When you meet someone new, quickly sensing whether you’re in sync is vitally important. You don’t want to waste your time with someone who reeks of rigid propriety. For my part, I seek knowledge tempered with a sense of humor and compassion.
Meeting someone new is a bit like going on a first date. From the initial handshake to the final goodbye, you can often tell quickly if you’re on the same wavelength.
That’s why, during a first date, which should always feel light and spirited, it’s essential to ask a few questions that matter to you: What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy cooking? Do you like animals? Do you have a sense of humor? What are your cravings?
After that first meeting, you usually know whether you want to see that person again.
The above is a preamble to say: I recently took on a new doctor. After years of indifferent service, I came to realize that my previous physician and I were not aligned, and it was time to move on. Nothing dramatic happened—I simply went to the Kaiser Permanente website and began the search for a new physician. Not an easy task, as most of the listed doctors weren’t accepting new patients.
So I turned to the help desk for assistance. A staff member provided a few names, but none of them seemed to fit what I was looking for. After several failed attempts, she finally suggested a man whose resumé photo looked amiable, and I hesitantly agreed to meet him.
But unfortunately, there were no sparks. Any good relationship should be a two-way street, when both parties agree to cooperate. Ideally, I want my healthcare providers to offer not just knowledge, but human warmth. Despite his smiling photo, this doctor was far from jovial. And unlike a first date, I didn’t feel like I had the right to ask the questions that mattered to me.
An interview is like a two-way street. Both parties should like each other before committing to a relationship.
During our first meeting, he stared intently at his computer screen, reviewing my checkered medical history with the intensity of a detective rather than the empathy of a healer. I felt more like a suspect than a patient. My timid attempts at humor were met with indifference—no hint of a smile ever crossed his face.
In an ideal world, just like on a first date, you should be able to ask your potential doctor about their approach to care, their philosophy, and their view of the doctor-patient relationship.
I managed to ask a few questions, but I sensed no real empathy, no curiosity, and no human warmth—just dry, technical answers.
To me, mutual trust and respect are essential to any positive patient-doctor relationship. You should be able to trust your doctor’s expertise and feel that your concerns are being addressed with sincere care.
Sadly, in our current system, that kind of connection is far too rare. Efficiency and expeditious service prime all.
This encounter felt like a loveless arrangement. I hope that it won’t be until death do us part.
Where, for crying out loud, are all the affable Hollywood doctors hiding? Probably not in hospitals/factories.
Alain