Au Cochonnet Marin

While traveling abroad, American tourists spotted the following signs.

Athens, hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the women who are employed to clean the rooms.
Moscow hotel: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Paris dress shop: Elegant dresses designed for street walking.
Rome laundry: Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Acapulco hotel: We are pleased to announce that the manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Those signs were obviously created by inarticulate English speakers for the benefit of English speaking travellers.
They were somewhat helpful, but also hilariously inadequate.

Today, if you travel abroad and have a Smartphone. you won’t make any booboos and expose yourself to ridicule.

If you trek to Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, Germany, or even Russia, and don’t speak le local lingo there is a very simple solution.
Use the Google Translate app (application) and you will be amazed by its capabilities.
I was.

Google Translate will automatically convert anything you say, while the conversation is happening.
You will ask your questions in English and Google will translate and pronounce everything instantaneously (with the proper accent) in the local language.
And it will also show the transcript of your conversation on the Smartphone’s screen.
Then your interlocutor can answer in his own language and it will automatically come out in your language.

I am in fairly constant contact with Russian people who don’t speak English.
My Russian being rather limited, this could be a big problem (Bolshoya probliema).
But have no fear, Google is here!
With Google Translate I have become a flawless Russian speaker, instantly understood by my Slavic friends.

It is also helpful may I add when communicating with my wife. It can help to clarify misunderstandings that could easily evolve into nuclear incidents.

By the way, the app is free and you would be foolish not to take advantage of it.

https://translate.google.com/?ie=UTF-8&hl=en&client=tw-ob#auto/ru/Goodbye%20my%20friends

До Свидания, мои друзья, Do zvidaniya moi druz’ya

In other words, goodbye my friends!

Alain

PS: Google plans to add more languages very soon.

To appease my health insurance company, my wife and my weary guardian angel  I try to exercise (moderately) every day, and when I do, I usually listen to a collection of tunes stored on my iPhone.
My phone holds about 500 songs, some in French, Spanish, English, German, Italian, Portuguese, Greek, Russian…
As you can see, I am an equal opportunity listener.
If a tune is catchy I will listen to it regardless of its language and its origins.

Among the French songs, there is one that I am particularly fond of.
It is called “la tendresse” (tenderness).
It was written by Italian born Patricia Carli and made famous by popular French singer Daniel Guichard.

In days of half-baked lyrics and dreadful melodies? shouted by half naked performers, it is refreshing to listen to heartfelt feelings that ring a bell in many of us.

Hoping that you like it as much as I do, here are the (inadequately translated) lyrics of this song:

La tendresse

C’est quelquefois ne plus s’aimer mais être heureux
De se trouver à nouveau deux
C’est refaire pour quelques instants un monde en bleu
Avec le cœur au bord des yeux
La tendresse, la tendresse, la tendresse
La tendresse, la tendresse
C’est quand on peut se pardonner sans réfléchir
Sans un regret sans rien se dire
C’est quand on veut se séparer sans se maudire
Sans rien casser, sans rien détruire

Tenderness

It is sometimes not loving each other anymore but being happy
To be together again
It is remaking for a few moments a world in blue
With the heart at the edge of the eyes (poetic license; extremely difficult to translate)
Tenderness, tenderness, tenderness,
Tenderness, tenderness,
It is when one can forgive without thinking,
Without a regret, without saying anything
It is when you can separate without cursing
Without breaking anything, without destroying anything

La tendresse, la tendresse, la tendresse
La tendresse, la tendresse
C’est un geste, un mot, un sourire quand on oublie
Que tous les deux on a grandi
C’est quand je veux te dire je t’aime et que j’oublie
Qu’un jour ou l’autre l’amour finit
La tendresse, la tendresse, la tendresse
La tendresse
La tendresse, la tendresse, la tendresse
La tendresse
Allez viens.

Tenderness, tenderness, tenderness
Tenderness, tenderness,
It is a gesture, a word, a smile when we forget
That we both grew up
It is when I want to say that I love you and forget
That love ends some day
Tenderness, tenderness, tenderness
Tenderness, tenderness
Come…

Alain

http://youtu.be/y1tflDrGDys

 

Some of you might have noticed that lately, I have not been as productive as I was in the past.
My literary output (I like the sound of this) has decreased and some of my readers are wondering why.
In my defense, may it please the court, I will submit arguments pointing to highly extenuating circumstances.

My blogging output is conditioned by my access to my computer, or more precisely access to the computer’s keyboard.
My primary problem stems from the fact that my collaborator is lazy (yes) and prone to lengthy snooze sessions on my work area.
This prevents me from accessing the keyboard, thus greatly restricting my creative output.

The second problem has something to do with her brazen attempts to take control of my writing.
She will frequently try to correct my so-called “mistakes” by blocking the cursor on the screen with her right paw.
But (and I am not bragging) I am a much better speller than she is and she knows it.
I won’t be intimidated by her brazen insolence.

And leaning on the screen with both front paws to obstruct my field of vision is a little childish, don’t you think? I don’t mind creative suggestions, but I won’t be bullied into submission by catty tactics.

Besides this, I also have other grievances.

In order to create, you need to have a clear mind and you cannot have a clear mind if you don’t get enough sleep.
I will submit to you ladies and gentlemen, that my slumber has been highly perturbed by my collaborator’s nightly incursions in my bed.
That hussy has no qualms about sleeping with me and taking advantage of my weak moral compass.
Licking my face with a raspy tongue is also highly prejudicial to the quality of my sleep.

To sum it up, ladies and gentlemen, my collaborator whose main activities are sleeping, playing, and eating (not necessarily in that order) lacks the inner drive and the qualities to be a successful blogger.
Did I mention the time spent on grooming?

I must confess that I hired her based on her good looks and her playful ways, but I am afraid that she not responsible enough to hold a trustworthy position.

It is for many of theses reasons that I am relegating her to a strictly honorific function.
I will keep her as a trophy cat to be exhibited at cocktail parties but that’s all.
No byline in my blog!

If you hear any rumors to the contrary, don’t believe it. I am still the sole writer and editor of this blog.

Thank you for your attention.

Alain