Category: Fourre-tout

“I have the absolute right to pardon myself” is the latest ridiculous statement emanating from the Casa Blanca.
Who would possibly “pardon“ himself? A deity? And isn’t this a blatant admission of guilt?

This is not the first time that a president is subject to delusions. Nixon (with disastrous results) followed the same line of reasoning.

“When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.” Richard Nixon in an interview with David Frost in 1977 

Could it be possible that power (like the locoweed) produce intoxicating side effects? Psychologists seem to agree.

Emperor Caligula (37–41 AD) after a smooth beginning seemed to lose control of the situation and declared that he was a living god. To the dismay of his entourage, he also planned to make his favorite horse Incitatus a consul. Needless to say that his eccentricities did not end well.

A powerful man (or woman) is always surrounded by acquiescing minions. Fearing for their jobs, none of these flunkies have the nerves to disagree with the big cheese giving him the impression of omnipotence.

This, in turn, reinforces the man’s conviction that when you are in power, you become a godlike figure with unlimited authority and the ability to pardon anybody at will.

He might also be tempted like Mobutu to change his name to “The all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake.”

Zeus (the top God) was always jealous of his authority and did not pardon easily. He could be very vindictive and transform the most powerful man into a toad in the blink of an eye.

Zeus who has been napping for a while could suddenly awaken and chastise the usurper. He could hit the “Fake God” below the belt and leave him penniless… a fate worse than death for a showy operator.

“I am the punishment of God… If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.” Genghis Khan.

Sigh…

While POTUS is unconcernedly playing golf in Mar-a-Lago, the world is anxiously scrutinizing the horizon for a sign of the Golden Horde.

Alain

For a kid, age 3 is the age of Columbus, the age of discovery. And just like in Christopher Columbus’ time, when you are 3 there is a world to discover… and conquer.

Kids assimilate very early in a process called causality: the relationship between a cause and its effect. They grasp very quickly that when you push a button something exciting will happen. There will be light or sound, images, noise… it will be stimulating and entertaining.

For kids, buttons rule the world and when transplanted in a new environment, their most pressing task is to find those magic knobs.

Last weekend the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria sailed into San Francisco Bay and shortly after our grandson (the Pushbutton Kid) strode in our abode. He is sweet looking but as willful as Captain Henry Morgan.

He is like quicksilver: he moves rapidly, and it is difficult to hold or contain him. It is almost impossible to control his every move 24 hours a day. He is only quiet when engaged in a questionable endeavor or taking a nap.

You might not realize it, but a modern home is brimming with buttons. They are everywhere. On walls, on objects, on remote controls… there are buttons on toasters, coffee makers, mixers, surge protectors, electric fans, phones, thermostats, printers, routers… and all of them have to be tested at least once.

The effects of his actions might not be immediately felt, but later on, you wonder why a few devices that were working perfectly well in the morning, suddenly refuse to function in the afternoon… all at the same time. Any Criminal Investigative Unit would find the kid’s DNAs all over the place.

The key to distracting him from unsanctioned behavior is to show him something even more exciting than launching ICBM’s. And this activity turned out to be a kite-flying session.

We went to an open field looking for an ascending current of air. After a few attempts, the wind caught the kite’s sail and sent it aloft. As the kite’s tail fluttered wildly, the pushbutton kid couldn’t contain his excitement and jumped up and down like a fired up young goat.

Kids can be a handful, but they are so endearing that it is almost impossible not to love them.

“Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

The key to getting along with them is to engage them and find as quickly as possible where the missing blender top is located.

Alain

We got underway at the crack of dawn… A tardy dawn actually, due to a late sleeping oversight.

According to HQ, our mission was to infiltrate San Francisco and gather as much info as possible. The emphasis was to be on tall buildings and infrastructure.

At this time of the year, the city is packed with tourists and we decided to dress accordingly to better blend in. We also left all compromising documents (if caught, only name, rank and serial number) behind, and casually boarded the Larkspur ferry at 9:30 am.

We originally planned to enter the city by kayak under the cover of darkness but one of our team members nixed the idea. He said that he could not do this because he was terrified of sharks and that he had heard that many Great Whites were lurking in the Bay.
Due to our rigorous training, it looked a little bit implausible but it was too late to find another teammate.

Aboard the USS Sonoma, we mingled and blended flawlessly with the day-trippers; we absolutely didn’t arise any undue suspicion. The third member of our team, while being relatively young, was of great help. John (not his real name) is a real looker and goes by the name of “Gueule d’ange” (Babyface). He is not very loquacious, but he looks like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He will win over anybody with a smile.

We landed in San Francisco around 10:30 am and went to work at once. Smartphones and cameras started clicking instantly. If you move away from a beautiful city (or a pretty girl), you forget how truly attractive it is and fall back under the spell the minute you come back.

On this sunny day, the city of Saint Francis looked gorgeous and women all over were on parade. Many wore shorts, tight jeans and yoga pants (the prevalent trend) for the benefit of appreciative onlookers. In contrast, a lonely figure wearing a black Burka (head to toes) stood out for its incongruity. I am pretty sure that her “guardian” was too busy ogling the girls to pay any attention to his charge.

Our team closely inspected (and photographed) the Hyatt Regency. We rode the elevator to the top and took many pictures. This ought to satisfy the shadowy figures of our organization.

Around noon we stopped at a sidewalk café for lunch. Prices were overinflated but it was expected. Touring is like courting a swanky girl: you know that it is going to cost you.

At 12:30 pm we slipped back in a ferry going back to Larkspur. The ride was short; thirty minutes instead of sixty minutes for our initial ride. Mission accomplished, without any casualty!

It is not without reason that we (like many elite teams) are known as “les travailleurs de l’ombre”.

Epilog

HQ will be happy. Our mission went flawlessly and we brought back a lot of pictures. I wouldn’t be surprised to be handsomely rewarded for this dangerous mission.

Alain

PS: By special derogation, I have been authorized to show you some of the pictures.