Au Cochonnet Marin

Friends, Romans, Millionaires—lend me your ears!
I come here to bury our former president, not to praise him.

In 2026, I intend to run for President of the LPM Pétanque Club (among other things) and usher out the radicals who’ve turned our peaceful terrain into a battlefield of boules and bravado.

I stand before you with only one mission: to make our club great again. From now on, no more wasting club funds on mystery expenses, no more rampant disorganization, no more corruption.

I want to know where every penny goes each time it is spent, and especially on frivolous expenses like Medicare care and Social Security.

Everybody is ripping us off, and I intend to put an end to that. I will tax everything coming to this country, unless they give us a fair good deal. I want every manufacturing job to come back to the US, so that our citizens can enjoy the high-paying jobs they deserve! Yes, there might be some growing pains during this period, but I promise you that it will be only temporary. Maybe ten to twenty years of hardship at most, not more. Guaranteed!

I am running to make our club great again, and to end the waste of money and the ineptitude that is flagrant in the present administration.  I want to stop the influx of illegal players who have snuck into our country and stolen trophies from our hard-working citizens. They are rapists and criminals, and I intend to send them back where they came crawled from… or anywhere else.

Let me be clear. I will be firm but fair. My administration will hire only the best, regardless of political beliefs, and as long as they pledge a loyalty oath to me, to the club, to pétanque, and to our sacred cause (which I’ll announce later).

As for defense, our club is already a powerhouse. We’ve got the best players, the fiercest throwers, and the sharpest aim in the Western Hemisphere. If Greenland (a poor, bare country) needs us, we are willing to help extinguish the volcanoes’ braziers that are devastating your beautiful country. We will do this as a fair deal. One club, one citizenship, one country!

Our club needs money, and I intend to do some serious fundraising to remedy that problem. Fundraising is my specialty. Millionaires are welcome to our ranks, and I promise you that there won’t be any discrimination if you approve of my policies. And I will lead by example. Don’t be afraid to make money. It is good for everybody, it is healthy, and I will show you how it is done. Making money is not a sin—it’s a pétanque tradition!

To boost morale and club spirit, I will also promote pompom squads, American flags, and a rousing rendition of the national anthem before every tournament. That’s right—pompoms, anthems, the works. We’ll turn pétanque into the most profitable sport in the world. And I already acquired the rights to the best boules ever made. They will be made in America, and it will benefit the American iron and steel industry and contribute mightily to our national recovery.

So vote for me—and you, too, can experience the thrill of supporting an ambitious, unapologetically enthusiastic, money-loving enthusiast who just might take pétanque to the stars.

Alain

 

“When men yield up the privilege of thinking, the last shadow of liberty quits the horizon.” — Thomas Paine

Although these words were written more than two centuries ago, they remain strikingly relevant today.

Everyone can talk, but few take the time to write. Why? Because speaking often requires little thought, and you can spew words without truly thinking. Writing, on the other hand, demands reasoning and reflection. For some, that’s too much to ask.

I find mental decline far more terrifying than physical deterioration. To keep your brain sharp, you must occasionally challenge yourself, and writing is one of the best ways to do that. Think of it as a mental workout—like a stationary bike for the mind. It keeps your cognitive gears from rusting and your thoughts from growing lazy. In time, writing becomes a habit, even a need. You may sit down with nothing particular to say, yet still feel drawn to the keyboard to write a few thoughts

You can often tell when someone speaks without thinking. Their words are hollow, their views inconsistent, and their opinions shifting from week to week. They sound unmoored—and at times, ridiculous. This is especially troubling when that person is an elected official…

Writing forces you to clarify your thoughts before expressing them. It’s the calisthenics of the brain, as essential as walking. If neglected, your thinking becomes sluggish, unchallenged, and susceptible to fall prey to fraudulent messiahs.

Most importantly, writing stimulates you. It compels you to examine your beliefs, to form opinions, and sometimes to take a stand that diverges from the crowd.

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.” ~ Henry Ford

Alain

According to The New York Times, a large-scale military parade is being planned for June 14 in the streets of Washington, D.C.—conveniently timed to coincide with Donald Trump’s 79th birthday. What a surprise for such a modest man…

A brief flashback to history: Roman Emperor Augustus is best known for founding the Roman Empire and transforming Rome from a republic into an imperial state. Strangely, it seems America may be undergoing a similar metamorphosis. This upcoming ceremony bears an uncanny and uncomfortable resemblance to the ancient Roman tradition of triumphal arches—monuments built to glorify emperors. Augustus himself decreed that only emperors were entitled to such triumphs.

This would-be “tradition” feels oddly reminiscent of the coronation of a British monarch—a concept that was once anathema on the American continent. It also calls to mind a fable by Jean de La Fontaine, etched into the memory of every French child:

« Et bonjour, Monsieur du Corbeau.
Que vous êtes joli ! que vous me semblez beau !
Sans mentir, si votre ramage
Se rapporte à votre plumage,
Vous êtes le Phénix des hôtes de ces bois. »

“And hello, Mr. Crow. How pretty you are! How handsome you seem to me! Without lying, if your song matches your plumage, you are the Phoenix of the inhabitants of these woods.”

So said the cunning Fox to the vain Crow, who, flattered and careless, dropped the cheese he held in his beak. For nothing delights the vain more than flattery—especially when it’s unearned.

Vain people tend to dominate the spotlight, forever recounting their achievements. But as Ambrose Bierce once observed:
“Hens do cackle loudest when nothing is vital in the eggs they have laid.”

And as Lord Chesterfield wisely advised:
“The only sure way of avoiding these evils [vanity and boasting] is never to speak of yourself at all. But when you are obliged to mention yourself, take care not to drop one word that can directly or indirectly be construed as fishing for applause.”

In contrast, modesty is a quiet strength—the ability to recognize one’s worth without seeking validation through spectacle or self-praise.

We already have one special day to commemorate the Armed Forces’ sacrifices, and it is November 11. Let’s stick to it!

Alain