Category: Fourre-tout

“The fingers must be educated, the thumb is born knowing.” Marc Chagall

After scrutinizing my crystal ball, I predict that in the next decade or so your children’s thumbs will grow significantly. They will become longer and more flexible; they might even supplant the index fingers’ leading role.

What brings me to make this prediction? Keen observation my friends. I have noticed that when texting (or sexting?) teenyboppers use both thumbs to compose a message. They do this with an incredible dexterity that leaves me dumbfounded.

Personally, when it comes to texting, I am ridiculously clumsy. I do believe that I possess average thumbs, but when I touch my iPhone keyboard, it looks gigantic and it will press 2 or 3 keys at once. Not a good thing. So, when I have to text someone, I laboriously type my messages with my right index, one letter at a time, like a pecking hen. Pathetic!
In the future, if somebody tells you that he/she his all thumbs, he will not be complaining, he will be bragging.

But there is a dark side to this story. I am afraid that in a very near future short thumb people might be discriminated against. Just like well-padded people. When applying for a job, you will have to specify the length of your thumbs and if you fall short, this might be held against you.

Girls of marrying age will also start looking for long thumbed individuals, just like Russian girls chasing millionaires. Instead of “sexting”, we might see a lot “thumbing”, perverts emailing pictures of their long thumbs to the girls they want to entice.

And most probably, you won’t be able to use the old thumbs-up signal anymore. This is might be interpreted as sexual harassment and as Hollywood’s elite discovered, this is could be very toxic.

I am all for progress, but I feel a little helpless. How can I grow my thumbs to remain competitive with the young punks? Are there any blue pills on the market that will allow me to keep my thumbs up?
I don’t know, but here is another opportunity for Big Pharma: thumb growing pills.

I am stretching my thumbs daily. Hope that this will help.

Alain

Sometimes when you meet someone, there is instant sympathy between you and that person. Le courant passe (the electric current is flowing).
It is difficult to explain why…

Human chemistry is a mysterious thing, a no man’s land full of unseen obstacles and hidden traps. But when le courant passe, it is beautiful. Attractiveness has nothing well… little to do with physical attributes. Charm, the quality that makes you like someone, is a more likely reason.

The first trump card of an attractive person is a firm handshake. It is very important. It will determine (at least for me) if you will like that person or not. Personally, I think well of a firm and square one… A limp handshake, on the other hand, flaccid fingers offered somewhat reluctantly, makes me feel uncomfortable.
A winning smile and an easygoing attitude also goes a long way to make you “une personne sympathique. »

Sometimes you know and sometimes you don’t know why you like somebody. But if you are lucky enough to like somebody and be liked back, it can be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Friends are very important, even indispensable; their main purpose is to keep you afloat, even-keeled. Their job is to bail out water when your boat is sinking, or celebrate your good fortune with you. Without friends, life would be unbearable.

“Sometimes talking to your best friend is the only therapy you need.”

You can find friends in the most improbable places: in grammar school, in prison, on the battlefield or even on the pétanque court.
That is why belonging to a club is so important. When marital bliss turns stormy, you can get out of the house and find solace with like-minded people. And it is easier to make friends with pétanque partners than with total strangers.
Friendship is not a big thing; it’s a million of little things.

“Good friends will mourn your death; best friends will come and clean your computer history immediately after you die.”

You don’t collect friends. Quantity is not what counts; it is the quality that matters. It is far better to have 2 or 3 true blue friends than a posse of fair-weather hangers-on.

So, if you feel blue, unloved, come to the field and strike a friendship with somebody. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Alain

“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy weed… and that’s pretty close.”

Since January 1^st, the sale of weed is legal in California. This means that if you are above 21, you can now lawfully get stoned, wasted… or both.

But it is not as bad as it sounds. Regardless of what Conservatives are saying, decriminalizing marijuana is the smart thing to do. Legal or not, the stuff has been around for a long time and profited none but a few.

With the legalization of marijuana, a huge amount of tax money is going to flow into the state’s coffers and benefit many worthwhile organizations. In addition, the decriminalization of weed is also going to reduce prison’s populations and substantially lower state’s expenses.

Previously, if you lived in California, you often came across whiffs of marijuana wherever you went. Now it is going to be as common, as the smell of hot dogs or popcorn.

Marijuana, like booze, will get you high and drastically impair your cognitive functions. DUI (Driving Under the Influence) now also means that you will get prosecuted for driving while under the influence of weed. With freedom comes greater responsibilities; as with alcohol, you are going to need a designated driver if you want to indulge and stay out of trouble.

If you plan to purchase some weed, you need to know a few things about it.

First of all, marijuana is made from hemp.

“Hemp or industrial hemp is a variety of the Cannabis sativa plant species that is grown specifically for the industrial uses of its derived products.  It can be refined into a variety of commercial items including paper, textiles, clothing, biodegradable plastics, paint, insulation, biofuel, food, and animal feed.
Hemp has lower concentrations of THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol) and higher concentrations of cannabidiol (CBD), which decreases or eliminates its psychoactive effects.”

You can now buy from 1 gram to 28 grams (one ounce) of cannabis. You could purchase an eighth of an ounce (3.5 grams), a quarter of an ounce (7 grams), half an ounce (14 grams) or a full ounce (28 grams).
One ounce of weed is going to cost between $200 and $300 depending on the quality and the competition.

“If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours.”

Think about it, citizen Trump.
Instead of using a “bigger button” to nuke North Korea, what about flooding it with tons of marijuana? The B-52s are big enough to do the job.
With the entire Korean peninsula under the influence, it might be easier to bring a mellowed out “Rocketman” to the negotiation table and get away from an unthinkable nuclear confrontation.

 Alain