On Christmas day I was invited to break bread with my wife’s relatives.
It is an honor and even though this is always an interesting experience I don’t readily accept this kind of invitation.
Since my knowledge of Russian is rather limited, sitting silently for a few hours with a bunch of boisterous Slavs can be a rather trying occurrence.
In this particular occasion, I was the only non Russian-speaking guest and was kept in a virtual straight jacket for most of the evening.
I know a few useful expressions like “fuck-off”, “I am cold and hungry”, “pass the vodka”, “where are the women?” but those are not enough to sustain a polite conversation throughout an entire evening.
My dining companions tried a few times to engage me in English but it didn’t last very long and they soon reverted to their mother tongue.
I don’t blame them. I understand. We native French, often carelessly exclude English-speaking folks when we outnumber them, but to be honest, we feel more comfortable in our native tongue than in our adopted language.
It is not an excuse but a reality.
During the evening I caught a few familiar sounding words, but like a flock of geese they were flying high and fast and I could not really make sense of what was being said.
Once, when everybody was laughing I asked “is this about me?” They assured me it was not and laughed even harder.
When we first arrived, the dining table was loaded with tempting “Zakuski” but I knew from experience that I had to pace myself.
On my first Russian diner experience I thought that these delicious tidbits were the entire meal and I stuffed myself.
Imagine my surprise when two hours later (after a lively twerking interlude) they brought the main course.
Live and learn!
During the meal, in the Russian fashion, many toasts were proposed and cheerily endorsed by the guests with a very generous shot of vodka.
To be friendly I toasted everybody and everything, not knowing who or what I was toasting.
Drinking vodka is an acquired discipline and Russians start practicing early.
When they reach adulthood (?) they are consummate drinkers and seem unaffected by large consumption of firewater.
If you are smart, don’t ever try to outdrink a Russian!
The evening ended with tea and pastries and everybody headed home nursed and comforted by their Florence Nightingale drivers.
Hа здоровье (Na zdorov’ye) and Happy New Year to all!
Alexandrovitch
