Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Bear market: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
Value investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Broker: What my broker has made me.
Standard & Poor: Your life in a nutshell.
Stock analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
Financial planner: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
Market correction: The day after you buy stocks.
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer
Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
Windows: What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
Institutional investor: Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit: An archaic word no longer in use. ☂︎