Au Cochonnet Marin

“First do no harm”

I have been at the Lake for a few days (I hope that you missed me), but I am back, full of piss and vinegar.

A few days ago, I was involved in a freakish little mishap.
While backing out of my carport, I hit (or was hit) by my neighbor who was also pulling out of her own parking area.
Since our cars are parked in a perpendicular manner, I didn’t see anything in my rearview mirror and she didn’t see me either.
There was just this sudden sickening sound of crunched metal plastic and the deafening sound of silence when we both stopped.
Whose fault was it? I don’t know.

What I do know though, is that (after seeing an appraiser) this innocent little fender bender will cost just about $3000.00 to fix.
I probably could buy a good used previously owned car for that price.

I called my insurance company and was promptly told that my premium would go up.
Foul! Double foul!

I have not had any accident for the last 30 years but the insurance company doesn’t want to hear that. It eagerly collected my money during all that time without a word of thanks and will continue to do so.
Now, at the first little mishap they have the audacity to penalize me by raising my premium.
I ask you ladies and gentlemen, is that fair? But I have not said my last word…

What is the definition of “insurance” anyway? Merriam-Webster, my faithful bedside companion says:

“A practice or arrangement by which a company or government agency provides a guarantee of compensation for specified loss, damage, illness, or death in return for payment of a premium.”

Not bad, but I found a better definition:

“Insurance – an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.” Ambrose Bierce

In other words, the game is rigged. And it is legal…
If you ask me, insurance is a big Ponzi scheme.

And what about medical insurance? Isn’t it a big rip-off?

“I basically believe the medical insurance industry should be nonprofit, not profit-making. There is no way a health reform plan will work when it is implemented by an industry that seeks to return money to shareholders instead of using that money to provide health care.”
Dianne Feinstein, California US Senator

 Right on Dianne! Exactly my feeling. Why do you think that I voted Democrat for all these years?

I am not a Socialist, but I believe that medical care should not be tied to profit. It is an unholy alliance that has a sulfurous smell.

The Hippocratic Oath says “First, do no harm” but charging an arm and a leg (and probably a kidney) for a medical procedure is doing great harm to the population at large.

Good healthcare should not be the sole prerogative of the wealthy.

But enough ranting for today.
My little problem as you well know, is nothing compared to the BIG gun problem facing America.

Alain

Today I purchased a new iPhone. The iPhone 6S that is. A gizmo that no metrosexual (a young, urban, heterosexual male with liberal political views, an interest in fashion, and a refined sense of taste) – I think that I closely match this description- can do without.
Not that I really need this gadget, but at my age I still want something to brag about.

I will celebrate this occasion by randomly calling a bunch of strangers to let them know the good news.
I will also try to reach the Pope. I have been told that he is a very understanding man and will talk to just about anybody. Why not me, even though I am a confirmed pagan?

The process of getting the new phone was extremely smooth.
About a week ago I made a reservation on line to get a new phone and Apple obliged me by setting a date and a time for our encounter.
My date was Friday, September 25^th at 2:00 pm.

I showed up to the Corte Madera store at 1:50 pm and after showing my credentials I was asked to wait a few minutes. I waited no longer than 5 minutes. Then a very knowledgeable young man took me in charge and started the sale and installation processes.
Apple also gave me a credit of $165.00 for my old 5S phone and 30 minutes later I was on my way home.
I was truly tickled pink red with the smoothness of the process.
Jolly good show Apple!

Everybody who is anybody has got to have a cell phone. Not the antique flip phone mind you, but a smartphone that will faithfully obey your every command.
Siri, bring me my slippers!
Yes master.
That’s what a call a smart phone.

Parents who want to keep up with the Joneses start providing cell phones to their offspring as early as kindergarten. It is for their protection they say.
No matter that Johnny barely remember where he lives.

I noticed that men and women carry their phones differently. Men usually keep them in a pocket but women carry their phones in the open, like protecting amulets.

If bothered by ruffians they point their phones in the direction of the intruder while saying loudly “Vade retro satana”.
It does not always work. Sometimes the criminal grabs the phone and run.
But then according to Apple, you can neutralize the device and render it useless by using the lethal Kill Switch.
Does the phone self destroy? I hope so.

Before I leave you, a little rib tickler:

“After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the woman felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?” “I found the remote cell phone,” he mumbled.”

GGPBL (Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!)

Alain

 

“All hockey (and pétanque) players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.”
Gordie Howe



I have been playing the game steadily for the last 10 years and my motto has always been:

“It ain’t over till the fat lady sings”.

 My philosophy is that regardless of the situation, a game is never lost until the 13^th point has been recorded.
It is only when Brünnhilde has mooed her last aria that I will lay down my weapons.

 It is not uncommon by the way for a team to lead 12/3 and (as our Australian friends would say) be “pipped at the post” and lose by a final score of 12/13.

The key to any game is to keep your head cool and your powder dry. No matter how bleak the situation, there is always hope. Try to remember that there is a blue sky just a few feet above the clouds.

And never assume anything.
I have sometimes been surprised to defeat renowned players and be trounced by lesser opponents.

In a game, there is time to play defense and a time to play offense.
The natural inclination of many players is to shoot the boule hugging the “cochonnet” but it is sometimes better to let it go instead of wasting precious ammunition trying to dislodge it.
It is more sensible to lose a single point than 3 or 4.

If you are leading, never show arrogance. Forget jubilant high-fives; they are showbizzy but could come back and bite you in the “derrière” if you lose the game.

In my (humble) opinion, there should never be a long strategy discussion during a game (especially during a timed one). After a quick look, an experienced player will know what to do. Long huddles are useless and exasperating.

And I see no point in walking back and forth to check the likely path of the boule. When you release your metal ball, you never know the exact spot where it is going to land.
Unless there is a bad spot (the size of a pizza) to avoid, scrutinizing the ground is not going to do anything for you.

Above all, good sportsmanship and humility are the true marks of a champion.

That’s the way I see it. Feel free to disagree and throw boules at me.

Alain