Your money… after the pandemic

Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Need some financial advice?

Bear market: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

Value investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker: What my broker has made me.

Standard & Poor: Your life in a nutshell.

Stock analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

Financial planner: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

Market correction: The day after you buy stocks.

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer

Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

Windows: What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

Institutional investor: Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

Profit: An archaic word no longer in use. ☂︎

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