Au Cochonnet Marin

Yesterday, January 6 marked the day of the Epiphany, a feast that celebrates the revelation to the world that newborn Jesus (funny name) is the Son of God.

Yesterday was also my birthday, a day that also confirms that I am not the son of any deity. Difficult to believe, don’t you think?
And still, a lot of people took the time to send me a note to wish me a happy birthday.
Thank you very much to you all. Merci beaucoup mes chers amis !

This is one of the few things that Facebook is good for. Remind people of upcoming birthdays.
This avalanche of good wishes prompted me to update my Facebook status to include my wife, and the second I did this, Facebook trumpeted to the world: “Alain Got Married!”

This in turn led well-wishers to send me their heartfelt congratulations.
Well my friends, sorry to disappoint you but I didn’t get hitched yesterday. I did this for the second time about ten years ago, probably while in a drunken stupor.

But this episode perfectly illustrates the danger of providing too much information about yourself on social media.
There is a wise French saying that goes: “Pour vivre heureux vivons cachés” (to live a happy life, remain discreet) and it is a heck of a good advice.
No matter who you are, it would benefit you to always remain discreet about yourself.

Yesterday was also the birthday of my good friend Jean-Claude (the Baker) Bunand. I forgot a little bit about this because of the commotion surrounding my own birthday.
But the “barbu” didn’t forget.
Around 7:00 p.m. someone rang my doorbell and when I opened the door it was not Melchior, Caspar or Balthazar standing there.
It was Jean-Claude bearing Gold, Myrrh and Frankincense.

Actually it was just a Galette des Rois (buttery puffed pastry filled with almond cream) but it was symbolic enough. This man reveres me like a god.

Thank you Jean-Claude. You are a king among men and I am glad to count you as a friend.
Thank you all for thinking of Little Old Me on that significant day.
This might entitle you to a piece of the Kings’ Cake.

Alain

PS: We didn’t eat it that cake. We are saving it to share it with friends.

I consider myself a helpful person and I will prove it to you once more by helping you make the best resolutions for 2015.
Here are the most sensible commitments I gleaned on the Internet that I will unselfishly share with you:

 

* I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

* I will also do less laundry and wear more deodorant

* I will go to the gym more than twice this year.

* I will lose between ten and three thousand pounds.

* I will get two friends to start smoking… that way I will feel less guilty when I drink too much.

* I will regularly check that my family is still alive in the next room

* I will stop twitting from the toilets

* I will not try to teach my wife to fly out the window when she gets on my nerves.

* In 2015 I will continue my red wine, pasta Alfredo and fast food diet, but in the bio mode

* I will think of a better password than “password” or “hello”.

* I will learn what the word “resolution” means.

And finally, I wish that the fleas of a thousand mangy dogs infest the ass of anyone who messes just one second of the new year and that this moron’s arms become too short to ever scratch.

Happy new year ! Frohes neues Jahr ! Bonne année à tous ! Buon anno ! Feliz ano nuevo ! С Новым Годом (S novim godom)

Your devoted friend

Alain

PS : In 2014 you sent me your best wishes. It did not work.
For 2015 send me cash instead. Thank you.

Some people worship the sun but I seem to be more partial to foggy days when a thick cloud of tiny water droplets restricts visibility and reshapes everything into ghostly forms.

And this morning, such was the case in Marin County. A thick layer of fog hovered over the landscape and transformed familiar scenery into a mysterious otherworldly vision.

The Las Gallinas Wildlife Ponds looked like outsized mirrors dotted by a multitude of waterfowls.
This is where by the way dwell trolls, goblins, leprechauns and korrigans. If you don’t have a clear conscience, it is a place to better avoid.

But it is nonetheless an area that I visit regularly.
I like to walk by myself, without anybody to perturb my Dreamtime journey.
I can hear the Korrigans whispering in the thick fog, but as a bone fide card-carrying pétanque player I have nothing to fear.
Playing classic music on my Smartphone also seems to have a soothing effect on the creatures.

Around one of the ponds there is also an isolate area where for a few days in a row I have met a lone Canadian goose.

She stood erect by the side of the path and watched me come without showing any apparent alarm. I walked slowly by avoiding her gaze.
She looked at me curiously but didn’t give any ground. She was a big bird and I would hate to have to tangle with her.
I always avoid looking directly at her for fear of provoking her.

I wonder why she stays there by herself? Geese are gregarious creatures and like company. Is she (like the good girls of yesteryear) discreetly hatching eggs born out of a guilty liaison?

Once in a while some ghostly figures emerge from the fog. They look human but you cannot be certain.
Some smile, some don’t. Sometimes we greet each other, sometimes we don’t.

While crossing path with them I clutch a dried paprika bean given to me by a one-eyed gypsy woman.
If evil spirits ever bother you she said, bite on the paprika and blow on your tormentors.
They will back down. It is very effective.
I believe it.

Around 11:00 am the fog lifts a little and a pale December sun peers through the darkness.
The goblins vanish and I head home.

Alain

“Cats try to teach humans a few basic words of cat language. They find that most humans can learn simple phrases such as “Let me out”, “You are an idiot”, “I want some dinner” and “Play with me.”
Stuart and Linda MacFarlane