Category: Fourre-tout

I don’t know if you are aware of it, but articles (such as a, an, and the) don’t exist in the Russian language. I think that they were banned and dispatched to Siberia during the 1917 Russian Revolution.

Seriously, there are no articles in Russian. It makes English a little more challenging for former Russian denizens. They often forget to use those pesky little things or they don’t know where to put them.

Am I a linguistic expert? Do I speak Russian fluently? Heavens No! But I am in daily contact with a Russian native who has a shaky relationship with articles.

Many people don’t realize the importance of those humble little things until they try to converse with a native Russian. It might sound funny in the beginning but it is fast becoming annoying.

A Russian wouldn’t say “Are you going to the park?”, he would say “Are you going to park?” which altogether means something totally different.

Some people think that when you don’t use articles, you might sound more forceful. For instance, “give me borscht” sounds much manlier than “could you please give me some borscht.” But manliness does not count when you try to convey a specific message.

I am not a grammar nitpicker (actually I am), but I always appreciate a clear unequivocal mistake-free document.

Due to a certain familiarity with Romance languages, I believe that most of them use articles. A Russian speaking inaccurate English is probably more difficult to understand than an Italian or a Spaniard because both of their languages use articles.

So, never underestimate the importance of articles. Without them, most of the European languages would be confusing, especially if you grew up in their midst.

I know that habits are very difficult to break. Personally, I still find it much easier to count or alphabetize in French rather than English. So, I do understand very well the difficulty to adapt.

This, by the way, is not to denigrate the Russian language; it can do equally well what any other language can accomplish. Don’t forget that the Russians (without the help of any bourgeois articles) put Sputnik in orbit before anybody else could.

And don’t forget:

“Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.” Jackson Brown, Jr.

 Da svidaniya mujiki (until later peasants)

 Alain

Did you ever think that you were an ambassador? Probably not.
You might not have the title of the trappings, but in the court of public opinion, you are the flag bearer of your ethnicity.

Everything that you will do, especially if you break the law, will reflect on your specific background. You often won’t be judged as an individual, but as the representative of your social group.

If you are of Russian background and behave like a drunken Cossack, it will shed a very negative light on Russian people; it will give rise to generalities – all Russians are drunkards and ruffians – and prejudice.
Similarly, if you are black and commit any crime, the entire black community will be blamed for your misdeed.

All of us, regardless of our ethnicity or backgrounds are viewed as stand-ins for our specific tribe. No matter where you go or what you do, especially if you are a minority, you will be first seen as a reflection of your peers.

That is why you must always remain tuned in to your environment. Whenever on the world scene or on the pétanque court, as an ambassador, you must show a positive image of the breed that you represent.

Newly minted duchess Megan Markle for example, cannot afford to misstep. She is the perfect potential target for hate groups. She is a commoner, she is divorced and biracial. If she trips, all these details will come back and hit her like a boomerang.

The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions. Dwight D. Eisenhower

So, whoever or wherever you are, watch your steps. Don’t scream, don’t make a scene. The world is watching and judging you.
The Big Guy is much too busy to keep track of his restless flock, but Public Opinion never sleeps. In this time of ubiquitous recording devices, everybody is on camera.

Whether you are a Dago,

a Frog, a Gook, a Gringo, a Limey, a Chink, a Gook, a Goy, a Greaseball, a Good ol’ boy, a Jap or  a Kraut, always control your temper, and avoid being called any of the above colorful niceties.

Alain

Like every year, I carefully earmarked some time to share my most private thoughts with you. Please kindly mind the non-disclosure agreement.

Despite totally unfounded rumors, I have been a very good boy and If you hear anything to the contrary, don’t believe it. It is fake news… My lawyer (who never lies) is ready to answer some written questions, if need be.

In accordance with our gentleman’s agreement, here is a short list of some of my outstanding achievements:

·      Despite my known distaste for vegetables, I ate plenty some of them.
·      The past year, I groomed our cat 27 times… I also massaged my wife’s back twice.
·      I have mainly refrained from howling each time I see DJT on TV.
·      Unlike last year, I didn’t post anybody’s phone number in a public bathroom.
·      I now only occasionally grope girls on the pétanque field.
·      This year, I only hacked 4 computers compared with 15 last year.
·      Despite my anticlerical views, I brushed my teeth religiously twice a day.
·      I complimented an extremely ugly woman on her good looks. She was not grateful.
·      I knitted a wool hat for you.

What do I wish for Christmas Santa?
I am not picky. Anything expensive, preferably made in France, will do.

I hope that you did not get too fat and are still able to get down chimneys. As usual, I will leave  milk and cookies in the living room .
If you feel a little stressed (I totally understand), there will be some decent Acapulco Gold next to the milk and cookies. Feel free to remove your boots for a spell and have a few well-deserved drags.
There will also be some hay for your reindeer on the kitchen floor.

I remain your totally devoted fan (ready to take a bullet for you).

Alain

PS: Don’t bring any gifts to my neighbors. I believe am sure that they are not Santa’s lovers but Satanists.