Category: Fourre-tout

The Big Clock in the sky is always ticking and never slows down for anyone. Fidgety old Chronos makes sure of it; no ifs or buts, and no exceptions.

“Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not.” — Stephen King

When you are young the clock’s ticking is barely perceptible, but it grows noticeably louder as you age. That’s probably why older folks pretend to be hard of hearing. They don’t want to hear the growing noise of the doomsday machine anymore.

In youth, speed is of the essence, and you are in a hurry to go places; you want everything to happen fast. When you age though, you start to realize that speed could be hazardous to your health, and you try to slow down. But Chronos wants none of this. He said that just like Big Ben, his clock will keep ticking precisely, no slower and no faster, till the end of (your) time.

Despite the sunny depictions of smiling seniors frolicking on the beach, growing old is no carnival. It is a grand masquerade, a monumental deception, a big lie.

Your body, once a superb machine, does not run as well as it used to. Why not? might you ask? I took good care of it, I brought it to the car wash regularly, I changed the oil religiously, and I didn’t let anybody else abuse it. It is not fair. Like a well-taken care-of product, it should run flawlessly, forever.

No, no, no. You didn’t read the fine lines of the contract my friend, and your money is not refundable. On page 269, it says very clearly that the Time Express does not slow down or stop for anybody. It is like a driverless train rushing madly toward a mined bridge… And no lawyer will ever be able to amend that contract.

But you can prevent a spectacular crash by living more modestly. Very modestly. Watch what you eat and don’t exert yourself. No big drinking, eating, or sexual binges anymore. If you want to remain on this planet for a while longer, it probably would be a good idea to join a monastery and curb your wicked appetites.

Then, just then, and if you follow the above instructions, Chronos might slow down his train in a bend and allow you to temporarily escape.

It is worth a try but keep in mind the fate of those who sought to break free in the Great Escape.

And doggone, stop that ticking noise!

Alain

I don’t know if you have yet noticed, but “sneaky fees” have landed and are rapidly spreading, appearing in nearly every restaurant located in our area. Unless we loudly voice our opposition, this deceitful practice will soon become “un fait accompli”.

Once, a 15% restaurant tip was customary, but now it’s often pushed to 22% or even 25% if one isn’t vigilant. Adding insult to injury, restaurants now tack on various “sneaky fees” to their bills, disguising them as “appreciation,” “supplemental fees,” or even “taxes.” It’s a sly and underhanded tactic to boost their profits.

I find this practice not only outrageous but also on the brink of illegality.

While the affluents may continue to make merry, many of us are beginning to feel the financial strain. These “fees” feel like persistent mosquito bites every time the restaurant bill lands on your table.

If restaurants need to make more money, let them openly increase the fares on their menu and not ape “third countries” practices. (In modern terms, these countries would be less developed or still developing countries, or nations without stable governments or ways of life.”

America no longer embodies the mythical Land of Cockaigne; now, the Statue of Liberty is holding a sign reading “closed.” It no longer welcomes “your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free” … unless you are willing to “donate” some “hospitality fee”.

To me, this practice is akin to inviting some friends for dinner, and when presenting the Tiramisu, tacking some “appreciation fee” to the invitation for contributing to the welfare of our establishment.

Miss Manners strongly disapproves of this low-class ploy.

Alain