Category: Fourre-tout

I never gave it much thought, but for men the quantity of sperm produced in the testicles is of the utmost importance.
Almost as important as money in the eyes of some women, and I can envision dames in the very near future subtly (or not) quizzing their dates about their liquid assets.

Some individuals are saddled with a “low sperm count” and might have difficulties procreating. Bummer (or blessing) depending on where you stand!
Technically this means there are fewer than normal “little guys” paddling in your seminal stream.
The first question that comes to mind is: how many spermatozoids should there be in one milliliter of sperm?
A dozen? A hundred? A thousand? Does anybody know?
According to the Mayo Clinic,” your sperm count is considered lower than normal if you have fewer than 15 million sperm per milliliter of semen.”
Whoa! That’s a lot of Matzo Balls!

I never checked my own count because I was too busy counting my money and mainly because it looked a little difficult rounding up all these little guys.

Now, how do you determine how rich (or how impoverished) you are?
Zat eez ze question!

Well, I just read in a French magazine called “Sciences et Avenir” that an auto test performed at home in now available in French pharmacies.
It is called SpermCheck and is already sold in Great Britain and the United States.
It will calculate the concentration of spermatozoids/ml in your seminal fluid and tell you if it is below par or normal.

Keeping track of the little swimmers (unless you are a perv) is not man’s favorite occupation, although on a rainy day (and if there is nothing to watch on the tube) you could be persuaded to do it to be companionable.

Basically the user must blend his semen with a special solution. He must then put six drops of the liquid on a “reader”, which in turn will search for a protein of semen called “SP10 “.
“The result must be exactly read after seven minutes”. Therefore it is necessary to secure a watch or a chronometer before launching the test; otherwise you might be getting an erroneous result.

Sperm count and fertility decline with advancing age and that’s why many busy young professionals are now freezing their eggs or sperm and keep it into a secure vault for future use.
So technically speaking, you could father a child while napping in a wheelchair or even when resting three feet underground.
You cannot stop progress, but progress can get a little spooky.

Wishing you a high count of you know what.
Wink wink!

Alain

PS: The Spermcheck Fertility auto test is manufactured by Contravac, an American company based in Virginia.

Compliments of Alain Marchand:

I am a Netflix subscriber and I will confess that I watch a fair amount of movies.
Because what else is there to do in the evening besides sex, pot and Scrabble?
But unfortunately the pickings for decent movies are slim.

After their release good flicks don’t appear in a Netflix lineup for months, even years, but unfortunately turkeys (like The Interview) show up right away.

Since I am a finicky viewer (I don’t like sci-fi, horror stuff, vampires, brainless teenagers stories, cowboys, action, sports), and since I don’t like listening to endless four-letter words, I have been in a bind.

Because of this unfortunate situation, I have sought solace in Bollywood movies.
That’s right, I hooked up with the Guys of Mumbai.

Conventional Indian movies are feel-good, entertaining yarns. And they always end well.
They are also very predictable.
It starts with a good-looking guy or a good-looking girl looking for (what else?) love.
These two people are handsome, likable, but inexplicably unable to find love.
Is that possible? But never mind…

Bollywood sagas are long, involved stories, with a lot of unexpected developments.
To make a story interesting you need conflict, and since in an Indian love story, the entire family is involved, we are never short of those.

The father is usually a dignified, upright gentleman, but it is his wife who runs the show.

Incidentally, in India women are often called “auntie”.
It is a term of endearment used mostly by children and teens for a female (not related to them) who is middle-aged or older.

In a Bollywood production, singing and dancing are a must.
Every so often the main protagonists will break into songs.
If they are sad, they will sing sad songs, if they are happy they will sing happy songs.
When they are very happy they dance.

In Indian movies (at least those I have seen), there is no sex and no kissing. Those disgusting practices are evidently left to decadent westerners.

The movie usually ends up with a wedding ceremony.
The bride is always covered with jewelry (with a ring in her nose) and the groom looks like a maharajah. And there is natürlich a lot of dancing.

If you were sick with the flu and in low spirits, what would you choose to watch: a Freddy Kruger movie or a Bollywood flick?
It’s a no brainer!
You will pick Bollywood over Hollywood.

After watching the rousing finale of a Bollywood pic, you will be cured and itching to get up and go dance.

Namaste!

Alain

Je suis un “net surfer”. Ce n’est pas une maladie honteuse et je ne m’en cache pas.
Tous les jours, en équilibre précaire sur ma planche journalistique je navigue les flots souvent capricieux de la Toile.
Je butine comme une abeille vagabonde. Je vais de site en site un peu au hasard et je me pose parfois sur des endroits surprenants.

C’est au cours d’une de ces escapades que j’ai amerri (les pieds devant comme un canard) sur le site de BritBrit Chérie.
J’ai été immédiatement conquis par le style, la gouaille, l’esprit de cette demoiselle. Je ne sais pas si elle est gironde ou moche comme un pou, mais elle me plait.
Une femme ou un homme qui ont de l’esprit ne sont d’ailleurs jamais laids.

BritBrit n’a pas de fausse honte et parle de tout le plus naturellement du monde.
Elle parle de caca, de pipi ou de sperme comme je parlerais de pommes Dauphine ou de Crêpes Suzette.

Je me souviens d’avoir lu dernièrement un de ses article intitulé « tout ce que l’on devrait savoir sur le vagin » et qui commençait par cette phrase : « Tiens, c’est l’été, et si j’attirais le chaland avec un billet cul ».

Jarnicoton ! Cette mousmé n’a pas la langue dans sa poche ! Voilà une chose qui me plait.
BritBrit Chérie est drôle sans être vulgaire et j’ai la plus grande admiration pour les gens qui ont de l’esprit.

« L’esprit est le sel de la conversation, non sa nourriture. » William Hazlitt
Et une nourriture sans sel est insipide, n’en déplaise aux gourous de la santé.

Elle n’a pas peur de s’auto déprécier et c’et une autre chose que j’apprécie.

« Mon derrière et moi avons un pacte : je me mêle de mes fesses et en échange, il se mêle des siennes. En bref, on ignore chacun notre propre existence. Chose d’autant plus facile pour moi, que je suis née au départ, sur témoignage de ma mère, avec deux machins rebondis et qu’aujourd’hui, j’ai deux trucs dont on ne sait s’il s’agit de kystes éclatés ou d’un prolongement des cuisses jusqu’en bas du dos. Pour faire plus simple dans le descriptif, je dirai que de fesses, je n’en ai point ; vue de cul, je suis portée disparue. »

Bref, si un jour vous avez un coup de pompe, ou le moral dans les chaussettes, allez faire un tour chez BritBrit.
Je vous garantie que vous  retrouverez la pêche illico presto!

Je suis devenu un fan et ai même ajouté (honneur sans précédent) la longitude et la latitude de son site (a droite, au bout de la page) sur mon blog.

Pour être honnête, je suis admiratif mais aussi jaloux. Cette nana écrit beaucoup mieux que moi et mon ego souffre comme un lombric accroché a un hameçon.

Merde BritBrit Cherie ça fait mal de dire ça, mais quand on aime il faut s’attendre a souffrir !

Alain

Merci Caroline pour ces petits clips: