Category: Fourre-tout

A little bit of everything

Cool

A while ago the economy took a big whack on the rump, and many companies rushed to “downsize”. It was trumpeted to the four corners of the kingdom that downsizing was good.

The new credo (but so incredibly un-American) became “smaller is better”. And nobody took it more to heart than the young people of America. They applied this new paradigm to whatever could benefit them, especially their vocabulary.

The English language that had flourished for centuries suddenly became a victim of downsizing. Instead of using a few well-chosen words to define an idea or to respond to an inquiry, American youth downsized their utterings to a few grunts and a handful of clichés.

How was your trip to Tibet Tommy?
Cool.
How did you like the “Ugly Rumors” concert?
It was cool.
How is your girlfriend?
She is super cool.

Why should anybody bother with a rich and elegant prose when a few grunts or words will suffice?
Just memorize about two hundred and fifty words (spelling is optional) and you can be a success in America. That’s probably why “all the tired masses yearning to be free of vocabulary” long to come to America.

The kids in the meantime are reverting to the cave-age way of life where a few grunts and a big stick were the epitome of “savoir vivre”.
This speech-impaired generation is some day going to run the country, and one of these lads will almost certainly become president.

So, mister President, how was your trip to Russia?
It was cool.
What do you think of terrorism?
It’s uncool.
What do you think of space exploration?
It’s super cool.
Thank you for your insight on all of these important issues mister President. A final question, how do you like being president?
It’s awesome!
Thank you mister President.

Wow!  I sleep better now, knowing that our future leader will always say what he means, and mean what he says.

Alain

 

Egocentrism

“It is greed to do all the talking but not want to listen at all.”
Democritus (c. 460 – c. 457 BC)

Generally speaking, life is a commerce. A trading of goods and ideas between people.
But a commerce can only be successful when it benefits both sides. If one of the parties involved feels dissatisfied with the existing contract he will eventually end this relationship.

Upon meeting a friend, good manners dictate that we enquire about his life, his business, his health, etc.
We are willing to listen to his problems, as long as he is also willing to listen to ours.
Those are the unwritten rules of the game.

When somebody doesn’t abide by these rules we tire of him.
We tire of those people who are only willing to talk about themselves without listening and sympathizing with our own difficulties.
We are willing to bear with one’s gallbladder problem if he is willing in turn to listen to our marital problems. It is a trade.
This tacit code of conduct should never be ignored, for doing so will always bring about negative consequences.

Egocentrism is unpleasant and draining.
One gets tired of being unmercifully burdened with somebody else’s problems.
Because of this, we often avoid such people; since most individuals are reluctant to say why they ended the relationship, self-centered people are left wondering why and putting the blame on the other person.

Shrink's couchClinical tests suggest that self-centeredness is often linked to depression.
A mentally healthy individual will patiently listen to your problems; an unhealthy one doesn’t listen and only waits for you to stop talking to babble about himself.

Those who cannot abide by common rules of conversation don’t need a friend. They need a couch… and a shrink. Since you pay him, a shrink will listen without ever interrupting and allow you to talk ad infinitum.

If you are lucky enough to catch yourself droning about your problems, stop and immediately pull on the ripcord of your safety parachute.
While you are floating down to the ground, it will allow the other person to get a word in edgewise and (maybe) preserve your ailing friendship.

If you want to keep a few friends, stop flapping your gums and start listening.

Your friendly (low-cost) shrink.

 

 

Au fer

I used to be a “raspailleur” and now, inspired by Marco Foyot’s preaching, I an aspiring to become a “ferrailleur”.

For the pros, there is big distinction between these two types of “gunslingers”.
A “raspailleur” is a mere journeyman, while a “ferrailleur” is a prince among “petanqueurs”.

A “raspailleur” is somebody who shoots by throwing his boule along the ground prior to hitting his target. It works, but this method has obvious limitations. If anything stands between the shooter and his target, the would-be shooter is incapable of hitting his target
But above all, shooting “à la raspaille” is frowned upon by purists.

A “ferrailleur” on the other hand is somebody who shoots “au fer” (iron to iron), and unlike a lowly “raspailleur” his peers hold him in high regard.
It probably took him years of assiduous efforts to acquire his nobility papers, but once a blue blood always a blue blood.

As I previously said, my epiphany was prompted by Marco Foyot’s preaching.
“Go forth and multiply,” he said to his followers, and as one of his apostle I could do nothing but obey.

Once you start shooting “au fer”, you cannot revert shooting “a la raspaille”.
If you do, it would be like switching back to hamburger after having tasted “filet mignon”.

After achieving a “carreau” a “ferrailleur” is allowed to strut (not too much though) or even take a bow. It would a bad “faux-pas” for a “raspailleur” to indulge in such a thing.

A slo-mo video of a “carreau” is a thing of beauty. The boule rises slowly in the air, hangs for a second in space before reversing its course and streaking back to earth.
As it is approaching its target, it accelerates and finally hits its mark with a highly satisfying sound.

The king of carreaux is a “carreau sur place”, when the attacking boule hits its target squarely on the head, dislodges it and take its place.

Well fellow Boulomanes, have mercy on me but I want to do this.
I want to be in the number of the pros who can do this.

Oh when the pros go marching in
When the pros go marching in
Oh lord I want to be in that number
When the pros go marching in

On that hallelujah day
On that hallelujah day
Oh lord I want to be in that number
When the pros go marching in

Alain La Foudre