Category: Fourre-tout

Santa was worried. The big guy tried to project a jolly composure but he was clearly perturbed.

His wife kept nagging him about losing weight… and getting a more up to date outfit.
What’s wrong with this one he had asked. It is comfortable, colorful and everybody likes it…
Not everybody mon petit chou, said Mrs. Claus. In America, some “patriots” are complaining that your red suit is promoting communism… and anti-guns laws.

Ah, come on… These guys are off their rockers Liebchen… I don’t even know if I should bother to stop at the Bunker this year. First of all, the reindeers are complaining about a foul smell over Washington, and I am not sure that any of the White House fauna deserve any present…
This impeachment business is very bad publicity and it cannot look like Santa is rewarding mythomaniacs… This would hurt my good-guy image. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are watching me and I must behave with extreme caution.

Besides the White House’s sorry business, Amazon is giving me unfair competition. This “Prime” business is greatly hurting my own operation. Daily delivery against yearly delivery, and presents for anybody who asks? regardless of criminal record? It is immoral and despicable.

Then the elves are talking about unionizing… After all that I have done for them! Talking about ingratitude… I will show them who is boss.

And the reindeers have started to behave strangely. Especially Dasher. He has hinted that his gang wants better food, shorter hours and a better guidance system. The nerves of these guys… Who do they think they are? French rail workers? I won’t be intimidated by animals!

To top it all, Santa had been preoccupied with some disturbing rumors of groping and sexual harassment. His wife had told him a few times that he had to stop his lap sitting routine, but he could not resolve to do it.

Without this shtick, I would not be the Jolly Good Guy, he had said. I must continue old traditions otherwise it will be lost forever.

But RAINN and EROC were not mollified. Their respective lawyers sent intimidating letters to Santa Inc. Cease and desist they had said… or else!

Damn women! They are getting too far. Suing Santa for hearsay? I will countersue! I will hire the Devil himself, or if he is too busy, Giuliani… he is good at this sort of thing…

I will do my rounds, but I must think of a killer algorithm to streamline my operation. Mister Bezos wants a fight? I will give him a good one.

Let it be known that nobody messes with Santa, not the Prez or the king of Amazon.

Alain

Dans la vie, le courant passe ou ne passe pas… c’est comme ça.

Vous rencontrez quelqu’un, vous échangez quelques mots, une plaisanterie, et vous savez très vite s’il y a contact… si le courant passe…

Cela peut arriver n’importe où. Au bistrot, à la poste, lors d’une conversation téléphonique, dans la rue…
Ce matin je m‘offre un café-crème dans un « coffee shop » local… la grande serveuse noire me dit bonjour et me sourit, on plaisante… le courant passe !

Je me rends ensuite chez Comcast pour essayer de modifier un vieux contrat. L’employé de service lève à peine les yeux, et avant même que je termine d’exposer la raison de ma visite, il me dit « ce n’est pas possible ». Le courant ne passe pas !

Le sourire est un atout majeur dans la panoplie de tout individu. Utilisé à propos, il peut ouvrir plus de portes qu’un serrurier chevronné.

Un sourire coûte moins cher que l’électricité, mais il donne autant de lumière. L’Abbé Pierre

Le courant souvent ne passe quand il y a une différence de milieu social. Le vocabulaire et le maniérisme des deux classes sont trop différents pour paver les nids de poule.

Plus près de chez nous, l’Ogre de la Maison Blanche souvent croasse et menace… Il ne sourit pas;  ça passe mal ! très mal. A crier constamment haro sur le baudet, on perd sa voix et sa crédibilité.

Lorsque vous rencontrez un homme trop las pour vous sourire, offrez-lui le vôtre. 

 N’oubliez pas. Pour que le courant passe, allumez votre sourire !

Pour conclure cette petite fantaisie française en si mineur, permettez-moi de vous offrir un bouquet de sourires odorants, et vous souhaiter un joyeux Noel et une heureuse nouvelle année.

À un de ces quatre… !

Alain

Deux sourires qui se rapprochent finissent par faire un baiser. Victor Hugo

Like a homeless dog, I have been looking for a niche (a doghouse in French).
Experts prompted me to do that… and like an obedient pooch, I am following their directives.

Incidentally, a niche can also mean “a specialized segment of the market for a particular kind of product or service” and this is going to be the subject of this post.

It all began when I started to look for ways to increase my following; when consulted, professionals said: “find your niche” and concentrate on that topic.

“Focus on identifying your target audience, communicating an authentic message that they want and need and project yourself as an “expert” within your niche”. Kim Garst

As far as I know, I never had a niche and I never pretended to be an expert on anything. The word scares me. On my blog, I wrote about pétanque, photography, French and everything else.
But that is not narrow enough they said, you need to sharpen your focus.

OK, let me think… I got it… Cherchez la femme…

My other interests being rather seasonal, I am then considering focusing on millennial women. This is a fecund subject and it is always in vogue.
What do I know about women? Like all men, practically nothing, but being “on the wallaby track” I have plenty of time to do some research.

After all, who is not interested in women? They are half of the world’s population… It is an ambitious task, but I will risk it… cautiously.

Women have changed. This is probably an understatement. They are not the “weaker sex” of my young adulthood. Today, millennials are empowered women “qui n’ont pas froid aux yeux” (who are not cold in the eyes). This odd colloquialism means that millennials today are not faint-hearted and are willing to push back.
Ask them any question and they will set you straight. There are no embarrassing subjects anymore. Ask and you shall receive.

Millennials women are not perfect, far from it, but they are in flux. They are getting more involved in government and might bring some common sense to the smelly world of male-dominated politics.

“Women are the largest untapped reservoir of talent in the world”.  Hillary Clinton

In conclusion, I might have found my niche after all. Trusted readers, what do you think? Is it a subject worth pursuing? Will I find enough bones in my niche to keep you happy?
Don’t be shy… I await your comments.

Alain

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition”.  Marilyn Monroe