The holidays are upon us and I am wondering if I should bother to write to Santa again.
To tell you the truth, things have not been great between the Old Man and me. In the past, I wrote to him a few times and so far, all my letters have remained unanswered. This is not very polite.
Everybody is taught to believe that Santa is a nice old dude, but I have my doubts about this guy. I know that he is very busy this time of the year, but the least he could do is reply “yes” or “no” to my repeated requests.
As I have previously stated, to keep our lives interesting, we all need new toys on a fairly regular basis, and I am no exception.
Of course, each age has its favorites, but regardless of gender or maturity, we should be entitled to at least 3 new toys every year. I bet you that this would keep family and world conflicts to a minimum.
Presidential candidates would do very well if they endorsed my idea and put it on their platforms. To sweeten the cake, they would have the government (not Mexico) pay for it.
I don’t know if it is a middle-age crisis, but lately I have been hankering for a sports car… Nothing fancy mind you (something in the low $80,000’s), but attractive enough to make a few heads turn…
I can really see myself cruising in a convertible, with a “casquette” on my head and a scarf flowing in the wind. A sports car is a chick magnet and I would not mind having a few babes stuck to my car.
I have asked Santa (repeatedly) if he could oblige, but so far, he has remained strangely silent about my request.
So, my question is, is Santa really a nice guy? I am not the only one questioning his pedigree…
“Santa Claus wears a red suit—he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair—must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” Arlo Guthrie
You see? But I am a resourceful guy… If Santa continues to snub me, I know who to turn to. I have a few very reliable contacts at Amazon; they are friendly and extremely helpful. They never turned me down about anything, and shower me daily with great gift suggestions.
So, Santa baby, stick it in your pipe and smoke it. I can do without your haughty smugness.