Category: Fourre-tout

Last Sunday Francois Moser and I played a few rounds of pétanque against Mireille Di Maio and William Lavelle.

Mireille’s pointing accuracy was uncanny; most of her shots landed on or a few inches away from the cochonnet. Useless to say that they literally trounced us in the first game. We managed to win the second game and lost the third game on the finish line.

Coming from a young adult, I would find Mireille’s pointing perfection annoying but normal; but (with all due respect) she is an octogenarian. According to the laws of nature, she should not be playing that well anymore.
Granted, she has been practicing for a very long time, but it is not the experience that counts; it is the person’s natural ability, and Mireille has it. Kudos then to Mireille and her achievements, and wishing her many more years of great pétanque…
William by the way also played extremely well.

Now, as you might have noticed, I like to give credit to individuals when they deserved it. But sometimes I feel that I have to update my original assessment.

Last year I gave a ringing endorsement to Wyatt (as she likes to be called) and she deserved it. I still say that she was the MIP (Most Improved Player) of 2017, but in 2018 she is quickly accumulating points to snag the MAP award: the Most Annoying Player of the year.

We all realize that she is handicapped, but even a disabled person should pay close attention to the game and abide by its rules. Susan does not seem to think so. She is a strong-willed individual who aspires to play only by her own rules.

We all know that she is hard of hearing, but this should not prevent her from being attentive to a game. Unfortunately, once she has expended her boules, she retreats into isolation and turns “a deaf ear” to the rest of the game.

She might be a nice person, but she can be exasperatingly argumentative.
Somebody has to talk to her. She is slowly alienating a bunch of players and in the future, she might find herself in a deeper isolation that she presently is.

It is a very difficult task since it almost impossible to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her. How can we handle this problem and keep everybody happy? Any shrink in our flock?

 Alain

The cyber world thrives on updates, and as one of the earlier proponent of the Fist Bump, I now endorse its latest version, the Rump Bump.

Due to the flu outbreak, I recently proposed that instead of smooching (and transmitting germs) we bump fists. In my latest 2.0 update, I suggest that in lieu of bumping fists, we bump booties. It is more hygienic (no direct skin contact) and more fun.

In our ever-evolving culture, the “derrière” has become an important symbol of sex appeal and social advancement, and as the saying goes “people who have it like to flaunt it.”

I want women to be liberated and still be able to have a nice ass and shake it. Shirley MacLaine

So doing the Rump Bump will please hygienists and hedonists alike.

Of course, there is a right way and a wrong way to do the bump. Keep in mind that, like a handshake, it needs to be firm and friendly. There is nothing worse than a half-hearted greeting; so you want your bump to be solid and convey the pleasure of meeting a friend again.

Just like an appealing face, an appealing booty reinforces social ties.

“Elle était aussi bien de fesses que de face.” Raymond Queneau
“She looked equally well from the front and from the back.”

Regarding of its shape, you need to have a pleasant derriere to do a friendly Rump Bump. If you are unsure of your “derrière’s” appeal, “Buns of Steel” exercises are available almost everywhere.

Remember, in these highly contagious times, you need to do the right thing. Whenever you meet friends, relatives or lovers, for sake of hygiene do the Rump Bump! Everybody will thank you for that!

Emeritus Professor Alain

– Kate… we need to talk…

This ominous heart to heart conversation usually does not augur well… It is generally the prelude to an imminent breakup. But these few forbidding words did not seem to make a big impression on my roomie. She remained seated, cool and composed.

Since she kept silent, I felt that I had to continue… She stared intensely at me with her big unblinking green eyes.

– Kate my dear let me start by saying that I am very fond of you… we have been together for 4 years and it has been mostly fun. You are clean and neat, I give it to you… you don’t smoke, you don’t drink… you don’t throw wild parties…

Impassive silence.

– You are generally well behaved… you don’t abuse the TV or the phone… you don’t take inordinate lengthy baths…

Pregnant silence.

– But lately, I hate to say it, your behavior has been unreasonable… difficult.

Sullen silence.

– You have been hostile… very hostile, and for no good reasons…

Stony silence.

– As a matter of fact, you have been aggressive, very aggressive… You have bitten me and scratched me repeatedly… without any provocation…

Contemptuous silence.

– You even have drawn blood during a recent encounter, and I still bear the scars… In case you did not know, this is called domestic violence my dear, and this is punishable by law… I could call the cops on you…

Deafening silence.

-This cannot go on… You will have to change your behavior or else… Do you understand what I am saying? Nod your head if you do. Good. I am glad we had this little tête-à-tête…

Deciding that the meeting was over, Kate stood up, turned around and left the room in her usual stealthy manner, her tail held high.

I feel confident that this little chat will help. There is nothing like a frank conversation to clear the air and start everything anew.

Alain