All the King’s men

An unlearned king is nothing but a crowned ass.  Henry I

Once upon a time… a baby was born into a wealthy family. Well-wishers from all over the world were summoned to offer gifts and blessings.

Numerous people (some on camels) came to rhapsodize and pay homage to the newborn sleeping in the golden manger. Two good fairies (friends of the family) also came and each blessed the child with a single valuable gift.

But a third hunchbacked fairy who lived in a hut in the nearby forest was not invited and took offense of the slight. Stirring a mysterious cauldron, she then said: this child will be successful… but…

“if he ever breaks his covenant with the people who anointed him, if he lies more than 1000 times in his lifetime, his fall will be swift and calamitous”.

 The baby grew up, and propped up by family and business acquaintances he became wealthy and… arrogant. Surrounded by sycophants, he could do no wrong… and even when he did, the faux-pas would be quickly swept under the rug and forgotten.

Even though pathetically misinformed, the man became opinionated and narcissistic. Just like a third-rate potentate, he demanded that his name and picture be posted in prominent places.

He became so imbued with himself that he slowly began to think that he should be king of his country. A king he heard, was a man who could do or say anything without fear of being contradicted, and he found the idea very appealing.

He practiced playing king with his immediate entourage and he was pleased with the results. All his youthful blunders and flagrant shortcoming were whited out from the books and the public at large was treated to the grandiose accomplishments of the would-be king.

And to universal surprise, he was anointed by some to rule over the others… Many people were shocked, but not the hunchbacked fairy. She had kept a thorough tally of all the King’s fabulations, and the needle on her pressure valve was slowly inching toward the red zone.

The king did not seem to be aware of it… but his barons started to fret.

The ticker tape machine keeping a tab of all the king’s fabulations is inching towards a critical zone,  and the hunchbacked fairy is snickering under her breath.

The royal vessel is running an erratic course and seems to be bound for the jagged reefs already heard in the distance… and there are very few lifeboats… Save Our Souls!

Alain

Lamorinda 30th anniversary

Yesterday, the Bay Area pétanque fraternity was invited to celebrate Lamorinda 30th anniversary and many devotees eagerly responded to the invite.

Fifty-two players (52) accompanied by family and well-wishers came running… and I am also happy to report that for once, at least 12 members of La Pétanque Marinière found the vigor to attend.

Pascal Gravier (Lamonrida’s president) outdid himself to make this event memorable. He even invited Mike Anderson (Lafayette’s mayor) to throw the first boule of the tournament and the mayor obligingly complied.

“La pièce de résistance” of the event was a giant astonishing birthday cake crafted by “maître-pâtissier” Jean-Claude Etallaz. I hate to use this superlative, but damn, it was awesome! Don’t tell anybody but I had two servings of it.

Tidbits: Daniel Genini completed his 90th parachute jump. Saperlipopette!
Met Julie Hackett: who introduced herself. Extremely nice and charming young lady.

Now about the tournament!
It was well organized and well-run with the First and Last Names of all participants properly spelled, printed and posted for all to see.

We started playing around 9:30 am and completed 3 timed games before lunch. In the afternoon, as usual, we started to compete for the Concours and Consolante. Tamara and I barely managed to win a single game and were sent packing after our 5th game.

But this was part of my strategy. After leaving the competition, I put away my boules and unsheathed my camera.

Some people believe that I have the gift of ubiquity, but this not quite accurate. I can only be at one place at a time and you will normally find me where the light conditions are most favorable for photography. If you don’t see yourself in my new photo album, it is probably because you played in a shaded area.

The tournament attracted a bunch of very good players and the competition was fierce. Not being able (yet) to be at two places at the same time, I opted to pay closer attention to the Concours than to the Consolante.

In the semifinals, Peter Mathis and Holly Sammons faced Mickey Coughlin and Barbara Hall. It started very badly for Mickey and Barbara. At one point they were led 3 to 8 by Peter and Holly. It did not look good, but they did not give up. Little by little, they came back to reach 10/11.
At this moment, anybody could have won, but finally, Mathis/Sammons prevailed and won the match 13/10.
One of the most interesting game of the tournament, with all the players, playing extremely well.

In the Concours finals, Peter and Holly came against Fue Vang and Mae Her Vang, the same people who trounced us in the morning.

Fue has an unorthodox style of shooting but can be very accurate; Mae points very well. But against Peter and Holly, they seemed to freeze and were unable to score a single point. Needless to say that Peter shot extremely well and Holly kept her usual steady cool.
The game ended sadly by a Fanny: 13/0.

On the Consolante side, Serge Hanne and Dolzee Austin battled Carlos Couto and Beth Lysten, the same miscreants who beat us 13/4 earlier.

Peter Mathis and Holly Sammons

Concours
1st place: Peter Mathis and Holly Sammons – $ 120.00 for each
2nd place: Fue Vang and Mae Her Vang – $80.00 each
3rd place: Mickey Coughlin and Barbara Hall – $60.00 each

Consolante
1st place: Carlos Couto and Beth Lysten – $48.00 each
2nd place: Serge Hanne and Dolzee Austin – $32.00 each
3rd place: Jean-Claude Bunand and Liliane Sebban – $20.00 each

Alain

 Enjoy the pictures!

Dating

Today the world is full of euphemisms.
For instance, “we are dating” is a nuanced way of saying “we are fornicating regularly”. Nothing wrong with that, considering what a minefield and how traumatic dating really is.

Before actually dating, you have got to find a willing guinea pig. Not easy, unless you are genetically blessed, or unless Bill Gates happens to be a close relative.

For most of us, finding a date is more like looking for truffles. Constant digging, with little to show for your efforts. And you never know who you will have to entertain next… Because in the animal world, a male has to entertain a female before having his way with her.

It is part of the contract that was drawn a long time ago between Adam and Eve. Show me a good time said Eve, and I’ll let you look at my bazoombas.
If you have no special talent though, it’s going to be an uphill battle.

And you have to divide dating in two very distinctive categories. There is the “strictly for screwing” dating and the “finding a life partner” category.

Dating often starts on the wrong footing. The guy looking for a little “mano a mano” with the opposite sex, ends up dating a girl looking for the father of her future brood, or vice versa. Not a good match.

The chances of meeting a compatible mate are astronomically small. You would have to be insanely lucky to stumble upon a girl who likes Swedish movies, Tibetan food, Japanese massages, and tantric sex as much as you do. That’s why cyberspace is the smart way to go when it comes to mating.

You first describe yourself (as impartially as possible), present your credentials, and then state what you are looking for.

“Good looking stud, looking for a generously endowed slut, for meaningless sexual afternoon encounters”.

You cannot go wrong with an ad like this. You are being yourself and laying everything on the table without wasting any time finessing the issue of sex.

If on the other hand, your ad reads like “Artistically inclined young man, looking for young Mormon lady who appreciates refined dining, classical music and Italian Renaissance paintings” chances are that you won’t end up with the well-endowed slut.

Actually, I am sure that thousands of well-endowed sluts appreciate refined dining and classical music… But that’s beside the point.

My perception is that “chance” dating has gone the way of the dinosaurs.
You are better off comparing your objectives with your potential date before starting your campaign. If your stated goal (the motel around the corner) doesn’t coincide with those of the woman you are wooing, go back to the Internet and be a little more specific about your intentions.

The well-endowed Mormon lady is out there, looking for you…

Alain