Where is my vaccine?

Vaccines are coming, vaccines are coming! Millions of doses…This was advertised with great fanfare at least 2 months ago… But at the beginning of February 2021, where exactly are these exotic animals? It seems to be a well-guarded secret. No matter where I turned to, I hit the same wall. We don’t have them… we will tell you when we’ll get them. Wait your turn.

Well, I have been waiting and waiting (and occasionally calling) but with no appreciable results. Kaiser Permanente, my health manager, has not been particularly helpful or forthcoming. When you call or check their website, you are regaled with the following message:

“Due to limited vaccine supplies we are currently prioritizing health care workers and people 75 and older.”

I understand the policy about essential workers, and I approve of it, but as an octogenarian (phase 1b) I am still waiting for my shot. I am still in limbo while younger non-essential workers already managed to get inoculated.
So what am I? chopped liver?

What happened to the highly touted “warp speed” (an extremely rapid rate of speed) operation? A general (now MIA) was in charge of that program and after months of questionable delays I suddenly remembered what Georges Clemenceau thought about military leaders:

“War is too serious a matter to entrust to military men.”

Because (and I am tired to repeat it) we are in a war, and it ought to be taken seriously.
Instead of generals and politicians, we ought to hire a Silicon Valley kid to streamline and expedite the vaccine operation. These guys have more brainpower than the entire American Senate.

As a matter of fact, I would not mind putting Elon Musk in charge of this war. I recently watched a video about his career and accomplishments, and I am sold on the bloke. This man has more ideas than I have hair on my skull. He really knows what warp speed is and would be eager to prove the naysayers wrong.

I visualize a slow assembly line where people would lie still while a bunch of smart robots would inoculate them at an almost warp speed.

So, what do you say Kaiser? Are you ready to speed up the process? I am waiting for my vaccine and I have too many ants in my pants.

Alain