Category: Fourre-tout

If a man says to you, “I am going to die”, you reasonably assume that this person is afflicted with an incurable disease and that he will pass away in a relatively short time.

If my wife says that, it does not mean that she is going to die in a very near future. It means that eventually, in 20 or 30 years, she might depart for another world.
The same goes for “I am going for a walk” or “I am leaving”…

Those statements never imply immediate action. They simply mean that, in due course (an hour, a day, a year…) she will (maybe) translate her statement into action.

A similar little ballet takes place when she goes to work.
She first solemnly announces that she is leaving. I acknowledge, wait and listen.
First take: the front door slams indicating that she is outside the house. A few minutes later she reenters.
Second take: after fussing with something in the kitchen, she will leave again but reenter soon after.
Third take: “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.”
The door slams again… Is it…? Yes, it’s a wrap! Fade… glorious music…

My wife is obviously very fond of Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity. For her (and for many women I suspect), time is a very pliable, elastic commodity.

Relativity challenges your basic intuitions that you’ve built up from everyday experience. It says your experience of time is not what you think it is, that time is malleable. Your experience of space is not what you think it is; it can stretch and shrink. Brian Greene

Fine and dandy, but unfortunately I am not a theoretical physicist and I feel ill at ease with this notion. As a matter of fact, I find it a little disconcerting, even exasperating.

Relativity is not my bag. To me, time is time. You can be early, on time, or late but this is it. Time is definitely NOT elastic.

It is a well-known fact that he who waits too long can become paralyzed by hesitation. Hello Hamlet!
That’s why that once I have said goodbye, I immediately put in motion what I have said.
To me, my door is my Rubicon; once crossed there is no turning back.
Au diable la relativité!

A parting thought about relativity:

“How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.”
Zall’s Second Law

Alain

Lately I have been feeling a tad under the weather
After almost 3 months of uninterrupted rain, my cup runneth over, literally.

After checking with a medical website, it dawned on me that I had been affected by the dreaded Pétanque Withdrawal Syndrome.

According to WebMD, the Pétanque Withdrawal Syndrome is a potentially life-threatening condition that can occur in people who have been pétanquing heavily for weeks, months, or years and then either stop or significantly reduce their adrenaline consumption.
After weeks of pétanque deprivation, I felt “excessive hunger, fatigue, lethargy, loss of appetite, night sweats, restlessness, shakiness, weakness, clammy skin, craving, feeling cold, or sweating.”

 The website by the way also mentioned “insomnia, nightmares, sleepiness, or sleeping difficulty” and “delirium, depression, hallucination, paranoia, or severe anxiety”.
This explains a lot of things.

Because you cannot quit pétanque cold turkey. It can be very detrimental to your health.

But with the sudden reappearance of “le beau blond” (French colloquialism for bright sun) everything is about to change.

After weeks of pétanque deprivation, I am more than ready to go back to the field of glory.
These last few days I have been polishing my boules, and like Jack Palance I have been doing one-arm pushups to strengthen my shooting limb.
I feel sorry for the people who are going to face me in the (hopefully dry) arena.

For us to play again though, the field has got to be reasonably dry and last time I checked (about a week ago) the court looked as dry as an Irish bog.

I have been praying all week to Tonatiuh the Aztec Sun God and he seems to be helping. If he does not, I’ll pray to Sūryaprabha the Buddhist Sun God.

This is the beauty of polytheism.  If you are not satisfied with your favorite god’s performance you can easily switch to another deity.
I wish we could do this with our overpaid, pathetically under performing congressmen.

In any case, if Tonatiuh delivers, I will be on the field this week end.
Warning: Approach me with extreme caution; I am full of piss and vinegar!

Alain