Her name is Bond. Kate Bond and she likes her drinks shaken, not stirred.
Under a rather frail appearance, she hides the body of an athlete. She usually moves at a leisurely pace but is capable of extraordinary feats if the situation demands it. In a bind, she can make enormous jumps with the ease and stealth of a ninja. In passing, she is a Krav Maga expert and licensed to kill. She is known in the business as 666.
Kate has been living with us for quite a while and accepts free food and lodging. To be frank, she is rather lazy and spends long hours sleeping, but she has assured me that her seemingly lethargic behavior is deliberate. She mulls problems for a long time (more than me) before acting, but when she does, she is quick and decisive.
She is fluent in half a dozen foreign languages, and while pretending to not understand, she comprehends every single word of any conversation.
Now, to my problem. Lately, I have become increasingly worried about some of my neighbors. I know that this sounds paranoid, but I wonder if the Proud Boys (and Conceited Girls) have infiltrated our peaceful community. The FBI has been particularly active in monitoring their recent activities and it suddenly occurred to me that Kate Bond could be very helpful in containing this problem.
Due to her constant patrols, she knows the neighborhood like the palm of her paw and is aware of everything going on there. Since she can move so stealthily, I have been thinking of providing her with a small microphone and camera to record any suspicious activity. We need some evidence, and only Kate Bond could provide this.
I still have not discussed this matter with her, but I intend to do it soon. I know that she is no pushover and that I will need some compelling arguments to convince her, but the safety of our community is at stake, and something has to be done.
Every cat has a price and Kate Bond is probably no different. The problem is that she is very finicky, and I don’t know what kind of incentive to offer her. Like the previous (infamous) administration, I could offer a slew of pardons for all her past misdeeds, but she probably does not care.
The best way to deal with her would be to “Joindre l’utile à l’agréable” (to combine business with pleasure) but I still don’t have the slightest idea how to do this. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.
Keep in mind that
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” Jeff Valdez
Ta ta for now…