Category: Fourre-tout

When I was a young man, life was harder but it was much simpler. It was less stressful because we had fewer choices. When we needed some shoe polish or some mustard, we would walk to the local store and purchase it. It was an easy decision since there was only a single brand of polish or mustard available. No casse-tête.

Today, whenever we go shopping, there are ten different brands of the same product on the shelves, all vying for your attention. We have an embarrassment of choices and it becomes much harder to make a sensible decision.

My purchasing philosophy is defined by the following principle: I am too poor to buy cheap stuff. So when I buy anything I want a quality product that is going to last. I am willing initially to pay more for something if, in the long run, it proves to be more durable and thus less costly than a similar cheaper item.

Like any good nerd, I always turn to the Internet for advice. I want to know what the “experts” are saying about what that I intend to buy. The problem is that the pundits cannot agree on anything. You can check 10 different websites and come up with 10 different opinions.

It a product is clearly superior, for God’s sake at least half of the experts ought to concur that it is so… but they don’t. They all promote a different product. How could that be?
Could some palms have been greased to promote certain products? Nooooooo…

The Internet is very handy and I am a big fan of it, but it is not always practical. Some products have to be seen or touched to be properly evaluated. You cannot, for example buy a mattress without lounging on it for at least 10 minutes. And even then…

I want to know what the experts (and previous customers) are saying about it. I want a clear consensus before committing myself because unlike a door handle it is not easy to return a mattress.

And when you finally find a brand that gathers some applauds, you discover that no local outfit caries that product. The damn mattress becomes like a mail-order bride. When she arrives from the Ukraine or Thailand, if she proves too firm or too soft, or if she begins to sag within a few months, it is difficult to return.

Experts, advisers or whatever you call them, like doctors or senators (?) ought to be certified. They ought to pass some exams before being allowed to pontificate on television or the Internet.

Personally, I am not certified in any way, so do not take as Gospel whatever I am saying. Take everything with a grain of salt, but honestly, who would you rather trust? Me, or a quack or a senator?

I rest my case.

Alain

Due to various reasons, I have not played pétanque for a while, and when I came back to the field last Saturday, something unexpected happened.

I played against an individual who startled our team with a rapid succession of stunning carreaux. I was not totally surprised though, for I have seen this individual slowly, tenaciously rise through the ranks. Even when his shooting accuracy was unexceptional, I noticed his dashing moves, reminiscent of the Peter Mathis style.

As a photographer, I pay less attention to scores than to style, and I always liked his smooth elegance. With time, some players become quite accurate, but their form remains awkward, lacking in grace. They get the job done, but it is not particularly pleasing to see.

Mark Shirkey whom I consider to be the Most Improved Player of the club possessed the form before the accuracy.

He has been with us for a relatively short time, but I believe that he is the rising star of our club. He reminds me a lot of Henry Wessel. When he joined our club, Henry studied the game, took notes, shot videos and practiced extensively. So did Mark, on and off the field… and it paid off.

As a matter of fact, Mark and Sandra bear many similarities to Henry and Calvert. The only difference is that they are a bit more introverted than Henry and Calvert. But they show the same love and dedication to the game. Not only did they persevere but they also did a lot to improve our club, our field, and its playing conditions.
They were the blood transfusion that our club sorely needed.

Sandra has also quietly improved her game and is becoming an accomplished player in her own right. I would be honored to play with her anytime.

So, I hereby salute this hard-working couple for their perseverance and dedication to the game and to our club.

“May they always be who their dogs think they are!”

Alain

Everybody wants to visit exotic new places, but today, few people like to travel. By traveling, I mean footslogging through cavernous airports, squandering time in long waiting queues, going through the ignominy of security checks and dozing uncomfortably for extended periods of time in back-breaking seats.

Personally, I cannot wait for the relaunching of commercial supersonic planes like the Concorde that will cut the flying time in half; but according to my spies, they won’t fly until 2023. And by then I might not be in the mood…

“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” – Russell Baker

No matter how hard you try, when you travel you will always be recognized as an interloper. In a foreign country, you will stick out like a basketball player trying to hide in a crowd of pygmies.

Everybody (at least some) dreams of visiting an unfamiliar country incognito, being the only foreigner in the crowd and blending smoothly with the locals. But it is impossible. Even I, speaking fluent French, won’t get away with it in France. I am tainted.

Like bloodhounds, the natives sniff out our alien scent and know right away that we are trespassers. It is almost like tourists have a giant T painted on their backs.

Of course, you could try it to fake it. You could ensconce yourself at a sidewalk café, throw a pack of cigarettes on the table, call loudly for a waiter and order a tiny cup of undrinkable espresso. But it is a tricky stunt that might end in disaster.

Personally, I don’t smoke, I don’t like strong coffee and I don’t have the Depardieu’s panache to pull this stunt.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.” ― Mark Twain

 True. The best time to travel is when you are young and sound of body and mind. But when you are in your salad days, you probably won’t have the money… and when you are finally well off, you are permanently fatigued.

There has to be a solution. Maybe get a sugar daddy or a sugar mommy… or rob a bank and spend the loot on an extravagant adventure… and write a best-seller about it.

The perfect time to travel might be in the winter when hotels and restaurants (and museums) are empty and begging for “turistas”. They might discard the fact that you are an obtuse foreigner if you have a few rubles to spare.

Christmas in Vienna or Stockholm has a good ring to it!

Alain