and that’s why last Thursday morning I drove to the Palace of the Legion of Honor in San Francisco to immerse myself in an exhibition called Impressionists on the Water.
We are talking of course about that old gang: Monet, Caillebotte, Renoir, Pissarro, etc.

Most of the people are familiar with these artists but far fewer know about Gustave Caillebotte, and he just happens to be one of my favorite Impressionists.
His lesser fame might due to the fact that besides painting, Caillebote had another consuming passion: sailing.
He ceased painting in his mid-thirties and devoted himself almost exclusively to gardening, building and racing yachts.
He unfortunately died at 45 of a pulmonary congestion and that might explain his relative obscurity.
Nevertheless, I love his paintings and I particularly like “Paris Street, Rainy Day” that renders especially well the gloomy atmosphere of the French capital on a wet winter day.

After our cultural interlude we felt the need for a more down to earth kind of pleasure and we drove to the Baker Street Bistro for a little nourishment.
I had not been there since it was sold a few years ago and I didn’t know what to expect.
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised.

First of all, we managed to secure a table outside in front of the establishment, and on this sunny autumn day it felt particularly pleasant.
The food proved to be above expectations.

Since I am fond of « cochonnaille » I started with a « Assiette Charcutière » (pâté de campagne, dry saucisson, smoked duck breast, garlic sausage, cornichons & onions) and it proved an excellent choice. I particularly appreciated the “pâté de champagne”.

Next, I went for the Moules Provençale (mussels, white wine, shallots, parsley, tomato and pesto).
The mussels were plump and juicy but what made this classic dish particularly tasty was the addition of some pesto.
Next time you prepare some “moules” at home, try to add a little pesto to the broth; you will be pleasantly surprised.

Tamara picked the Navarin d’Agneau Printanier (lamb stew with zucchini, eggplant, bell peppers, carrots) and by the way it disappeared from her plate I could tell that it was to her liking.

Our French-speaking waitress whose name was Chantal did an excellent job despite the fact that she was shorthanded.
Service could have been a little speedier, but this is the only hiccup to an otherwise perfect lunch.
I am pretty sure that if you go there for dinner you won’t have this problem.

If you are in San Francisco and you start feeling some hunger pangs, head for the Baker Street Bistro (2953 Baker Street) and give it a try.
You will like it.

Alain La Foudre

 

I have often been amazed (and disturbed I must say) by the amount of noise generated by a brood of cackling women.

I don’t know if it is only me, but it seems that the “weaker sex” grows stronger (and louder) when assembling with their sorority sisters.
We once came across such group in a restaurant, and they were so noisy that I mentioned it to my wife.
Those must be single women, my wife remarked.
Why, did I ask?
After they marry they don’t laugh anymore.

Is that so? Interesting remark… but not necessarily true.

I have seen and heard women of different ages and social statuses generate as much noise as a pack of rowdy teenagers.
What prompts these (normally demure?) women to behave like frat boys on Spring Break?
Is it the exhilaration generated by the absence of a male figure?
Or the sense of entitlement brought to the fore by the “bra burning” movement?
Is it some kind of exhibitionistic display?

Je ne sais pas… but I would like to know.

Men are naturally loud (and obnoxious) but why would ladies behave like drunken sailors when in a group?
And what could be done to tone down those noisy gatherings?

When dealing with “the gentler sex” you have to be extremely careful because as the Bard said:
“Hell hath no fury like an angered woman”

But, would garlic and a crucifix help?
Should Animal Control be summoned?
Could Mace be used?

I understand that there are more pressing problems than this kind of environmental pollution, but a remedy for this type of nuisance would be welcome and would sell extremely well.

Alain La Foudre