The call of the wild

The call of the wild is an ancient attribute proper to every living thing. Very few creatures feel content to stay confined in the same environment for a long time. After a while, they long to explore fresh new territories. And so are humans.

Because of the threat of the Coronavirus, we have been requested to stay home… to keep a safe distance from our fellow citizens… And most of us abide by this directive. But as I understand it, it does not mean that we have to remain totally cooped up…

When you are about to be overcome by the blues, you might want to slip into your trekking zapatos and answer the call of the wild. But be careful and considerate. Stay away from people for at least 6 feet. You might also want to carry an electric cattle prod to keep the Spring Breakers and their ilk at bay.

In my neighborhood, pets are more numerous than people… (or so it seems) and they are not to be trifled with. It appears that the beasts don’t pay too much attention to the news and demand to go out every day. So, their keepers oblige, and that’s OK. As long as people don’t congregate, we all benefit from a bowl of fresh air.

Personally, I hear the call of the wild regularly. After a few hours spent behind a computer screen, I need to go out and stretch my legs. In order to remain sound of mind and body (and prodded by my wife), I walk regularly. I am not fanatic about it but I do it and I always feel better afterward.

Even during these trying times, I feel that I should continue that routine. But in a considerate manner. Like many of my neighbors, we walk solo and keep a safe distance from others.

But this practice can be boring and that’s why I never leave home without Sneaky Pete, my little compact camera. I am an indiscriminate hunter and I shoot whatever presents itself. I particularly like to photograph the fauna gathering around local ponds. If you look closely at them you will notice that different species mix peacefully with other breeds.
This is a thing that humans often fail to do.

To sum it up, don’t let gloom overwhelm you. Stay in touch with your friends (Skype, FaceTime, WhatsApp) and walk regularly to aerate your brain.

Danger, if met head on, can be nearly halved. Winston Churchill

We are all in this together and we will soon reach the other shore. Just keep safe and laughing (not too loud) in the face of danger. So far this is the best remedy .

Alain

The country is closed. Come back later.

Just like the coffee shop around the corner, the country is closed. Signs everywhere are confirming it. Apart from a few runners and dog walkers, the streets are devoid of traffic and eerily empty.

Unexpectedly faced with an invisible enemy, frightened villagers have been told to pause any activity and stay home. After hoarding food (and condoms I heard) they retreated to their strongholds and raised their drawbridges. Atop of their ramparts, they are anxiously scrutinizing the horizon waiting for help or signs of the invading army.

But unlike previous invaders, this new enemy is stealthy and unusually deadly. It will kill indiscriminately any person standing in its way. Venturing out without protective gear has become extremely dangerous, and unfortunately, chainmail suits are scarce.

Just like Good Old Uncle Joe in 1940, our commander in chief has been caught flatfooted and struggling for answers. And like Joseph Stalin then, he is desperately seeking help from anybody willing to help.

The only effective way to fight this new foe is to find its Achilles heel and aim for it. This is the Holy Grail and white-coated scientists around the world are feverishly working on this project.

In the meantime, families are sequestering themselves and this could quickly become problematic. Humans and animals alike don’t like to be confined, and the longer this crisis lasts, the more volatile this situation will become.

Husbands, wives, and kids are nice, but like sweets, they are to be enjoyed in small doses. Overexposure to them might result in regrettable incidents. The boob tube will be helpful but won’t be completely effective against this dire situation.

Parents will have to be extremely creative to weather this storm and come out of it alive… or in speaking terms. I suspect that shrinks and lawyers will be extremely busy after all of this is over.

Ménages a trois, on the other hand, might fare much better. It is widely known that two is company, but three is a party.

To sum it up

Ultimately this saga is going to be astronomically costly and our next president will have a lot on his plate. Hopefully, we will inherit a responsible adult who will put country first instead of his personal interest.

The country is closed. Come back later.

Alain

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Laughing is the best medicine

“The chief excitement in a woman’s life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.” Helen Rowland

“I have never abused alcohol; it was always a consensual relationship.”

“Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”

“Archimedes was the first to prove that when a body is immersed in a bathtub, the telephone rings.”

“Life is a deadly sexually transmitted disease.” Woody Allen

“I am not afraid of terrorism: I was married for two years!” – Sam Kinison

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” Mark Twain

 “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” Henry A. Kissinger

 “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” Isaac Asimov

 “Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.” Sam Levenson

 “Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”

“A small sketch says more than a big speech, but much less than a big check.”

“If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” Jay Leno

“When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President, I’m beginning to believe it.” Clarence Darrow

“A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.” Lisa Kleypas

 Coffee is like women; at first it excites, after that it makes you nervous.”